Hey kids, new chapter of The Klaus Diaries. After my recent nomination in the Klaroline Awards I've had more interest in the story and I intend to write Klaus' diary entry for each episode of The Vampire Diaries season 4.
This is pure crack. Don't get antsy fancy about ooc Klaus. Ye been warned.
Don't own TVD, that train wreak belongs to JP and whoever else decided a baby plot line would be okay.
Follow me on Tumblr at silas-the-fangirl
…
Dear new diary. It is a new season of my life. A fresh beginning, one that I, Big K fully intend to utilise (what with everyone thinking my magnificent self is nothing more than a pile of smouldering ash). As my diary, you alone are privy to my innermost deep feelings and also provide a record of my life and coffee combinations from Starbucks (there is just so many and even my impressive mind cannot remember and recall at a moment which have satisfied Big K in the past). Note to self, stop taking diary to Starbucks. It does not end well… for the five year old that mocked me. *villainous cackle*
My day has been filled with its usual ups and downs. The first down of the day being within the vicinity of the self-righteous witchy bitchy. Big K was first forced to hide out in a dank, dark cave with desiccated body.
However, this allowed time for Big K to admire himself. The mirror does just not do Big K's jaw line justice (an up for K) (both looking at his beauty and his jaw line) (running total for the day Ups: 2 Downs: 1). This serenity that Big K was given was interrupted by the aforementioned Bitc— forgive Big K, he meant Witch.
Big K was allowed to be creepy and scare Bronte from behind (another up. Big K would not be able to get through every dramatic and episode that occurred in is life without allowing his inner creep to… well, to creep out).
The conversation with the Witch went as all others do. Accuse. Negotiate. Educate. Threaten. Choke. Threaten. Scared look in Belle's eyes. Enticing offer. Struck new deal.
Diary, lets take a side bar in the record of K's day and have a discussion about how Big K feels about the newly-almost-undead pasty white, boring, dull, lifeless hair covered doppelganger. K IS FILLED WITH RAGE AND IF HE WASN'T HIDING FROM ALL THE SUPERNATURALS IN THE TOWN/WORLD RIGHT NOW HE WOULD GO ON A RAGE INDUCED MURDER SPREE TO ATTEMPT TO MAKE BIG K HAPPY AGAIN HOWEER THIS CANT HAPPEN AS HE IS HIDING AND NO MORE HYBRIDS BLOODY SPENT 1000 YEARS BREAKING A BLOODY CURSE AND CREATING A MASTER RACE OF HYBRIDS THAT WOULD BE BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE AND WOULD SHOW DADDY AND MUMMY THAT THEY DIDN'T BEST ME THE STUPID SILLY PARENTS! (this is deffinately a down)
Back to the events of the day, Brooke made Big K an offer he couldn't refuse. A doppelganger full of fresh human blood (up) is what K wants, almost as much as wanting out of the teenaged boy that Big K's conscious was currently living in. Ehhhggggg *violent shivers* *weird movements of hands contracting back towards the torso like a t-rex*.
Bolinda left leaving Big K to resume his ogling of his gorgeousnessness.
Diary, at this point all Big K did was fend off periodic calls from 'Mum' on Tyler's mobile telephone.
…
Closed the lid of my coffin. Too much staring would make K seem vain. Once again the boys phone rang, and in an attempt to make it stop, Big K decided to answer the phone in favour of smashing it against the cave wall.
Tbh dairy, Big K is glad he did. Caroline was taken by the silly little Mystic Hell council.
K IS FILLED WITH RAGE MUST RESCUE HER EVEN THOUGH BLIGH SAID TO STAY HERE AND BIG K WILL BE EXPOSING TYLER (WHO WAS MEANT TO DIE) TO THE BEAUTIFUL CAROLINE K'S LIFE IS FILLED WITH 99 PROBLEMS AND HIS JAW LINE AIN'T ONE OF THEM.
…
As Big K watched the procession of police vehicles and vans move swiftly along the highway, K heard an unexpected shrill voice. Darling Bekah's voice. SHE IS JUST ALWAYS IN THE WRONG PLACE IT WAS LIKE THIS WHEN WE WERE KIDS.
