Heading Home
Prologue
The feeling of a first love never fades, but does it relinquish when you become older and reunite after so many years apart? In my case I was in love with him, and he was unaware of it. We changed so much over the years from our looks to our personalities, but would the possible bring us together?
For someone you were always around how could you not ever get to know them? I've played the thoughts of hating and loving him in my mind for years, but I would have to push that aside for awhile.
Soon I would be on my way home for the holidays, and he would be there as well. For this year I would be spending Christmas with my long time my best friend, Kate. As well as her whole family, this included her older brother Justin.
The drive from the city to the quiet one I once called home was agonizing. I don't understand I why I was getting so flustered. I come home to visit at least twice a week to visit my own family, but maybe this time was different for Justin would be coming home as well.
I almost forgot I wasn't alone in the car. Kate gave me a soft squeeze of my hand to bring me back to reality. As we turned down the curvy road and I stopped slowly in front of a small white house. It felt like we were in high school again. Nothing had changed and we were finally home.
Chapter 1
As we approached the front steps I felt myself getting nauseous. I turned and scanned the cars already parked on the street. I recognized all of them and sighed with relief. Justin was not here yet and I felt myself become more calm and collective.
We were greeted by Kate's mom, Pam. She was so ecstatic we had arrived home safely. She attacked both Kate and I with hugs and kisses before speaking. "You girls look so beautiful. How I've missed you both so much," she said sincerely.
Kate and I both exchanged glances and laughed. "Pam, it's only been two days since we've seen you, but I know it feels like ages," I hugged her again before picking up my bags.
Pam waved us off to get settled and ready for dinner. It was only December 22nd, but knowing Pam she'd make dinner seem like it was Christmas. She did this because after so many years the whole family was finally home together for a holiday.
I walked in toe behind Kate into her room. Everything was just the same from when we were kids. I smiled looking at her desk filled with pictures of us through the years. This room was basically what was left of our childhood rapped into one.
I threw my bags on the floor and jumped onto Kate's queen size bed taking in the familiar smiles and scenery. Kate threw a pillow at me, "Get up lazy we need to get ready before everyone else gets here." I interoperated Kate's words as "JUSTIN'S COMING HOME HURRY YOUR ASS UP AND GET READY," but it's been years and Kate thinks I don't have feelings for her brother anymore.
I hurry to the bathroom before Kate can claim it. I look at myself in the mirror and just stare. I look so different from high school, and don't know what Justin will think of me. I put on my Forever 21 half sleeve black dress and apply a light coat of makeup on my face before letting my nice long curly brown hair free from my ponytail.
I step back from the mirror and really look at myself. I've felt my whole life like an outcast and now as I really see myself I actually think I'm worth more. I stare at the face looking back at me and start to think she's really beautiful.
I walk back into Kate's room to see she's already ready. I give her a questioning look as to how. She always seems to read my mind, "Downstairs bathroom." I laughed always forgetting that one. I slipped on my black heels and knew my outfit was complete.
Kate and I walked into the small kitchen filled with the most amazing aromas. I looked around to see Kate's parents and her younger brother, Dan just hanging out. I walked up to Dan, "Are we to old for hugs now?" He chuckled loudly.
It had been at least a year since I've seen Dan, but every time I do he seems to be getting taller and taller. "Of course now," he said while bring me into a tight embrace. "How's Duke University treating you?" He shrugged, "It's great but I love to come home and see everyone."
Heard someone at the front door and turned to see the knob turning. My heart began to sink slowly, but I kept my composure. In walked none other then Justin, but he wasn't alone. A tall blond followed him in toe and my heart sank.
The room was filled with, "I'm home!" and "my baby!" and "who is your friend?" It took a few minutes for me to process everything and I just felt like I was alone in the corner. Justin made his way through all the hello's and hugs before he finally made it me.
I looked up shyly to see a blank expression on his face which slowly became a smile. "Ally?" he asked questioning me. "Hi Justin," I said without missing a heartbeat. He came forward with his arms embraced and gave me a long warm hug. He whispered in my ear, "You look good." I returned his compliment with an "As do you."
It took the sound of Dan coughing to realize we should've released by now. I blushed feeling embarrassed, but changed the subject quickly. "So who is this," I said with my most convincing voice.
