And I don't want the world to see me

cuz I don't think that they'd understand

when every things meant to be broken,

I just want you to know who I am

-Iris (Goo goo dolls)

DISCLAIMER I DON'T OWN ANYTHING THIS IS FOR TH ENTIRE STORY


Ryan POV

Turns out the justice league owned a few rooms in the hospital local to Gotham. Apparently the league owns a few rooms in hospitals nationwide (A few global) guess the private rooms come in handy, they sure did now.

I was sitting by Dick's bedside we'd been here for two days and he was still unconscious, the doctors the league hired had decided to sedate him to keep him out of pain. Three broken ribs, a sprained wrist, a fractured skull and a collapsed lung. All of that caused Dick's body to go into shock which lead to him having a coronary arrest, which miraculously only lasted a few moments then his heart continued to beat. The doc said if we hadn't gotten Dick to the Hospital when we had, a little longer and he could've died.

I tried to focus on the constant beep of the heart monitoring system, but failed epically. My mind kept going back to the conversation I had had with Artemis earlier that day.


"It's a simple procedure. We like to call it 'masking'. Even though its simple, the procedure is advance and well not exactly authorized in the medical field, it's a concept the league invented for people who's identity's had been discovered and needed to disappear and it's our best shot." Artemis said quietly not wanting to be over heard by the other apprentices who were in the lobby of the leagues section of the hospital and were raiding the vending machines.

"We…our best…the best way to do this would be to fake your death prior to the procedure, then once everyone thinks your dead, we can proceed with the masking." I could tell Artemis was extremely uncomfortable talking about this, and I could understand why.

"Well…I don't want to put the team in danger again…" I said under my breath even quieter than Artemis, "I…I don't' know Arty, I mean…I know it what's best and I said I would and we're supposed to be hero's right? And hero's are supposed to do what's right but I don't know if I can do it- I…I just want to take some time to think about it a little more…"

"I understand." Artemis said grabbing my hand, "And I don't want you to feel like you have to…I had to go undercover once a few years ago for a mission. I had to become huntress, but this was before masking was a thing so I got a pendant that had a spell on it that disguised me. I wish we could do that for you, but we don't have the pendant any more and Zatanna…she's not going to be casting spells for a while and her father is MIA at the moment."

I sighed I didn't want her pity, I didn't want any one's pity, "I understand, the masking though, is it reversible?"

Artemis looked up to face me dead in the eye, "No. Masking is permanent, but after everything we can give you another procedure where we can re-replicate how you look right now, but then like I said we should fake your death, unless you want to say you've gone into hiding? But if you go with faking your death you'll practically have to live under a rock, because the masking process is extremely classified and we wouldn't want people to know you underwent the procedure. Only the founding 7 and the senior most members know about it. I only know because Dick hacked the system and told Wally, Kaldur and I along with Connor and Megan.

"I understand, I just need time to think things over."


I grabbed Dick's hand, "I don't know what to do…" I said even though I knew he couldn't hear me, I just wanted to talk to someone about it besides Artemis, and hey he couldn't hear me anyway. "This masking thing, changing who I am, I just don't think I can do it…I know I said I wanted to be a hero, and heroes are all about self sacrifice, but maybe there was a reason I was a villain ya know?" I sniffled, "I just wish you'd wake the hell up so you could tell me what you think, I know getting masked would be for the best but…" a tear fell down my cheek, maybe it was a good thing he was asleep, he'd already seen me cry enough in this life time.

"Don't be ruining your pretty face while you still go it." Dick groaned, "Ass hole!" I screamed joyously as I practically jumped on to him, giving him a hug, "Calm down princess still in pain." He chocked out, though not with out returning the hug, I stood up and smacked his arm, "Don't you dare do that again you- ugg!" I scolded him before hugging him again, "I'll try my best Ry."

When I finally got off of him and sat down I asked him, "So uh, before I knew you were awake…did you hear all that?"

"Yea,,,I did." Dick said trying, and failing to smile, "So you see my dilemma."

"Yea…"

"I should go tell the others you're awake." I said trying to get up. "No." He spoke softly, "Not yet. You obviously want to talk about his, I'm not blind, or deaf for that matter so sit down and let's talk."

