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Pile of Broken Smiles
Chapter one


~~~~~I can't write to explain this story of my life, because the demons stole all the words from my head. They only left tiny snippets of memory, barely enough for me to try to piece together this ugly story of my life. Since my head has been in entirely too many perspectives, the pieces of memory are faded in colour and fraded at the edges. So please excuse your dear aunt Bella if these pieces of my story don't fit together exactly as they should... ~~~~~

Memory #1

The farmiliar setting of the astronomy tower surrounds me. The wind blows at my frame, edging me closer and closer to the side of the tower. I feel a magnetic pull coming from the ground. If I would just let it, that pull would end my sorry and miserable existence. I can't though, because I am not alone. Lilys stable hands reach out and steady my shaking ones.

"Change isn't easy, but you're strong enough for anything, Bella." She looks confident, as if she actually believes what she's saying.

I sure as hell don't.

My mind goes back to a few months ago, a time where I WAS NOT STRONG ENOUGH to refuse the Dark Lord. When it came to my own life, I was a coward. I would not stand up and refuse to satisfy the dark lords blood lust. Instead, I let myself be pulled into the horrifying world of the evil side.

I am desperate for Lily to understand my pain. "It's too late to change, after all i've done!" How can I get her to comphrehend how far I've been submerged in the dark side without telling her about all the horrifying crimes I have already committed? My left forearm, still sore from the new tattoo, throbs under the sleeve of my robe. I can lift my sleeve and the skull and snake would be proof of how far gone I am. But even if I were to do that, it wouldn't explain the half of it. She would not know about how many people -both wizards and muggles alike- one has to torture and murder in order to join the Dark Lords alliences.

As I consider telling her all of it, she starts staring intently into my eyes and I feel myself becoming flustered under her gaze. She is looking at me as if she's trying to peer through the dirty windows of my eyes and into my soul.

"Bellatrix Black," she speaks in a strong voice and the sound of my name reverberates around the stone tower. "Despite the mistakes you may have made, you are a good person. Don't you ever forget that." She gives my hands a squeeze, and she smiles at me.

My heart melts.

"Okay, I'll try to change." I tell her. "Just for you."