He took the blondes hand to lead her over, "This is Sarah, my girlfriend." I started to feel uncomfortable but played nice and introduced myself. I talked with Sarah for awhile before dinner and actually found myself liking her. In all honestly we had a lot in common.
Dinner felt as if it went by in a flash and now both Kate and I were curled up on the couch watching Christmas movies. I got up half way through the movie to refill my drink and my eyes wandered to the old swing set in the backyard.
Then I saw Justin pushing Sarah gently on the swings and I couldn't help it, but feel jealous that was her instead of me. Justin let Sarah's swing slow down before walking around to the front of it and lifting Sarah up to stand.
It was then Justin got down on one knee and I saw him hold up a ring that my heart stopped. My eyes began to fill with tears and then I bolted for Kate's room and slammed the door behind me.
My head was buried under a pillow when Kate walked in. She was so confussed to what was going on, but she sat there and rubbed my back without questioning. A good ten minutes later was when all the commotion started.
Justin and Sarah came in and announced their engagement and that's when Kate pieced it all together. She figured out I saw Justin propose to Sarah and that I still had feelings for him. She held me tight and I cried my eyes out. That's when the sound of a champagne popping was heard in the distance.
Chapter 2
Kate walked into the room an hour after Justin and Sarah's big announcement. She could get away with telling everyone that I was feeling sick, but if she said we both were everyone would think something was up.
She had her hands behind her back which meant only one think… "Ice Cream;" Kate said in her most enthusiastic voice. I chocked back the tears and softly whispered, "Chocolate Mint?" She began laughing, "Is there any better kind?"
Kate and I ate until we realized we finished the whole carton. Thank god Ben & Jerry's is such a small carton. Otherwise we'd be hitting the gym for the next ten years to get that ice cream poundage off.
There was an abrupt knocking on the door and in walked Justin. "Heard you were sick and thought I'd cheer you up with some ice cream;" he shrugged. Kate and I looked at each other then towards the empty carton.
Justin's eyes shifted towards the carton and started cracking up, "Kate, only you would bet me to the punch." She smirked, "Well she is my best friend." Kate playfully hit Justin in the shoulder and exited the room.
I started to feel uncomfortable that Kate would leave me and Justin alone; especially now. I was going to have to give her a good talking to later. I sighed a little too loud which caught Justin off guard.
He was determining whether or not to come sit on the bed or not. So he just sat on the desk chair a few feet away. I started to become more relieved and less uncomfortable. We became quiet for a few minutes before Justin broke the silence.
"Did you hear I'm getting married?" I wanted to scream yes I saw you propose actually, but I decide not to mention that. I smiled at Justin hoping it was a convincing one, "Yes, I'm so happy for you both!"
I got up and hugged him gently. He felt so warm and I didn't want to ever let go. Tears began to escape my eyes and I couldn't let Justin see me like this. I choked back my tears as best as I could, "Could you go I feel really sick."
He pulled back gently and looked at my eyes. He knew I was crying, but couldn't puzzle it together, "You ok?" I sniffled and then lied right through my teeth, "I'm just so happy for you."
He smiled and I tried my best to smile back. I got up and walked out of the room and ran down the hall to the bathroom. Before I got there I knocked into something well really someone.
I looked up from my tears to see Sarah starring me right in the eyes. She had this weird kind of smirk on her face, but I couldn't make it out as to why. Before I could say sorry she walked past me and brushed against my shoulder hard.
I watched as Sarah's hair bounced wildly back and forth and she walked down the hall. She turned back towards me and mouthed, "Watch your back." I just stood there like a rock with shock. Was I being threatened for no reason, or did I do something wrong?
Chapter 3
My head felt as if it were spinning. I desperately needed some fresh air. I quietly slipped on a pair of boots and slipped out the front door. I found myself picking up an old snow covered basketball and taking some shots.
I was disturbed with a loud clapping. I looked up to see Dan with a smug smile on his face. "Still got it huh?" I smiled nicely, "Haha! You're too funny." I passed Dan the ball and he took a few lay-ups.
He turned to me, "Listen I saw you and Sarah in the hall. What happened?" He blinked his blue eyes at me a few times waiting patiently for me answer. I just starred at him not being able to find my own words, and just shrugged.
Before I knew it Dan and I were playing a game of basketball. He's grown over me in the past years, but I'm still capable of kicking his butt. Down by one I just need to sink one more short and I win. I fake left and drive for the basket, but am stopped dead in my tracks to see Justin blocking the basket.
