wrote this forever ago and just recently found it again so I decided to post it.
To those waiting for freedom: I am sorry if you got an author alert expecting an update on that story. I promise I have most of the next chapter written and it should be up soon.
Warning: contains a brief description of sexual child abuse in the second chapter.
I do not own criminal minds or any of the characters
Thank you to my beta jessalynnGSR. You rock!
I had never felt as venerable as I did at that moment. Carl had been arrested and lead away in handcuffs, which would have been a welcome sight had it not been for the two men staring at me afterward. I didn't like being regarded as a victim. I am a freaking FBI agent. That's one of the reasons I didn't come forward sooner, that look they were both giving me.
I felt so ashamed. Not just because they know what he did to me, but also because I could have stopped it at any time. If I had been braver, James, and countless other boys wouldn't have had to go through what I did. I knew what Carl was doing and I did nothing. I can't change the past, but I am going to make damn sure it won't happen again.
I wanted to just melt into the floor and disappear, but I knew I had to face Hotch and Gideon at some point.
"Hotch," I started. "Do you mind if I take some time off? I want to stick around Chicago for a while."
"No problem, take as much time as you need," he replied instantly.
I started to walk away hoping that maybe, just maybe, I could get away before anything else was mentioned. But my hopes were dashed as Gideon called out.
"Derek!"
I turned and faced him.
"We work with a team of the best profilers in the world. So, I can't guarantee they won't piece together what happened, but I can guarantee they won't hear it from us."
That meant more to me than I could ever express. I wanted to say so but I didn't trust myself to speak; I just nodded and walked out the door.
I went straight to my mom's house; but the closer I got, the more dread crept into my heart. In the morning, the newspapers would be buzzing with the news that Carl Buford, an upstanding member of the community, had been arrested for murder and for abusing boys in his care. My family deserved to hear it from me, but I didn't even know how to start. I buried this thing for so long, and now it all came unraveled in an instant.
I knocked on the door and my sister Sarah opened it.
"Oh thank god," she started without preamble. "Mom he's here!"
I stepped inside just in time to be ambushed with hugs.
"Tell us everything that happened," my mom insisted.
"Can I have some coffee first ma? You know the crap they got down at the station…" I stalled.
I knew it was a weak move, but I just wanted a few more moments of normalcy before everything changed.
I sat down at the table with my coffee.
"What finally made them let you go, Derek?" Desiree asked me.
"Carl Buford." I told them. "He was arrested for the murder they were holding me for."
There was silence around the table before my mom asked, "Why would he kill that poor boy?"
"He was protecting himself." I paused for a moment, but it was now or never. "He was sexually abusing the boys at the youth center, and when Damon wanted one of the boys to come forward, he killed him to make sure he wouldn't talk."
"That's ridiculous," my mom objected. "There must be some mistake. Carl is a hero in this community. I mean look at you, you practically grew up with him and he didn't try anything with you."
I cleared my throat to tell them the truth, but I lost my nerve. My mom and sisters looked at me waiting for me to say something but I couldn't.
Comprehension dawned on Desiree's face first.
"Oh my god," she whispered.
"Derek, did he do anything to you?" Sarah asked me intently.
Again, I didn't say anything. They took my silence as a confirmation
Anger flashed in my moms eyes and I knew all hell was about to break loose.
"I am going to kill him!" she screamed as she jumped up from the chair.
I knew she wasn't just spouting threats; she was after blood. She may not look very intimidating, but having to raise three kids, alone, in downtown Chicago… My mother was a tough cookie.
"Ma, he's in prison," I started. But I couldn't get a word in.
"I don't care; prison is too good for him. I would give anything to be in a room alone with him for ten minutes. There better be a special place in hell for people like him."
I knew I had to calm her down, so I grabbed her arm and slowly sat her back down.
"Why didn't you tell us?" Desiree asked me. "We could have stopped it."
"I know," I replied. "I wish more than anything I could go back and change it, but I was 13 years old. I felt scared, ashamed, confused… guilty. I didn't want anyone to know what he was doing to me. Especially not you guys."
"Thirteen. You were 13 when it started…" my mom muttered.
"I want to stay here for his trial. Is that okay?" I asked.
"Of course, you don't even have to ask Derek," she told me.
"Listen, I'm really tired you guys, and I'm taking James Barfield down to the station tomorrow to give his formal statement. I'm going to head off to bed. I just want to make sure there aren't going to be any lynching parties breaking into the prison tonight."
They all scoffed but I continued.
"I want him to have to go through a trial and have his name raked through the mud. I want him to have to account for everything he did, and that can't happen if he's dead."
They still didn't look convinced.
"Do you know what happens to child abusers in prison? Believe me, it's worse than anything you can do to him."
"Fine, but we're going to be there during the trial," I was told sternly.
I didn't want them there; to hear all the terrible things he did to me, but I really had no choice. I knew they would go anyway. That's what family was for.
"Okay," I sighed and I walked up the stairs.
So, the worse part was over, and I was a bit relieved to finally have everything out in the open.
I had been bottling it up for so long it was consuming me. I knew there was a long journey ahead, but at that point I couldn't help but feel a little bit hopeful.
Hopeful that Carl Beufferd would get everything he deserved.
I hope you liked it.
I may be temping fate by juggling so much but i also have a multi chapter chuck fanfic waiting to be published . It is about Bryce meeting chuck and there Stanford days. However I promised myself I would update freedom first
See that little button right below this. Please click it…. You know you want to :)
