Disclaimer: I own none of these wonderful characters. Janet owns everything.
Merry Christmas, Babes. I thought I would try my first one shot. A little more serious this time.
'Tis the Season
I walked in my apartment and tossed my keys in the dish. What a fucked up day. It was Christmas Eve and I had pulled all the shit shifts for my employees, starting with five hours straight of surveillance. My one relief had been that Tank stayed with me most of the day and evening before heading over to Lula's. I smiled at the thought. Tank could barely make it ten minutes without trying to stifle a grin during surveillance.
He was whipped.
He was also a lucky jerk. You could be lucky, I thought before pushing it away. I wasn't going to go there especially not on Christmas Eve. This was my choice and I lived with it everyday, not just on holidays.
I looked around my apartment. It was void of any Christmas decorations. Ella was allowed to put up a tree on 5, but that's where I drew the line. I'd seen what happened when she got an embroidery machine and I wasn't going to chance it with decorations.
I took off my gun belt but left my phone on in case I was needed. Every year I worked the holidays. I didn't begrudge that fact; I was happy to do it for my men. Christmas was just another day for me. It had been years since it had held any meaning. Overseas Special Forces will do that to you. They broadcast the 'cease fighting' rule so civilians feel comforted and safe on Christmas and I support that ruse. People needed to believe in a holy day of peace. But when you've been there and had that comfort warped before your very eyes, it's hard to believe. It's hard to anything.
I sank on the couch and popped a beer, wondering if I had ever believed in the magic that sold itself from every street corner. And, like always, I thought about Stephanie.
I don't know how long I sat there in my dark apartment, thinking of her when my cell rang. I flinched inwardly before glancing at the ID. If I was a different man I would say it was delight that washed over me at the sight of her number. As it was, I allowed myself pleasure. I hit talk.
"Yo."
"Yo yourself."
"Why aren't you overindulging on spiked eggnog?"
"Been there, done that. I was wondering if you were up for some company?"
I could feel Tank's grin on my face.
"Always, Babe."
"I'm downstairs. I'll be right up."
We hung up and I resisted the urge to check myself out in the mirror. But I did clean up my bottle and turned on a light.
She stuck her head in and called to me. I walked out to greet her and smiled at the sight.
She was dressed all in red and green and sported a Santa hat. She was also laden with bags. She looked around my apartment and I heard her mutter 'I thought so.' She didn't even greet me, just set down her bags and opened the first one. From it came a small tabletop Christmas tree which was soon shining in a corner of my living room. Next came two strands of lights which she hung from the cabinets in my kitchen. A small snowman was placed on my mantle.
I stood silently, watching her. She was humming various Christmas songs as she worked and I couldn't stop the smile that was fixed on my face. Steph would call it my 'almost smile' but to me at the moment, it felt huge. She was beautiful.
Soon my CD player was violated like the rest and Bing's White Christmas drifted over us. She walked to her purse, her eyes mysteriously twinkling at me. She produced two thermoses. I raised an eyebrow at her as she found mugs in my cabinet. From the first thermos came hot chocolate. She even had a marshmallow in a Ziploc. She was the cutest thing I had ever seen.
She walked back over to me and handed me my mug, opening the second thermos and pouring a second hot drink. I sniffed it.
"Don't start twitching. It's spiced cider. I knew you wouldn't go for hot chocolate."
Apparently that was the final straw because I felt emotion break over me at her thoughtfulness. I set our mugs down and wrapped my arms around her. I could smell chocolate and pine on her and for the flickering of a minute I felt my inability to walk away from her. I buried my face in her hair and simply held her. It was all I was capable of at the moment.
She had her arms around my waist and her head in the crook of my neck. She was idly stroking my back as I tried to get myself together, praying she hadn't noticed. When we finally pulled apart Bing had moved on to Silver Bells.
"I always loved this song." she whispered.
I cupped her face and she closed her eyes. I don't remember leaning down to kiss her forehead, but I felt her sigh. She opened her eyes and for the first time looked a little embarrassed.
"I have something for you. It isn't much. In fact, it may be stupid, now that I think of it."
"Babe." It was all I could manage to say. She glorified this mysterious persona of mine, but most of the time I just couldn't form anymore words around her.
She walked to her purse and withdrew a small package. I grabbed her hand and led her to the couch. The tree twinkled merrily from its corner. She held it for a moment longer than she needed to before extending it out to me. I took it, not breaking eye contact.
I removed the wrapping paper and lifted the lid from the small box. Nestled inside was an ordinary key on a Batman keychain. I looked up at her and I'm sure she read the question in my eyes.
"It's a key to my apartment." She spoke quietly.
"Babe, I can always get in."
"Strangers break in. Keys are for loved ones who are welcome anytime."
I couldn't take my eyes off her. She looked up at me with her eyes slightly larger than normal and I almost came undone for the second time in ten minutes. I closed my eyes briefly before pulling out my keychain and began working her key on.
"Ranger, you don't really have to-"
"Babe." I looked up at her quickly as I worked. When it was on I stared at the keys for a minute. I couldn't seem to let them go. I looked up at her and took her hand. "It's nice to know I'm welcome."
"You always will be."
Before I could embarrass myself further, I stood up and walked to my bedroom, finding the present I had wrapped for her a week ago. I returned to the couch and her eyes lit up at her gift.
"Don't get too excited, Babe. This isn't much, either."
"You talk too much. Present." She held out her hands. I smiled and passed it over. She tore open the paper and held up the dog-eared, well worn copy of Carl Sandburg I had quoted to her long ago. She looked at it for a long time, not knowing what it meant but knowing it meant something. She thumbed through it, noting marks I had made over the years.
"Back when I was in Special Forces I spent a lot of time in some really bad places." My voice was gruff, but I knew this was my shot to get it out. "We couldn't have many personal items. This was it for me. His words got me through a lot of tough times. Times when I had nothing else. I never went on an op without it. I can pinpoint several definitive points in my life in those pages."
"And you're giving this to me?" She was whispering as if she were scared she would disturb the moment.
"Yes." I spoke quietly back. "I've gone to open it several times in the last two years and each time I did you called or stopped by. I realized recently that I don't need it anymore. I have you now." It was the best I could give her for an answer. She sat there for a minute longer looking at the book. When she raised her eyes they were shining with tears.
"Thank you."
I pulled her closer and rested my face on hers. She was trying to keep it together but I saw one lone tear escape and make its way down her cheek. At that moment, that one tear was more precious to me than anything I had. It was love and want and the closest thing to acceptance I had ever known. I kissed it away before it wasted on her shirt. I ran my hands up in her hair and I felt her do the same as she pressed her face to mine again. I don't know how long we sat on my couch, as Silent Night came on. I kissed her forehead again and for the first time in 20 years felt the peace wash over me.
"Merry Christmas, Ranger." She whispered after awhile.
I smiled as a pleasant memory was solidified in my mind.
"Merry Christmas, Babe."