I freeze for a second, but come back when I feel Dan slap the ball from my hands. He dribbled all the way back to the side walk, and banks a three pointer. I feel so many mixed emotions come out at once. I charge at Justin and knock us both into a pile of snow.
We look up at each other and laugh. A loud coughing is called towards us, and I see Sarah looking at us both in rage. I get up before Justin pushes me off, and watch him run to keep in toe with Sarah who has just stampeded inside.
I look towards Dan who is minding his own business. I had to ponder a few minutes to finally come to realization that Sarah hates me. She hates me because she thinks I'm trying to steal her from Justin.
Chapter 4
It's not even eight and there is so much drama going on. Basically I've been labeled by Sarah as a whore, and Justin is trying to calm his fiancé down saying we were just playing around.
Sarah thinks both Justin and I like each other, but in reality it is only I who truly loves him. To Justin I'm just like an extra sister rather then a possible lover. I sigh and think maybe a nice hot shower would comfort me.
I turned on the shower and waited for it to turn hot. I stood under the hot water for what seemed like hours. I closed my eyes and listened to the water it felt like I was washing all my troubles away.
I searched for a towel in the linen closet, and placed it gently around my body. I dried off, changed into my pajamas, and gently brushed out my long brown hair. I was starting to feel like myself again.
Searching in my bag I took out my laptop and signed on my instant messenger. I smiled to see all the familiar names online. It had been ages since I've actually been on it. About ten IM's popped up at once, and I couldn't help but smile.
After about five minutes of responding to all my IM's an unfamiliar screen name popped up. I opened the IM from 'M0NEYMANJ' and read the following: "I'm sorry for Sarah's reaction earlier. She didn't realize we were just kidding around." I scoffed at his IM and just ignored it.
Justin began sending me IM's like "U There" and "Ally?" I really just wanted to cry. He didn't realize how much damage he was doing to my heart. I felt it was finally time to tell Justin how I felt, but I didn't know how.
I decided to barge into his room after some thought. I got out of my bed and came pounding into his room. Luckily at the moment Sarah was out and I could have some peace talking to Justin.
I closed the door and saw him look up and smile. He was lying on his bed in his sweats and I just wished he could be mine. I sat down next to him and sighed. He lightly touched my shoulder and turned to watch his eyes filled with concern.
I rested my head down on his pillow and shifted my body so I was lying down next to him. My eyes looked into his softly and I whispered those three words, "I love you." His expression soon changed and I couldn't make out what he was thinking.
He frowned, "Listen you and I know we've had our past, but I'm not sure if I could go back to it especially now when I'm engaged to Sarah." My face went white and I had to turn away from him.
Justin gently rubbed my back and I knew he cared for me. I loved him but he couldn't just leave his fiancé for me. He might have lost the feeling for us, but I haven't. It had been so long since our secret past had occurred. A secret no one had known about except for us two.
Chapter 5
I fell asleep on Justin's bed and was sent into a spur of dreams. I had so many flashes of our past in high school. I saw flashes of me and Kate and my own family. I stopped at the memory that would be burned into my mind forever.
It was a cool autumn's day when he told me he loved me and wanted to be with me forever. I was 16, a sophomore in high school and he was 18, a senior. I was sure I loved him as much as he loved me maybe more, but we were young and I was unsure of what would become of us.
We thought we would get married and start a family later in life, but the family came rather sooner then later. It was sometime the next year in the summer I found out I was carrying Justin's baby. No one knew we were dating and no one knew I was pregnant; not even Kate knew.
I was scarred and had no where to turn and no one to talk to. I couldn't face Justin for awhile after I found out. It took a lot of time to decide what I should do and what I did went against my religious beliefs.
When the baby was gone I knew it was time to tell Justin what had happened. He didn't take it well at all. At first he yelled about me not telling him and it should've been his decision to, but when he saw the tears streaming from my eyes he couldn't help but get watery himself.
He held me for what seemed like hours, but soon what we thought would be forever ended right there. Justin told me never to tell anyone about what happened between us, but just to forgive and forget.
I let the best thing that ever happened to me leave and I had nothing left not even his baby. It hurt me he could just leave me there alone, but I didn't realize I hurt him in the process of it all.
I awoke from my dream in a cold sweat and just stared at the ceiling until I calmed down. I love Justin and so did Sarah, but she would never truly experience life with Justin the way I had. Our relationship was kept secret and so was our baby. It was something I could never erase from my mind.
Chapter 6
A day had passed since I'd made eye contact with both Sarah and Justin. I just felt like I was the cause of all the drama going on during the first day of our visits. Hopefully I could mend any broken patches that were made the other day.
It is Christmas Eve today and I felt more blissful then ever. I felt like the day was passing like the speed of light, because before I knew it; it was time to go to Kate's families Christmas party.
I slipped into my new cheetah mini dress and caught the eye of not only Kate, but Dan as I showed it off. I was hoping to get Justin's attention away from Sarah. Who says a girl can't look good on the inside and the out?
I drove Dan and Kate to the big family party at Kate's grandma's house. Going to Kate's grandma's house made you feel as if you were in a club; her house was huge. I parked the car and we approached towards the door.
Kate pointed out Justin's car was already here. The crooks of my mouth widened into a smile. It was time to show Justin what he's missed the past years, and what he let go of was the only person who really knew him.
All three of us stepped into the house and were greeted with lots of hugs, kisses, and compliments. I caught the eye of Justin and then Sarah came into my view next to him. I tugged at Kate's arm and she was witnessing what I had just seen.
Before my own eyes was Sarah in the same dress as me and my jaw dropped completely. I bolted to the bathroom before she saw me and commented, but it was too late I caught her smug smile as I glanced back towards the party.
I stared straight into the mirror at myself. Sarah was probably making fun of me as we speak, and I didn't have to courage to say anything back. I felt as if I were in high school again being tortured by others mockery day in and day out.
I closed my eyes and glanced at the girl before me. The girl I saw was not in high school anymore. She was all grown up and had to face the world for what it was. I tried to gain some confidence by thinking maybe everyone will think it's cute and ironic. I prayed that this would be how it played out.
That's when the most brilliant idea came to me. If Sarah was wearing the same dress I would just have to make myself look better in it like they do with Hollywood celebrities.
I fixed my hair and make up and walked out the bathroom door with my head held high. I caught the eyes of a few of Kate's family members before I reached to Justin and Sarah. Justin was smiling as usual but this time he had a hint of red in his face. I glanced over behind him at Sarah who was glaring at me.
He took a sip of his wine, "You look great Ally." I couldn't help but blush at his compliment, "Thanks! You look pretty handsome yourself." He looked over to Sarah who was still glaring at me and he gave me a puzzled look.
I looked away and pretended to be distracted so I didn't need to explain what was going on. Dan walked up next to me and glanced back and forth between me and Sarah. He started laughing, "I'm waiting for a cat fight to break out."
Justin now turned to Dan, "What do you mean?" Dan looked flustered at Justin's question, "Can't you see they're wearing the same outfit! Clearly I'm waiting for all hell to break lose and cause a girl fight." He winked in my direction before turning away.
It would be Dan who can read my mind and save the day. Sarah turned with a fake cheery smile to Justin, "So baby who do you think wore it better?" Justin looked like a deer stuck in headlights while Sarah waited impatiently for her answer.
Justin began sweating, "I think…" He was cut mid sentence when Kate accidently slipped on a drink and sent her own glass of wine spewing at Sarah's dress. The room when silent and Sarah began screaming and as she stormed by me she whispered into my ear, "It's on!"
I plainly rolled my eyes at her. I was just watching my back like she told me to. It's not my fault that I'm a little klutzy and spilt a few drops of my wine on the floor knowing Kate would slip on it.
Justin was just starring around figuring out if he should follow Sarah or not. He just stayed in place so I figured he'd just keep his distance from her for awhile. He locked his eyes with mine and then turned away to a less vacant part of the house.
I knew it was my cue to follow him. As I slipped from the room I found myself starring at a now angry Justin. He clutched his fists, "I always thought you were below playing tricks like what you just did to Sarah, but I guess I was wrong about you."
My mouth dropped how he could have known. He read my mind, "I saw you tip some of your wine before Kate walked by." He shook his head back and forth. I bit the bottom of my lip, "I'm sorry."
He sighed, "Don't tell that to me tell that to Sarah." I wanted to tell him so bad about how she was out to get me, but I didn't try to make the situation worse. He wrapped his arms about me, "I will always have a place in my heart for you, you know that, but I'm getting married and it's been so long."
