Summary: In the end, when it comes down to it, Dex will always choose Nursey over his listening to his fears.


Characters from Ngozi's webcomic, Check, Please!

Title from the Sara Bareilles song, I Choose You.

Shoutout to dazeli*tumblr*com for beta-ing this :)

Note: This fic takes place in the Fall 2015 (the first semester of Bitty's junior year)

Originally posted on as an individual fic, but now moved to this combined oneshot fic posting


Derek knew what he was getting into all those months ago when he kissed Dex, and Dex kissed back, and they started—well Dex really wasn't calling it dating, but that's definitely what they were doing. Of course they were doing it secretly; Dex was terrified that if they didn't keep it secret, someone he knew or someone who knew his family would see and word would somehow get back to them ("They can't know about me, ever," Dex had said with a small, timid voice into Derek's chest). So they snuck around, stealing short kisses in the Haus bathroom, holding hands under the table, and only ever getting to be openly affectionate in the privacy of their shared apartment. And they were keeping it all under wraps quite well—up until that afternoon.


They were supposed to be alone. Bitty, Ransom and Holster were in class and Chowder was out on a coffee date with Farmer. Derek had thought it would be perfectly safe to sneak in a few minutes of making out on the Haus couch before they had to head off to their classes. He had his hands under Dex's shirt, busy memorizing the feeling of Dex's well-defined torso under his fingers, and Dex had his hands in Derek's hair, tugging at the strands gently, when they were startled to hear a small squeak. They both scrambled to get off each other, but too entwined, ending up on the floor as they tried to untangle their bodies. Derek eventually got free and stood up, turning around just in time to see Chowder bolting up the stairs.

"Chowder wait," Derek called coolly, as he offered Dex his hand, pulling him to his feet. "You okay?" he asked softly, wondering why Dex's face was so pale, rather than burning a brilliant red.

Dex nodded mutely, pulling his hand from Derek's instantly once he was steady on his feet, like the contact was burning him. Avoiding his eyes, Dex brushed past him, his shoulders hunched over and his hands clenching and unclenching into fists at his sides. He was gone and out, slamming the front door before Derek could say anything else.

As much as Derek wanted to run after him, he knew he shouldn't do that without talking to Chowder first, so he went up the stairs instead, knocking on his door.

"I'm so sorry Nursey I didn't know you were here and I totally didn't mean to walk in on you guys—" Chowder blurted out in a rush before the door was even completely open.

"It's chill C," Derek said, cutting his ramble off as he walked into the room and sat down on Chowder's bed. He ran a hand through his hair, trying to organize his scrambled thoughts and figure out how to handle this so that Dex wouldn't freak out any more than he already was (while being quite off-balance himself).

"I had no idea you guys were hooking up and I really didn't mean—"

"We're not just hooking up," Derek snapped in irritation. They weren't hooking up and even if that's how it started, that's never what it really was about for either of them, even if Dex didn't really say it. "We're actually dating—have been for a while."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Dex doesn't want anyone to know. His family isn't…" Derek said, trailing off.

"Oh," Chowder said simply.

"You know you can't tell anyone, right?"

"I won't, promise."

"Thanks, C," Derek said, standing up and taking a deep breath before heading back down the stairs. Dex was probably already in class and Derek knew he needed to get to his. He'd have to wait to talk to Dex until after. Sighing, he slung his backpack over his shoulder, pulled on his beanie, shoved his hands in his pockets, and headed out.


Now that it was after class, Derek immediately went to their apartment, since they normally had dinner there, just the two of them, before heading back to the Haus for the evening. Instead of being met by Dex (who was usually back before him), Derek was met only by quiet and an eerily empty living room.

"Dex?" he called out cautiously a few times, wandering to check their bedroom, the bathroom, and the kitchen. He was unnervingly met with silence and an unoccupied room each time. Derek sighed and decided to head to the Haus now (texting Dex as he walked). Dex may have gone there—to talk to Chowder, to get some comfort baked goods from Bitty, to—likely avoid Derek. Dex probably wanted to pretend that nothing ever happened, but they couldn't do that. Not when Chowder knew about them and there was a chance he might blow their secret (not on purpose, of course, the sweet kid just wasn't good at keeping his mouth shut) at any second.

As he stepped into the Haus, the only person in sight was Bitty, in the kitchen, baking something that smelled wonderful, like cinnamon and vanilla and—was that maple? Derek briefly wondered as he ascended the stairs if that meant Jack would be visiting soon, or if it was more because Bitty missed Jack.

"Hey C," Derek said, poking his head into Chowder's room when he reached the top of the steps. "You seen Dex since earlier?"

"Oh hey Nursey!" Chowder said, sounding incredibly enthusiastic about Derek coming by (but that was just the way he always was), before toning it down as much as was possible for him to answer. "Uh, no I haven't. Why?"

"Great," Derek muttered as he sat down on the edge of Chowder's bed. "I haven't seen him either and he's not answering my texts. I—I think he's avoiding me."

"Maybe he just needs some time," Chowder suggested eagerly. His cheerful tone was grating, even if Derek knew it was simply meant to help make him feel better.

