Bugs Bunny. Once upon a time it use to be a name everyone in the world remembered. I was a fool to think it would last forever.
It happened a few years ago, though it felt like only yesterday. Rabbit season came by again and I expected to be hunted down like the past seasons. Hours I waited, then days, then weeks. With only one day left of rabbit season, yet not a single bullet was shot in the forest. Something was wrong.
So I decided to take things into my own hands. An old 'friend' of mine, Elmer Fudd, has a cottage around here. I had no doubt that he was there.
And he was, staring at the television like any other pea-brained person. Looks like it's time for me to shine.
Chewing on the end of a carrot, I say "eh, what's up doc?"
"Go away, scwey wabbit" Fudd said without even looking at me. "I'm in the middle of playing Wetawded Wobot Wampage."
"Ah come on, doc! It's the last day of rabbit season! Don't you want to try hunting me again?""I'm tiwed of twying to get you, wabbit. Besides, nobody watches ouw cawtoon anymore."
At first I thought that had to be a typo. There's no way people could stop watching the world famous rabbit! It was just unthinkable! I could have shrugged off what Elmer said and continue my life in blissful ignorance, instead I went to my manager…
"WHAT DO YOU MEAN I'M TOO OLD?" I shouted at the top of my lungs. "I'm a legend, dang nabbit!"
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean you're popular anymore" my manager sighed. "Kids in this generation are more into Japanese animation."
"The Japanese? Bah, if we were still in World War Two I'd would be bombing Hiroshima right now!"
"Right… about that. Since we're living in a society where spilling hot coffee can lead to a ten grand lawsuit, we really can't support your political incorrectness."
I muttered a few curses under my breath. "Well I'm sure not going to throw in the towel just yet! What do you say we give Looney Tunes a comeback?"
"Well I have nothing better to do than chat with little kids over the internet. Let's get you back on the spotlight!"
And so began my crusade for glory. I sponsored various commercial protects, tag teamed with the latest celebrities , even hooked up with some dame named Lola Bunny. It worked… for like two days. Then I was quickly cast aside like an unimportant memory. Plus Lola gave me gonorrhea.
I soon realized that my worst fears have come true; I became a has-been. My original masterpieces had become cliché tricks, my audience had moved on to other sources of entertainment, my purpose in life had ceased all point in meaning. I wasn't a legend anymore, just history.
So that's why I wrote this letter. I have decided to commit suicide. There is no reason for me to live in obscurity, so I'm better off this way. My only regret is that I listened to my parents and lived my life for fame and fortune.
Sorrowfully Yours,
Bugs Bunny.
P.S. don't bother going to the network executives, Daffy Duck. Even as a rotting corpse they'll pick me over you.
