Hello my people! I am super sorry for never updating anymore! The promos have really gotten to my head and I'm having a few doubts about my stories… so I thought this short story would help my non-updating. This is a small two-shot. I'm thinking about whether or not to write a two-shot entirely in Clare's POV. This is Drop the World and Love Game based.

WARNING: Yes, this is very depressing. The italics are flashbacks.

Disclaimer: I don't own Degrassi or Life After You by Daughtry

So um… review?


I'm thinking that all that still matters is love ever after.
After the life we've been through.
Cause I know there's no life after you


There's No Life After You ~ Eli's POV

Have you ever had the feeling where you had something that made you happy, and seconds later it's taken away from you? I know the feeling.

Life had lost all general purpose for me. Clare had left. I sat there with needles and tubes stuck to my body in the hospital, watching her bouncy curly hair fly out of my life. My head was still pounding from my crash. My pain meds started to kick in and suddenly I felt a pang of grief. I wouldn't go home smiling because of my wonderful girlfriend. Instead, I'd go back to my old ways, pining over someone I had lost. Except this time, my girlfriend didn't die – she was still alive and well. I would have to face her one of these days. Just thinking about seeing her and not being able to hold her, to kiss her, or be with her like before brought tears to my eyes.

Clare Edwards had officially broken my heart.

But the feeling of being unable to chase her made it even more difficult. These goddamn machines strapped to me kept me from chasing Clare down the hall and grab her wrist gently like I always do. But no – I had to sit here and watch her walk away. She took my heart with her. The loss of warmth at my side made it even more apparent that I was truly alone. Even with my father clutching my shoulder from making a sudden movement to strip the machines attached to my broken body, I felt alone.

My mind drifted to what I come have done that could have pushed Clare away. Did I really come off as suffocating? The thought of Clare being afraid of me simply terrified me. I know I was intense, but I surely had my reasons! Fitz needed to back off of Clare and I; we didn't want him around! He was trying to brainwash my Clare's mind into thinking I'm some atheistic monster!

Although Fitz was one of my main reasons, I tried so hard to hide the fact that I was scared of the coming season.

Spring was approaching.

Spring; a word in everyone's dictionary as the time of year when all the ice melts and the birds start singing. I used to love spring. Besides fall, it was my favorite season. It was the start of a new beginning, after the cold, harsh Toronto winters, life would start coming back. The trees would grow leaves again, and it started to get warmer.

Now? I hate spring. Even saying I hate spring is an understatement.

I despise spring.

It's the my favorite time of year that in two simple seconds, not enough time to sneeze, became my least favorite thing in the world. Two things had been taken away from me in this fucking season. Why did I deserve this?

I know I'm fucked up. I've gotten past the point of denying it and I want to get help. But how did I get this messed up and I not notice it for this long?

One word, and one word only, is the reason why I don't drink and drive, I heavily dislike bikes, and makes me chase after my girl after she walks away.

Julia.

My thoughts drifted to that painful night. Two years ago to the day. Where had the time gone? I was 15 and stupid. I thought our relationship would last forever.

Julia and I had fought that night, rather harshly. Recently she had really bad mood swings, and she got sick a lot. I started connecting the dots and I confronted Julia about it.

"Jules, are you pregnant?" I asked. We were cuddling on the couch watching a movie. Julia shifted in my arms and looked up at me.

"Why the sudden interrogation?" she answered annoyed.

"Because, Julia, you've been having weird mood swings and I know you've been getting sick! I'm starting to connect the dots here." I said.

Julia reached out and paused the movie. She moved from my arms to sit up, and I sat up with her. We stayed silent. The tension was so thick that I could barely breathe. My mind slowly started weighing the possibilities. Maybe she's just sick? I thought.

"Eli…" Julia started. She never finished her sentence. My girl broke down in tears and I immediately caught her. I whispered reassuring things in her ear and rubbed her back in circles.

"Are you?" I choked out. Julia chewed on her bottom lip, tears streaming down her face.