Derek exhaled softly. "I guess…but he's never needed this much time before."

"Oh. Well I'm sure it doesn't mean anything and it'll be fine. He's probably not going to br—" Chowder paused before continuing. "Wait no I shouldn't say that, never mind."

Derek's heart skipped a beat at Chowder's almost-words; it's not like he hadn't considered that possibility himself—briefly, and then pushing the thought away before he lost his chill during class.

"It's—it's fine," Derek said weakly. "I—I think I'm gonna go look for him."

"Good luck! And I'll uh—" Chowder hesitated for a moment, looking as if he was considering whether he should say what he was planning to. "I'll be here if you need to—well, to talk."

"Thanks C," Derek mumbled, ignoring the way his stomach was churned at the implication behind Chowder's statement.

He wandered slowly in the crisp fall air, taking his time despite the night chill that was settling over Samwell as the sun set. He can't say that he hadn't spent some part of the afternoon wondering what the fallout from all this would be, and had always ended up circling back to the same, devastating conclusion (that he then desperately tried to forget). A conclusion that he was now trying to delay for as long as possible.

His wandering eventually led him to Faber (if Derek was in any better spirits, he would've laughed at himself—what "Jack Zimmermann" thing to do, he thought). He sat down on the bench and stared out at the smooth, glassy surface of the ice, trying (and mostly failing) to think about anything other than Dex or that afternoon or what might be coming later. So caught up in his own thoughts, he didn't notice when Dex sat next to him.

"You just gonna stare at the ice all night, or you wanna tell me what's going through that big head of yours?" Dex chirped, knocking their shoulders together.

"You've been avoiding me since…" Derek answered quietly, trailing off at the end, resisting the urge to grab Dex's hand, to twine their fingers together, to put his head on Dex's shoulder, to be in contact with Dex in any way, even though, if this went the way he had been thinking on and off all afternoon that it might, it might be his last chance to do anything like that.

"Yeah," Dex frowned. "I had sorta planned to still be doing that, but when I went to the Haus, Chowder may have flashed me his sad eyes."

"I don't think there's anyone on this planet that can resist those," Derek snorted.

Dex murmured in agreement before a long silence fell over them, only the hum of the rink's climate control system, Dex's deep, slow breaths and Derek's short, anxious pants could be heard in the vast emptiness of the arena. It was agony waiting for Dex to speak up. He was nervous—terrified even, completely unchill in a way he usually only ever got before big hockey games. It was too much, waiting for the gavel to fall on its own.

"Dex," Derek said pleadingly. "If you're going to—just do it please. Don't try and spare my feelings. I'll get over it, you know?"

"What the hell are you talking about Nurse?" Dex asked, squinting at him in confusion.

"If you're going to," Derek repeated. "B-break up with me—"

"Shut the fuck up Nursey, that's not what I'm doing," Dex quipped, throwing an arm around Derek's shoulder and laying the other on top of his hand. Derek was fairly certain he hadn't ever felt that relieved before in his life, breathing out a huge sigh. "Wait, you really thought I was going to break up with you?"

Derek's initial reaction was to say that it was chill, that he really wasn't worried, but when it came to him and Dex, Derek was never chill anymore.

"Maybe," was what he decided to reply with, looking down at their hands.

"Look, I know I didn't react very well to getting caught, but I kinda love you, idiot," Dex said, shaking his head fondly. "The thought never really crossed my mind."

"I love you too," Derek grinned. "But dude, how dare you say that for the first time when I can't kiss you," he added indignantly. Sure there was no one around, but nothing about their "rule" had changed, or at least, he didn't think so. Sure, Dex had his arm around him, but it wasn't anything that couldn't easily be written off as a bro-touch (that was the "rule").

"Who says you can't?"

"Well, we're definitely in Faber, and even if there's no one else around, there's still a chance that someone could—" Derek reasoned, wondering why Dex was doing this, when he was the one who cared so much about their rule (he only ever went along with it for Dex's sake, not because he liked the rule). He didn't get much farther into his reasoning though, as he was interrupted by Dex's lips.

"I've been doing a lot of thinking since this afternoon and maybe—no not maybe, I definitely need to stop being so fucking scared all time," Dex sighed, pulling Derek closer in to his side.

"It's chill Dex, I get it," Derek shrugged. "Coming out is rough."

"Yeah, but like—it's probably time, you know? We've been dating for a while and I don't see that changing soon, so I—we should probably tell the guys—they're not gonna care. And you've been so patient and—"

"You don't have to do anything for me, if you're not ready."

"I don't know that I'll ever really be ready, so I'm just going to do it."

"Whatever you want to do, I'll be here for you," Derek said, flipping his hand palm up so they could lace their fingers together.


It turned out Bitty was baking a maple-crusted apple pie because Jack (and Shitty) were visiting—that very weekend actually. The whole hockey team was having dinner Saturday night and, despite being nervous about telling so many people at once, Dex decided that would be the right—well maybe not right, but the best time to tell the team.