Breaking into action, K made a few cars crash and there was an explosion and yarda yarda. Heard Bexie question what was happening. OMG how does she not el comprehend a rescue when she hears one. Note to self two: look into getting a new sista from another mista (and mother as parents are dead).
K heroically ripped off the van doors with his manliness and gallantly pulled a beautiful Caroline from the wreak. The cops were coming back. Had to get out of there.
Looking back now, maybe leaving Bex there was not the best move on K's part. Oops. Live and let learn. (A down if K ever saw one)
…
The next event that happened to Big K could be considered my fault, but also not my fault. Depending how one looks at it…
In my defence, she kissed me first. Ahh, it was amazing. UP UP UP UP UP!
Caroline is, a fresh gust of air in a 1000 year old tomb (of my heart). She is the morning sun in the night time (of my heart). The new flower in the fading winter (of my heart). The flickering candle on the 1700s (of my heart). The skinny tie to an Armani suit (of my heart). The white stripe to the black stripe of the zebra (of my heart). The moon to the night sky (of my heart). The letters to the alphabet (of my heart). The choreographed dance routine to a stylised rendition of a top 40s song (of my heart). Her hair is so shiny… and soft… as I found out when Big K ran his fingers through it. Little K didn't mind it either.
She is, like K said at the time, glorious. But not only a glorious kisser but a glorious slapper. To be fair K, deserved the slap. But Carline thinks that K is a horrible person but K would never do anything to her in the teenager's body. Wrong equipment indeed.
But K likes the silver lining. I got a glimpse of future angry thank-God-we-are-alive-sex or alternately, angry make up sex. Either, and both, are very much acceptable to Big K.
…
After our… confrontation in the foresty wooden area, I informed the beautiful Caroline of the past few hours. The spell, the original (hehe) deal, the new deal and Bronwyn's involvement. And her deceit. Caroline agreed that the sooner K was out the better. We set off in silence to the cellar where Bindy was waiting with the small Gilbert. K ships that.
To no one's surprise, Belinda refused to do the spell that would take me from this hideous exterior and place me back inside my beloved body with the fantastic jaw line.
A bit of threatening and gore changed that. Got heart muscle under finger nails, however this is no longer my problem. It is Tyler's. Thank God I got out of that mess.
Once Beyoncé began her spell Big K felt the magic pull at my consciousness. When you leave the host body, it's feels like a snap and suddenly your presence is in the room, just hanging around like one of Elijah's many suits, until the witch forces your consciousness back into your body. When this happened, when K regained consciousness, K became aware of yelling's and screaming's. Barbra was screaming at a Gram (I thought they used Imperial measurements here..?) and Beautiful Caroline was comforting one of my few remaining preciouses (sigh, so few hybrids left).
Diary, it is at this point that Big K gathered all his sass and burst forward from the coffin. All eyes were on me, like they are in that club song in the charts atm. I pulled on my lapels shaking the ash and soot from my ruined clothing and headed for the door with a flippant "thanks Bon" I stopped and looked back and the destruction and gave the kids something to please the crowd… one of my famous smirks.
Big K was outies bitches.
…
Back at Grand house no. 67, K took a shower and inspected the damage. K was all healed. Especially his equipment (smiley face). Had a shave and a haircut (obviously, I mean why not. It's not like the longer hair was hotter (it was, it so totally was)).
Continued plans to pack and leave. There is no reason why K should not. Beautiful Caroline is not ready for The Big K Thunder.
Unfortunately for K, one had forgotten Bexxie. She all stormed in in a rage while K was stroking his remaining bags of doppel blood. Get this diary, she was all 'you undervalue me' 'I loved you through everything' 'I'm better than hybrids'. Drama queen. Suffice to say that conversation did not go well. Note to self: stop making dagger threats. The never end well. (This was a down in the day).
K stormed out and is now hiding out in an undisclosed location.
Shall we get Starbucks? K is feeling a double hazelnut pump dark chocolate mocha frappe with caramel drizzle and sprinkles.
Days Rating:
Ups: 9
Downs: 8
A pretty average day if K ever saw one. Although… hybrids are now a distant memory and K had to play goody two shoes son to the mayor on the phone.
Not my best work, a lot happened for K in episode one, but not much room for mocking was given. I'll try again next time. BYYYYYYYYYYYYyEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeee
