Too many memories, too many bad dreams. Sleep just would not come to me… I'd been tossing and turning for the past hour to no avail. Finally I decided to go for a drive, hoping to tire myself out.
Somehow, I found myself at Point Pleasant. I grabbed my handbag and slammed the car door. I was walking along the shore when I saw a B&B. It was a cosy looking place, perfect for a little break from life. More importantly, it didn't have any memories.
I booked a little cabin for five nights, hoping to get myself a little bit under control by then. I fell asleep into a dreamless sleep the moment my head hit the pillow.
XXXOOOXXX
I want to see her. I need to see her. The monster inside me is roaring and only she can calm him down. My control is slipping. I step into her apartment, feeling her absence the moment my feet touch her plywood floors. She isn't here.
I need her. I step into her bedroom to see her empty bed. It's still warm. Her scent surrounds me as I lie down. The monster calms down, but I know this won't satisfy him for long. 'I need to see her' is my last thought as I slip into a restless sleep.
XXXOOOXXX
The sun filtering through the windows wakes me, but I lay there, warm and comfortable; and for the moment, safe. I can't live like this anymore, I need to move on. I need to let go of that apartment and find a new place.
I get off the bed and go outside, find a descent shop and buy some clothes for myself, since I'm still in my pyjamas. Getting back to my cabin, I shower and get dressed. I have some work to do.
XXXOOOXXX
I haven't seen her for three days now. The beast is roaring, and I fear that soon, it will be even out of her control to tame him. During the day, I can put up a front and get through the work, but the nights – the nights are the worst. The darkness consumes my soul, feeding the monster inside of me.
Soon it will be consumed with bloodlust, and won't be satisfied until it is fed.
I need you babe, please stop this.
I fight, I punch the bag in front of me, pretending its some felon. My fists hurt, but I welcome the pain. It soothes my darkened soul.
XXXOOOXXX
It only took me two days, but I found a cute little two bedroom house just outside of Trenton. It's only a twenty minute drive to work and really easy maintenance. Since I'm paying up front, it will only take about ten days to get all the paperwork settled.
The apartment somehow frightens me these days. I haven't been there since I left. I think I get rid of everything inside of it and start anew. I might take a desk job at Rangeman until I have all the skills I need to become a bounty hunter.
All my nightmares are catching up to me, and I can't run anymore.
I book an appointment with a therapist. I can only live in denial for so long. I need help…
I now realise what a luxury sleep is. The ability to forget everything and chase your dreams for eight hours straight, every night. I have been able to sleep better since leaving my apartment, but I do get the occasional nightmare. I can run, but I can't hide.
XXXOOOXXX
I wait outside the bonds office in my Porsche Cayenne, hoping to see her. I've waited for about four hours before I see her. She's as beautiful as ever, her face so radiant that I want to bask in her light.
I enter the bonds office ten minutes after her, it took all my control just to count the ten minutes. I grab her as soon as I'm in touching distance to her and pull her into me. Her warmth melts my cold heart, and I can breathe again. She whimpers and I realise that I'm holding her too tight. It takes a lot of effort to loosen my arms and give her some space.
I pull her outside to my car, not caring that Lula and Connie are staring with disbelief. I safely buckle her into my car and race to the driver's side, loathing every second I'm away from her. I drive straight to Rangeman, relishing her presence, absorbing it.
We both understand each other without a word being spoken. I reach for her in the elevator, pulling her into my arms, her back to my front. The sweet smell of her shampoo tingles in my nose.
I fob us into my apartment on seven and pull her inside.
"I need you babe. Please, please, just touch me. I need to feel you against me" my voice is hoarse with need.
She moves closer and caresses my face, her touch so light, it's just a whisper across my skin. She removes my jacket and unbuttons my shirt, before losing her own jacket.
We move to the sofa and sit, cuddling into each other. She bites into the skin on my neck, and then kisses it, marking me, making me hers'. Her hands move down my waist and I'm powerless to stop them. She removes every barrier which denies her access to my body. Then she tortures me, teases me, until I forget all my nightmares, until it's just us… Finally she gives me release. She tames the monster inside of me every time.
XXXOOOXXX
I find myself cuddled into Ranger the next morning. The sun is shining brightly through the curtains, and yet we're both still in bed. I turn to find him staring, doe eyed and wide awake, he looks adorable.
I suddenly remember my appointment with my therapist, which is in about an hour and jump out of bed. I shower and get dressed, only to find him still in bed. "We'll talk tonight, okay?" I ask.
He nods, and heads for the shower. I can tell that he was on the edge last night, but I don't know how close he was to falling over. We have an understanding… sometimes words just aren't enough.
My session lasts for two hours and by the end of it, I'm feeling drained, but happier. I book in another session for next week and head to the cabin. I need to extend my stay there until my house is finalised. I contact my lawyer to get all the paperwork in order.
We meet up for dinner at Pino's. Ranger is still in his suit from a meeting with a potential client. He orders his salad, and I order my pizza. We sit in a quiet corner and dig into our food.
"What happened?" I ask
"We had a takedown, it didn't end well… They were kids, barely eighteen, they were stuck in the crossfire between two rival gangs. I just couldn't stop seeing it" He ground out.
I nodded and reached for his hand across the booth. We sat there in silence for a while. "I bought a house" I told him. He looked up, surprised. "It's just outside of Trenton, twenty minutes to Rangeman" I elaborated.
"You haven't been to your apartment for a while"
I know that he monitors my movement, and I know about his late night visits.
"Yeah… I've been having bad er, bad dreams. I guess it's all catching up to me. I'm seeing someone about it, but being away from the apartment helps"
"Oh babe" he murmurs
"I'm improving… I've been living at this B&B at Point Pleasant, it's nice, and they clean up after me." That gets a smile out of him.
XXXOOOXXX
"You know, I was thinking, maybe we should live together… I mean we would both worry less, and sleep better. It's just more convenient" I say, my heart thudding loudly in my chest.
She looks at me for a moment, her eyes suspicious as to my intentions, which might I add are anything but noble, and then nods.
"Okay, but we are not in a relationship, and we are not dating, and we are not getting married" she states. I nod, thinking that now was not the time to tell her about the shiny engagement ring in my safe.
"And, you'll move into my new house, its two bedroom and two bathroom, so we won't be in each other's way" she continues. I nod once again. In my heart we're already married, and we don't need a piece of paper to tell us that – for now.
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Alright, so please read and review… or just tell me your thoughts…
There's a fanfic where Ranger tells Steph about his childhood and how his parents were murdered in front of him, and he was hidden in a cupboard and saw the whole thing. Then he ran away and killed the guy and then his uncle (whom he calls papa) adopted him. Anyone know what it's called? Thank you in advance