"Yes…" she finally said. I breathed out the breath I didn't know I was holding. I was going to be a father? I'm 15! Barely out of freshman year and now I have to worry about my pregnant girlfriend, and finish high school, and find a good place for us to be? It was all too much.

"I hate asking this, but…is it mine?" I asked. I felt so stupid, of course it was mine. There was no way in hell Jul—.

"…no." Julia whispered. My eyes grew huge and I jumped up from where I was sitting.

"Who's is it then!" I screamed. Julia started crying harder and I immediately regretted yelling at her, but I was too pissed off to care.

"I-I-I don't k-know." Julia stuttered, obviously shaken by my sudden outburst.

"What do you mean, you don't know? You were there weren't you?" I yelled angrily.

"Eli…" Julia whispered.

"Don't you 'Eli' me! You cheated on me, you whore!" I shouted.

"Eli, I…" Julia started but I cut her off.

"No! You went and cheated on me and got yourself pregnant, Julia! I gave you everything! You were my first. I was your first! But you just had to go fuck some other testosterone! Was I not enough?" I shouted. Tears started welling up in my eyes and were threatening to spill over.

"ELI, I WAS RAPED!" Julia shouted.

My jaw dropped to the floor. I couldn't believe what I had just heard. I wanted to hold my girl, tell her I'm sorry.

I never got the chance.

Julia ran out of my house. I watched her take off down the sidewalk and out of sight into the darkness of the Toronto night.

I didn't chase after her. I didn't get a chance to tell her I loved her.

I didn't get a chance to say goodbye.

That was the last time I saw Julia. She was hit by a drunk driver and died on contact.

A few days later, while going by Julia's house, I noticed her step mother throwing all Julia's possessions away.

She threw out notebooks into the trash as if they were diseased. During it all, Penelope had a disgusted look on her face. I stopped in my tracks and ran up to her.

"What are you doing!" I shouted.

"Throwing that brat's stuff away, what does it look like I'm doing?" Penelope said nonchalantly.

"You bitch!" I screamed. "Those are Julia's possessions! You have no right to throw them away like that! Just because she's d-d-dead, doesn't me-e-ean you can throw her things away like that!" I screamed, tears flooding down my face. That's funny; I don't remember starting to cry.

"Oh boohoo, it's not like these things have any value anyway! Who wants depressing poems and emo drawings?" Penelope retorted.

I glared at her, and grabbed Julia's notebooks from the trash, and ran down the sidewalk.

Since then, I never threw anything away, hence, why I have my hoarding problem.

I wish I had got help earlier…and maybe things would be different.

Maybe I wouldn't have crashed Morty.

Maybe I wouldn't be in hospital right now.

Maybe Clare would still be here.

God, she's barely been gone for an hour and I already miss her like she died yesterday. I keep feeling like I'll never see her again, but I know I'll have to face her sooner or later.

What I'd give to have Clare here; to feel her next to me, telling me she loved me.

But I know that won't happen.

The smell of disinfectant and fake caring from the nurses started to give me a headache. I started to feel my eyes getting droopy, and as I closed my eyes, I thought of the blue eyed girl I was so in love with.

I thought of how I missed her, and how stupid I was to let this happen.

I thought of how I needed her right now.

And I thought of how I wanted to change, because I wanted to get Clare back, and next time, there would be no dead ex girlfriend in my way. No hoarding. No Fitz feuds.

Nothing would get in our way.

I will get help. I will do everything I can to get better. Clean up my room, get a new car, fix my problems, and win Clare back.

I needed her so desperately that it was killing me.

There's no life after Clare.


Therapy was hard. I didn't exactly like the idea of spilling my guts out to some person who asks me personal questions and writes stuff down. But in reality, it was kind of relaxing. I said everything I needed to say, and I felt better.

I was prescribed anti-anxiety medication, and told to take it once a day in the morning. At first it would seem a little weird being so calm all the time; and that was because I was being given a stronger dose at first, but the dose would lessen as time went on. I was a little nervous about taking drugs to fix my problems, but I figured if it helped me, I'll do it.

