Short-ish angsty Rizzles fic inspired by the song Where Are You Now? by Mumford & Sons.
It had originally begun about eleven months ago. So much sneaking around. Clandestine lovemaking and also just fucking. Quickies in well-hidden areas at work (mostly Maura's private bathroom). "Sleepovers" at each other's houses.
On the surface, nothing had changed. Nothing had appeared any different to the people around them. They had still been Jane Rizzoli, decorated BPD Homicide Detective, and Maura Isles, Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. They had still spent all their free time together as usual – dining out, ordering in, being touchy-feely with each other, hanging out, going to the movies...
Even to their family and friends, they had seriously been the same exact people. When they were alone, however, they were the very best of lovers.
About a month in, Maura had admitted that her feelings had grown into full-blown love, from the initial strong feelings, burning desire, and physical attraction.
A week later, Jane had confessed she felt the same way. "But I'm not ready to tell people, Maura," Jane had said.
A month after, Maura had hinted at the subject again. "Do you ever think you could come out?" Maura had questioned.
"I'm just not ready yet, okay? It will change everything for us. I just can't right now," Jane had replied.
Five months in, Maura and Jane had had an all out screaming match at Jane's apartment because Maura had lost her cool.
"Jane, dammit! I want to tell the whole world that I love you! I want to spend the rest of my life with you! Why are you so afraid to tell anyone about us?!" Maura had shouted.
Jane had stepped forward to gather Maura in her arms in an effort calm her, but Maura had shoved her away, frustrated and blood-red angry.
"Maura!" Jane had pleaded, stepping toward her again. "I just...please! I need more time. Another month or two and that's it!" She'd had tears in her eyes.
"I can't keep doing this."
"Soon, baby. I swear," she'd said, pulling Maura to her and wrapping her arms tight around the smaller woman.
"A month. That's it."
A month later, however, Jane had still refused, claiming she just needed more time. She'd been stressed out because of a new case.
"No! No more. You obviously aren't ready to be with me, Jane," Maura had replied fiercely. "I won't do this anymore. I value myself too much to let you hide me away so you can keep playing your little life of heterosexual charades!"
Jane had been shocked – too shocked to reply. The look in Maura's eyes had held a mixture of both defeat and spite. It had scared her, honestly.
"I'm sad, Jane," Maura had cried. "I am so sad that no one will ever know about the love we've had. Sad that you won't let anyone know about the love we've shared."
By that point, Jane had started crying herself. When Maura pulled away, Jane had pleaded, "Please, Maur!" had choked back a sob, but couldn't get any other words out.
Hot tears had streamed down Maura's face. "Let me go, Jane. Just let me go."
The next day, Jane had actually called in sick. When she'd returned the following day, she came in to find that Maura had resigned from her post, claiming medical reasons, and Frost and Korsak had pounced on her immediately for the scoop.
"I don't know a goddamn thing about it," Jane had growled and, pivoting on the heel of her boot, had turned right around and walked out of the bullpen.
Frost and Korsak had both been stunned at Jane's reaction, but were hardly convinced that Jane was out of the loop.
The female detective's behavior had been a clear indicator that she knew exactly what was going on with Maura. But the two also knew they'd never get a peep out of Jane if she didn't want them knowing. So in the dark they had remained.
After three months of Maura being gone, the fiery pain that consumed Jane inside had transitioned into a dull ache, a sad longing.
She thought of Maura often, many times a day, and she simultaneously wanted to smile and burst into tears. She knew that Maura had not left Boston, though. Various mutual friends had spotted the strawberry blonde on several occasions, and many of them had even spoken to her in their encounters. If either they or Maura mentioned Jane, they never said so to Jane.
She always asked how Maura seemed to be doing. She never elaborated on her own feelings toward the updates, but she always thanked whomever relayed the information they had gained and went on about her business.
Sometimes they spoke of a happy Maura, smiling and laughing. Other times, though, while Maura was smiling, they recalled a distinct sadness they found in her hazel eyes.
Jane wondered exactly what Maura was doing. She imagined Maura had picked up something with her family's foundation, or maybe she'd managed to find a position teaching at one of the local universities. Jane decided not to go out of her way to find out.
Maura hadn't sold her home, either; in fact, she'd left Angela in charge of keeping up with the house as necessary. Jane assumed Maura had purchased an upscale apartment in an equally nice neighborhood.
Some days Jane thought about calling her, if her number was still in fact the same, but she had no idea what she could say to make it all better. She knew what she wanted to say, but figured none of it wouldn't make any difference at this point.
Every night, though, when she laid in her bed, she wondered if Maura did the same, thinking of her, and thought about what she'd do differently if she ever got a chance to make it all right.
This is probably crap, but it's been bugging me for about 2 weeks, so I wanted to post it to see what everyone thought. If it is, in fact, crap, I'll just take it down. haha