I sat back down, "well I think I've made it obvious what I want, but just because it's what I want, doesn't mean it's what I'll do…"

"Just because you won't have your face, doesn't mean you won't be you, ok? You'll still be the same person you are right now." Not only did it sound like he was trying to convince me, but that he was also trying to convince me, but also trying to convince himself.

"But this choice wouldn't just be affecting me, my friends would think I'm dead, how would that affect them? What about Perry? She already thinks I'm knocked up." Dick grinned a little at that memory, "I know it'll be hard, but we, you have to think, do the con's really outweigh the pro's?"

I looked down at our entwined hands, "Yeah, I think I know what I'm going to do, but I was hoping you'd talk me out of it."

"And did I?"

"I don't know. I'm going to go tell everyone your up."

I got up and started walking out of the room, but quickly turned to give him a light peck on the lips, "Thank you for making me talk about this."

He grinned, "That's what annoying boyfriends are for."

I smiled then alerted the others that Dick was awake.

Oooo

Everyone was thrilled to see he was awake, its like all the tension had dissipated and everything was right and everyone was ignoring the fact that we still had a war going on, but given recent events and Dick's return to the land of the living, some celebration was much needed.

Everyone was bringing him food and chatting with him while I stood in the doorway of the very crowded hospital room.

"Dude, what you did was insane!" One apprentice praised him, "Yea I mean, didn't it hurt?" said one girl, "Nah, I'm fine, I mean I wouldn't recommend it, but I'm still alive aren't I?"

"Hardly." Artemis scoffed. Every started laughing, including me, "I am glad you are alright." Kaldur said patting Dick's shoulder then walking towards me, "Can we talk?" he asked quietly. I nodded my head and followed him into the hallway were everyone was previously, Kaldur was quiet for a few moments, "You know his name." He finally said even quieter then before, "Yes." Crap I thought, when Dick fell I called out to him, Kaldur had heard…they all had. It's not like I was going to lead Kaldur on, hell I had planned on setting things straight the day after Dick and I made things official, but then the attack happened and the timing never seemed right, "I want to believe that the two of you are just friends, but considering that it took years for Dick to open up to Wally and I about his identity, I highly doubt that is the case."

"Kaldur it was never my intention to lie to you, so right now, I'll be completely honest." I started, I wanted to this to be as painless as possible. "I met Dick on the first day on the ship. And at first I thought he was an arrogant ass, and since I'm being honest I'll even say that I still do." I waited for him to crack a smile…he didn't. "But I don't know after our first fight he…he asked me if I was ok. I know that sounds stupid but after the way I was brought up that little thing meant a lot to me. He was nice to me yet I don't know he's sarcastic and I don't know he gets me! He's tried to help me since I was little and…" I was at a loss for words I really couldn't explain why I liked Dick so much, he was charming and cocky but when you let him show it, he was really sweet, he was able to joke around with me and just keep up with me, I didn't feel like I needed to slow down so he could catch up with me, we were running the same track.

"Then you came along and…I'm not going to lie this was after I was pissed off at Dick and I thought, maybe a change of pace would be a good thing and Kaldur, I loved being with you, you made me happy, and I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my chest." Kaldur smiled at that, "But I realized that the feeling I get when I'm with dick is…its so much more than that, I feel like I'm flying, like I'm secure and safe but there's always something else, something dangerous…I just can't explain it."

"It's called love." Kaldur said with a gravelly voice. "I loved once, her name was Tulia."

"Aqua girl…" I whispered remembering that she had died in an attack.

"Yes and after I joined the Young Justice team and Left Atlantis, she found love with my closest friend, Garth."

I winced I couldn't imagine the pain Kaldur had gone through, "Kaldur I'm sorry you went through that, and I want you to know I really am sorry about this, and as cliché as this sounds, I do hope we can be friends."

Kaldur gave me a small smile, "Of course."

"Thank you." I said giving Kaldur a quick hug.


It had started storming outside. The rain slammed against the window of Dick's room, I was listening to the sound of the rolling thunder. Dick was sleeping despite his protests of "Ready to get back out on the field".
"Hey." Artemis said entering the now empty room, after Dick had gone back to sleep every one eventually left. "Hey" I responded solemnly. "Wally is going with some of the others into town find out what's going on with the Thanigarians." Artemis informed me. It was nice to know, but I also knew that small talk wasn't exactly Arty's forte.