One thing I was afraid of: facing Clare. From classic common sense I knew that break ups were the easy part, but the post-break up was the hardest part. But, being that I had only been through one other break up before, and that ended in the latter dying, this was a new experience for me.

It was getting easier for me to talk about Julia, and it was getting better day by day. Talking about Clare was different. All our memories were still fresh in my mind – and I just couldn't forget something as good as we had. I missed Clare desperately; it was almost as if a piece of me was missing.


My outlet was writing, except it wasn't depressing or morbid. It was about relief and love. I felt like a total sap after writing anything because I never saw myself as the type to write about love. Shit – I never thought of myself as the type to fall in love. But hell, I did, twice.

Getting over Julia was one of the hardest things I ever did, not just because I loved her, but because of the fact that she died. She no longer existed on this earth. I wouldn't have been forced to see her every day after our break up and try being friends with her again. No, she was just gone. And she was pregnant too! Even if the baby wasn't mine, I felt terrible that not just one person died that night. Two did. I knew I shouldn't have said those things to Julia that night, but what was I going to do? Wallow over her death for the rest of my life?

No.

I wasn't going to sit around in my room, piles of junk towering over everything, threatening to swallow me whole in my own self pity. I needed to try my best to put it behind me. I may not forget what happened, hell, I will never forget what happened, but I can't base my life around it and suffer. The past two years have taught me that.

I learned how to let go.


I could tell my medication was working. Day by day, the junk in my room slowly started to come out. Some things were hard to let go, but in the end, they all made their way in the trash bin. I started to feel like a big load was taken off my shoulders, and I felt better. More than that, I felt relaxed. I almost never got mad anymore, and I used my therapy techniques to calm me down.

But I was hiding behind a mask.

I painted this pretty picture that I was fine; that I was coping with my breakup with Clare, that I didn't miss her, that I didn't love her anymore.

Truth is, I missed her more than anything.

But I didn't want her to see me like a wreck, I didn't want her pity. I didn't want her to feel bad for breaking my heart into a million tiny pieces. I didn't want her to feel obliged to come crawling back to me.

I wanted her to be with me again when I'm ready, when she's ready, when we can both let go of what happened.

End of chapter


Hey guys, I'm really sorry I haven't been updating. I've been really busy getting community hours for high school and I'm just plain exhausted. The promos had affected me SO much, and I just couldn't find any inspiration for writing for awhile. For awhile I'd force myself to sit down and write a little bit a few times a week, but so far I haven't been able to get anything good out. I haven't stopped writing, I've just done a little in each fanfic I have.

The part where Julia was raped, that was just my interpretation of what happened. I didn't want the fight to be something silly, you know? I wanted it to be intense…which it was.

I did write the next chapter of The Secret Talent – but I decided it was a little rushed, so I made that finished chapter the third or forth chapter, and I'm working on the chapters in between at the moment.

As for The Long Lost Goldsworthy, I have decided to re-write the entire fic, making the chapters so much longer and more detailed, and less short chapters and more long ones. It may take me awhile, but it's a big work in progress. What I may do is re-write the whole thing, and replace all the chapters all at once. I hate doing that to you guys, but let's face it, that story was, and still is, my first work and it needs to be fixed desperately.

A Part of Me has the next chapter in progress. I've been trying to write the next chapters for all of my fics so I finish the next chapters around the same time, so I can update all my fics at the same time. So far it's been working, the next chapter is about half way done. I never submit a chapter anymore if they are less than 6-7 pages (according to Microsoft Word) I do that so I can see where I'm at in the chapter, and I add stuff, add details and such.

Sorry for the long author's note, but that all needed to be said.

Please review, and please state on whether or not I should write a two-shot in Clare's POV considering DTW and Love Game?

Thank you all! Next chapter will be up as soon as possible! Being on recovery kind of helps, my parents are giving me a break for a few days. :)