Nathan sat on the wet pavement glaring into the pool. His eyes were practically stuck open as those horrible words sounded through his head over and over again.
I want a divorce.
Did she really say that? She didn't mean it. She couldn't have meant it, not after everything they'd been through. And not with Jamie.
Nathan shuddered as the image of his son barely breathing in his arms flashed like lightning in front of his eyes. He pulled out his cell phone to check the time and realized that he'd been in a trance for almost two hours. Ever since Haley, gasping to catch her breath in between her tears, had carried Jamie inside and slammed the door behind them, Nathan had been in the same helpless position outside.
What are you doing? he thought to himself. She's your wife, just go inside and tell her you love her and everything will be okay.
Nathan didn't want to be that guy, but he was anyway - the one who had a tendency to royally screw up time after time and constantly beg those around him for forgiveness. He'd said "I'm sorry" to Haley countless times and by some miracle, he had married a girl who had it in her heart to see through his mistakes and love him anyway.
He got up and started to the door, looking up at the window of the bedroom he and Haley shared. Suddenly he realized this wasn't one of those times. The light was off and his wife and son were fast asleep. It was well into the night and there was no chance he'd get to lay beside her and make everything alright.
--
Haley's eyes blinked open when she heard a car start. Confused, she rolled over and saw Jamie sleeping silently next to her. She turned onto her back and closed her eyes again, but quickly opened them when she remembered everything that had happened.
I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.
No! You stay away from us, this marriage is over.
A solitary tear left her eye as the lights from his car illuminated her room for a brief second. She had told him it was over. And now he was gone.
Nathan wasn't sure of where he was going, but he drove anyway. He remembered the last time he drove alone because of a fight with Haley. At least that time he was on his way to see her. She was on tour and even if he was hurting, he knew that she was happy because she was doing what she loved.
Now there was nowhere to go. He couldn't take back the exchanges between Carrie and him, he couldn't take back the awful words he'd said to her and the way he unintentionally hurt his own son.
Finally it hit him. He was at a stop sign when he could see the river court lit up only a few blocks away. Basketball. The only thing he could turn to when things got bad and when nothing made sense anymore, not even his family.
Nathan pulled in and turned off the ignition, looking to the back of the car to reach for his ball. Instead his eyes focused upon Jamie's car seat, a reminder that the world of fatherhood and marriage and love still existed. Even if he felt that he had just been removed from it.
He let out a deep breath, something that he hadn't done and needed to do. He began to think about Haley and Jamie.
Everything I've ever done was for this family, Haley.
It was true, even if she didn't want to believe it at that moment. He had given her an ultimatum to either pursue music or be with him, but only because he knew he needed to let her go after her dream. He had shaved points in basketball and put her in danger, but his intention was to fix their financial troubles and to provide for her and their son, the two most important parts of his world.
Maybe I don't need to be so strong for them, he thought to himself in the car. How am I supposed to be looking out for other people when I can't even take care of myself?