I felt the tears wielding in my eyes for what was to happen next. He kissed my forehead and whispered, "I love you." He stroked my cheek gently, "If only we still had the baby then things might have been different."
I pulled away from him in disgust, "Maybe? Really, well why would I have a baby with a boy who wouldn't even let me tell my best friend I was pregnant none the less dating her own brother."
A sudden gasp made us turn our heads and we saw Kate in the door way. Both Justin and I couldn't find our words. Kate just shook her head and walked away. I wanted to chase after, but my legs were frozen.
Justin looked back at me and saw the fear in my eyes. He whispered, "She won't tell." I began to sob quietly and turn away to leave. He grabbed me back softly, "For the record I think you wore it better…"
Chapter 7
I get up early to watch the sunrise. It is a chilly Christmas morning and I feel bitter and alone. I replay last night over and over in my head, and think less of Justin and more of Kate.
Kate hasn't spoken to me since last night when she saw Justin and I release our baby secret in quiet. I wouldn't blame her for not talking to me. I've had this secret locked up for almost 10 years.
I wished my life was like a sunrise; always beautiful and never disappointing. I got up from the patio and made my way back to my now empty room. Kate slept on the downstairs couch last night to cool herself down.
I crept down the old creaky stairs to see Kate up as well. She turned to me but then looked back at the TV. I sighed, "I'm sorry I kept this from you for so long." She tensed her face, "If I didn't walk in on you both I might have never even known."
She didn't let me reply back, because she knew I had no words. "It's one thing to keep your relationship a secret, but hiding a baby from me..." She sighed, "I bet you were alone and scared. I wish you told me, because as your best friend it's my job to comfort you."
A small tear ran down my cheek, "I wish I told you, but Justin felt it was better if you didn't know." I saw her eyes tear up as well, "I don't care who you love as long as you're happy." She hugged me for what seemed like hours and planted a kiss on my head, "You're my best friend and I will always love you."
I never wanted to end my hug with Kate. It felt like her hugs stopped all evil and protected me through it all. She was my best friend and I loved her; I would always love her. I whispered; "Always and Forever." She nodded and smiled.
She turned next to her and handed me a small teal box with a black faded ribbon around it. I looked down at the box and back up at her. Kate winked as she got up to go upstairs.
I carefully opened the box and found a small silver necklace with my name on it. I turned it over to find an inspiration in it that read, "I will love you even in the after life." At the bottom of it I didn't see a little K for Kate, but a J for Justin.
My hands began to shake as I placed the necklace on my neck. I wondered how old the necklace was, but smiled at the thought Justin had gotten it for me. I slowly walked up stairs and walked to Justin's room.
I peaked in to see if he was there. He was sleeping quietly on the bed next to his loud snoring fiancée, Sarah. I started to giggle loudly. Justin woke up but Sarah just remained still.
Justin got up and walked towards me still half asleep. I gently fiddled with my necklace to see what he would say to me. He stretched and yawned before pushing me out of the doorway and into the hall.
He looked down at my neck stunned to see what was on it. He sneered, "Where did you get that?" My voice sounded shaky as I lied, "I found it." Justin put his hand onto the necklace and moved his thumb over my name.
He yawned once more, "I bought this for you when we were in high school." I didn't want to talk so I waited until he said more. He finally caught on, "I thought I couldn't live without you." He paused. "I knew I hurt you by leaving, but I was just upset you didn't tell me about the baby."
The only words I could find were, "I need you." He closed his eyes and sighed. We stood in silence for a few minutes. I moved my hand to touch his gently, but he jerked his arm back before I could. He closed his eyes as he spoke, "I needed you" He paused. "10 years ago."
Chapter 8
Christmas is a time to forgive and forget. I wanted to forgive Sarah for being so judgmental towards me, and forget he who must not be mentioned. I put my hand into a fist and lightly tapped on Sarah's door.
The door opened slowly and I was greeted by smiling Sarah. Once she noticed it was me her face turned into a frown. She scowled, "What do you want?" I felt my hands balling up into a fist as I tried to tolerate her rudeness.
I tried to smile warmly, "I just wanted to say I was sorry about yesterday. I know it was a rotten trick I played on you." She yanked me into the room and slammed the door shut.