"I'm going to do it. I'll do it Arty, so please, just I'm not in the mood right now."

"Oh…ok." Artemis said the rasp in her voice a little stronger than usual. I turned to see that her eyes were getting misty as she stared out the window with me, "I'm sorry." She whispered, "I'm asking you to give up your entire life for the league and your willing to do it just because it's the right thing. Ry you're one of the bravest people I know."

"Brave?" I scoffed, "at first I wasn't going to do it, hell I still can't believe I am, I'm scared out of my mind."

"Ryan, bravery isn't never being afraid, it's being able to recognize your fears and face them."

I smiled weakly, "Well I guess I should start writing out my will, make my criteria for my funeral, which I will be attending, and I do expect to have some say in what I will look like." I said trying to lighten the mood.

Artemis gave a chuckle, "I suppose the will would be a good idea, leave me all the good stuff." She winked at me, "As for the funeral, you can be co planner, I want some say in my dear departed friends last memorial," Artemis continued feigning remorse even wiping a fake tear, I burst out laughing.

"As for the looks," Arty said sobering up, "of course you get a say, this is your body, and you get to choose what to do with it."

"Well that's a relief." I said sarcastically.

"Can I get a say?" Dick mumbled, "Shut up Grayson!" I said throwing an object at him, which he of course caught.

The three of us laughed, then Arty started backing away, "Well I'll let you guys talk some stuff over, I'm going to go check with the ones that are still here."

"See ya Arty." I replied while Dick just waved. When Arty left I walked over to Dick and sat on the edge of his bed, thanks to some healing serum thing that's saved for emergency's that I'm not supposed to know about, Dick's injuries were almost completely healed, just some major bruising and the doctors wanted him on bed rest for another day or two. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me on top of him and I carefully laid my head on his chest as he stroked my hair, "You have to be the one to tell Perry." I told him, "Tell her- tell her I love her ok?" I said tearing up, "Tell her she's my best friend and that I probably would've turned out a lot worse with out her, I plan on writing all this stuff down for you to read at my funeral in a letter ok? Then I want you to give her the letter, ok?"

"I will." Dick responded simply.

"So what's going to be the cover story? How am I going to die?" I asked him trying to sound as calm as possible.

"Perry already thinks you're pregnant. So childbirth?" He offered, "Yeah I guess. I don't have a lot, but Perry gets everything, my money, my stuff, everything. You getting all this?" I checked, "I'll send my lawyer the list." I could tell he wasn't joking though, he would take care of me, he always has and he always will.


After the league kidnapped me they kept me, I don't know how long for, but the kept the bare minimum, feeding me just enough for me to get by, and not giving me anything, just so I couldn't turn something into a weapon, except one person. Robin, he practically saved me hell without him I would've been driven as crazy as my father. Robin found a way to loop video footage of me by myself so he could sneak into my cell undetected, he'd bring me food, not much more but it was something and he'd talk to me, keep me sane, eventually he started brining little things like a deck of cards that he would bring me, but take back when he left. Not only did he keep me alive, he became my friend.

For the first month I tried keeping track of the days but it just got harder and harder. And one day Robin didn't visit, "I'm bored!" I called out to the camera's I knew were watching, "Common! Entertain me!" I hollered, there was an explosion and I ran to a corner of the room throwing my arms over my head, in case of rubble. Someone dropped next to me, Robin, "Well you sure know how to deliver…" I grunted getting up, "We're under attack." Robin rushed out grabbing my arm, "M, you can either help us, maybe you'll be forgiven, I think Batman has realized Joker isn't coming for you, or, get out of here, I don't want you to be caught in cross fire." I looked at him, was this, a test?

He took my silence for an answer and looked genuinely upset, "The exit is up the vent shaft go about 30 feet to the left then turn right, take the next two lefts and the third right, is your exit.

Robin thought I bolted first chance I got but on my way out I passed a security room were on the screen I saw Robin and the blond bitch in a room filling with water, to this day I doubt they know it wasn't robin that saved them, it was me. I set the room to drain it's self then left, figuring the boy wonder could deal with the two red robots after that.