They had it planned out; it wasn't going to be anything huge. It was going to be more like dropping (super) obvious hints rather than flat-out telling anyone, doing things like quick kisses, some hand holding, and light cuddling over the course of the evening. Dex didn't actually have to say anything to anyone, other than maybe a "yes" if someone asked him if they were dating. "It's the easiest (and least terrifying) way for me to do it," Dex had said.

So, naturally, he was sitting on the floor of their bedroom, knees pulled up tightly to his chest as he hyperventilated, right on the verge of having a full-blown panic attack a mere five minutes from when they had to leave for the Haus. Just because it was the least scary way to do it, didn't mean that it wasn't immensely frightening.

"Dex, man, you have to breathe," Derek said, rubbing his back gently while he sat. Dex took a shaky breath, his chest feeling so tight that the air was forced right back out. "Will, you don't have to do this if you don't want to," Derek added sympathetically (he only used his first name to emphasize to Dex how serious he was about something he was saying).

"Nurse," Dex croaked. "Please don't say anything to talk me out of this. Yeah, I'm terrified, but I really want to do this."

"Will—"

"Stop. We're doing this, Derek," Dex interrupted, his tone a little sharper than he meant for it be. But Derek just chuckled.

"We don't butt heads very often anymore…I was beginning to forget just how stubborn you are," Derek said fondly.

"Glad I could remind you," Dex murmured, taking a deep breath and then standing up. Derek rose to his feet as well, pulling Dex into his arms before he could go anywhere.

"Hey," he said softly. "This—it means a lot to me."

"Please don't get all mushy on me," Dex mumbled, lacking any real heat or discouragement behind his words.

"Too bad," Derek grinned. "Even if we don't do anything tonight—"

"We are, stop saying that—"

"It really means a shit-ton that you're trying. I love you," Derek continued, pausing for a moment to admire the dark crimson blush on Dex's face before kissing him softly.

"I love you too," Dex said quietly, nuzzling his head into the crook of Derek's neck for a brief second. Derek was caught off-guard by the naked emotion evident in the gesture, but the moment was over almost as quickly as it started. "We have to get going, Bitty will kill us if we're late."

They disentangled and walked to the front door, Dex pausing to hold out his hand for Derek to grab. He twined their fingers together, gently pulling Dex out the door, enjoying the little flip-flops his stomach was doing as he walked out in public, holding hands with his boyfriend.

When they first left, Dex was quite relaxed, but the closer to the Haus they got, the tenser he seemed to be getting. Derek could see his shoulders inching up and Dex's hand gripping his a bit tighter, color draining from his face.

"It'll be chi—okay," Derek said (stopping himself before saying chill; now wasn't the time for that), pausing on the Haus porch, grabbing Dex's shoulder and pulling him so they were face to face.

"Yeah," Dex nodded, his voice almost inaudible.

Derek quickly pecked his cheek, and then they stepped into the Haus. Dex had his hand in a vise-like grip, almost to the point of being painful, but Derek ignored it—whatever Dex needed to feel more comfortable.

"Hey!" Bitty said brightly, stepping out of the kitchen to greet them. Bitty seemed happy—well he was almost always happy, but this was on a different level. His smile was so wide it seemed his face might split in half. "I wasn't sure if y'all would make it. I mean you're almost ten minutes late."

"Sorry Bits," Derek shrugged. Or at least tried to. Their intertwined hands meant that only one of his shoulders really completed the gesture, drawing Bitty's attention. He blinked, looking back and forth between them, and his grin, somehow, got wider.

"Good for you two," he said, hugging them both briefly before returning to his oven. Dex's face went from pale white to scarlet in a matter of milliseconds, even as a small grin flashed across his lips. As they moved towards the living room, Derek stole a glance through the doorway to where Bitty stood with Jack directly behind him, his hands on Bitty's hips and his face buried into the top of Bitty's head. Derek nudged Dex's shoulder.

"I don't think we're going to be the only ones with news to share," he whispered, quirking his head back towards the kitchen. Dex's eyes flitted in that direction and he smirked, leading Derek into the living room where everyone was waiting for dinner.

Their entrance would've gone unnoticed, if not for Chowder's audible gasp when he spotted them. Everyone turned to Chowder and then to them, inspecting for what caused Chowder's reaction. Dex shrugged and grabbed a fistful of Derek's shirt, giving him a filthy kiss in the middle of the living room and leaving Derek breathless, speechless, stunned and blushing as he stared open-mouthed at Dex.

"Just wanted to get a word in edgewise—before we're overshadowed," Dex explained.

"Bros," Holster said, being the first to break the shocked silence, standing up and walking over to them. "It's about time," he continued, slapping them on the back, and the entire room exploded. It was the loudest either of them could ever remember the Haus being (counting kegsters)—but that lasted only until later that night, when Jack pecked Bitty's cheek in the middle of dessert.

Dex was right—they were completely overshadowed once that happened, but nothing was overshadowed for Derek. It couldn't be, not when Dex, for the first time outside their apartment, didn't hesitate to curl into his side on the couch and Derek felt like his heart would burst, he was so happy and full of love. Their team, that was their world, and they finally got to tell everyone.

(On another note, a lot of money ended up being exchanged in the Haus that night.)