"Listen here missy Justin's not around now so don't try to go around trying to act nice and apologetic towards me." I took a breath, "I don't care if Justin's around this is about us not him."
She looked at me judging if I was telling the truth, "Fine I'll put my differences with you aside for now, but if I see you ever touching my man again I will send all vengeance on you. I laughed to myself, "Deal."
I walked out of the room with a smile gleaming on my face. I started to feel a little drowsy and went to lie on the couch. I was sent off into a deep dreamless sleep, but I soon felt my body being shook and someone screaming my name.
I bolted right up to see Kate hysterically crying. I tried to comfort her, "Kate what happened?" She tried to speak but everything came out as jibberish. I waited until she calmed down, "He's gone!"
I got nervous, "Who's gone?" She starred at my necklace so she didn't have to say the names burned in her lips. I shook, "Justin? Where did he go?" She looked at me, "Ally he's dead."
My mind looped around the word dead. I whispered, "How?" She tried to catch her breath, "He looked upset earlier and took off. The police said his car slide on ice and hit into a tree."
Three words rang into my mind, "I killed him." I began to cry hysterically and kept repeating those three words over and over. She held me, "Ally, you didn't kill him, he left on his own. It was his choice to leave and what happened to him was a sad accident that none of us could have predicted."
I bolted to Sarah's room to see if she knew. I looked around to see her no where in site. I turned to see Dan in the doorway. He shook his head, "Ally she left early this morning. She didn't want to stay with all the drama."
My mind was spinning how could Sarah leave? Did she know about Justin? Why didn't I just keep my mouth closed? I started to feel light headed and went to sit on Justin's bed.
I found an old shirt of his there and just held in close to me. I stayed in his bed for more then two days. I went without food and water, because I myself felt as I died to. Justin like the man I loved for years had.
Epilogue
It has been exactly a year from today I lost Justin. It hurts to even bring him up, but I'm trying to get on with life as he would want me to. I always wear the necklace I was given last Christmas by him.
When I miss him I go sit in his old room and lay on the floor pretending he's still here. I close my eyes and take in the smell that still remains of him. Sometimes I feel he's watching me from up above.
If you're wondering what ever happened to Sarah she's engaged to a wealthy man from New York. At the Justin's funeral she took me aside and told me how sorry she was. She then shared to me she was cheating of Justin with her new fiancé. How is that for irony?
Dan is now a college graduate and has moved back home as Kate and I have also. We all try to live our lives to fullest and never take for grated what we have. All three of us will never forget Justin and the love he shared will all.
As for me, well I'm holding up fine. A few weeks after Justin's death we found a piece of paper in the dashboard of his now destroyed car. The envelope was white and only the words for my love on it.
We all assumed it was for Sarah, but Kate said she didn't deserve the letter. When Kate opened it she saw it was dated that Christmas, and that the letter was now for Sarah, but for me.
I remembered crying at the sight of the letter even when I had not read it yet myself. I cried for the fact I was the last words that he would have ever spoken to in person and through letter. I always re-read it with tears in my eyes and love in my heart.
Here is his finally words for you:
My Dearest Ally, 12/25/2019
As I write you this I'm sitting on the beach where I told you I loved you that once autumn's day all those years ago. I was so upset this morning I had to get away and clear my head.
I've realized I've made a big mistake asking Sarah for my hand in marriage. I hope you will forgive me and believe me when I saw I love you to. I will love you always even if you lose your love for me.
When I think of you I think of you I always hears your beautiful laugh ringing in my ears. It reminds me of a sunset calm and peaceful. I could never describe you in more then just two words, but if I had to I'd chose beautiful.
Ally, I want us to get married one day and start a family. When I think of family I think back to the baby we almost once had long ago. I hope out baby will turn out as beautiful as you.
I'm glad I came back this Christmas to see you. I just needed a little reminder of what I've always dreamed about since high school. The one I would always love no matter what. Want to know something? That girl I'm talking about is you Ally.
I will always love you no matter where life takes us, and hopefully you won't make me suffer by rejecting me now. You're the girl of my dreams so now it's your turn to make it for real in reality.
I will love you forever!
Love,
Justin
Life has now separated Justin and me, but I would never forget his words. He lives on in my heart as well as others who loved him. He was my first and only love and for that I owe him the telling of our story.
