This is based on episode 15 of season 3 – That's the Way Love Goes. Just my thoughts on what might have been going on between the lines of the script and in the heads of the characters on that special night.

Rayna

When this all started, planning for the tenth anniversary of her induction into the Grand Ole Opry, she really hadn't thought about Deacon. Which was surprising, since he'd certainly been there and been a big part of her life at that time. Her professional life, anyway.

Maybe it was because she'd taken that pause after she ended her engagement to Luke. Maybe it was because, even though she'd gone to see him and told him she still loved him, he hadn't really fought for her. Not the way she'd thought he would. After all, he'd pulled away from Maddie then, as though he were just pulling away period. The way he had in the past. All he did was tell her to take all the time she needed.

Sadie was the first one to bring it up, while they stood there looking at that picture of the night she'd been inducted. Vince Gill was there. Little Jimmy Dickens was there. And Deacon. Sadie had asked her if Deacon was going to be there for the celebration and she'd had to say she didn't know. Because she hadn't asked. Because she wasn't sure she was ready yet. For all that.

But then Maddie had asked. And gotten mad at her answer. You can't even be on the same stage with him anymore? Do you hate him that much? It wasn't even close to being that. No, she definitely did not hate him. The truth was that she loved him. Too much. So much that she was afraid to open that door, because there was the chance for so much pain.

It had made her think, though. Maybe it was time. Because, really, wasn't that why she'd broken up with Luke? She'd tried to tell herself it really wasn't. She'd said to Luke that it was Deacon, but that it wasn't Deacon. That he wasn't the reason she was breaking up, but that all her complicated feelings for him, and their history, were at the root of it. That was certainly true.

She'd done it for the right reasons. They weren't meant to be together. She was running away from something and that was no way to start a marriage. It wasn't much different from when she'd married Teddy. She was trying to protect herself. From the man she loved more than anything on this earth. Why in the world would I do that?

Deacon

Sometimes Maddie was too big for her britches. He'd finally figured out how to spend time with her without getting all emotional about leaving her. He hadn't told her about the cancer and he wasn't sure when he was going to. He didn't want to break her heart, although he knew he was surely going to do it anyway.

She kept pushing about Rayna though. Just like Scarlett did, only for different reasons. Scarlett wanted someone else to know. Maddie just wanted him to be with her mom. Lord knew, he wanted that too. More than anything in the world. When he heard she'd broken up with Luke, when she'd come to see him that night and told him she'd always loved him, he had felt that flicker of hope. But then he remembered he had cancer, that he probably was going to die and leave her, and he didn't want to put her through more pain.

So when she'd stood there, looking at peace, finally, and told him she needed a little bit of time, instead of telling her they didn't have time, he'd let her go. Take all the time you need.

It had broken his heart to say that to her. He needed her. More than any other time in his life, he needed her. He was scared. Scared of what the future held, scared he might die. But she had taken care of him for so many years and he didn't want her to have to do that again. It was better this way. That he knew for sure.

She did take some time. He wasn't sure he'd expected that, but with everything going on in his life, it was probably good that he didn't have to deal with it then. He was afraid that if she came back, she'd push. Because that was Rayna. She wouldn't let something go. She wouldn't let him push her away or keep anything from her. He wouldn't be able to do that anyway, of that he was sure. She knew him too well and she wouldn't give up until he told her. So it was good that she was staying away.

Every time he saw Dr. Rand, the news seemed bleaker and bleaker. His heart was heavy as he thought about leaving the people he loved. Maddie. Scarlett. And Rayna, most of all.

He'd gone to the place along the river one afternoon. The place he and Rayna had always gone to talk, after she'd married Teddy. He'd looked out over the river and he'd cried. He'd missed out on so much of Maddie's life, not knowing about her, and now it looked like the time they did have would be cut short. Scarlett didn't need him so much anymore, now that she was all grown up and seemed to have found her way, but he hated leaving her all the same. But leaving Rayna was what tore his heart up the most. He cursed the time he'd wasted, the pain and anguish he'd put her through for all those years. She'd told him his drinking would kill him one day, although he'd never thought it would be like this.

She was finally free to be his. There were no more secrets, like Maddie, to get between them. Except now there was his cancer. And he feared he wouldn't live long enough to have the life they'd wanted. The life they deserved. He'd put his head in his hands and wept, for all he'd lost and all he was going to lose.

Maddie

She really wanted her parents to get back together.

When she'd first found out Deacon Claybourne was her real father, it had been confusing. It had felt like all the adults in her life had disappointed her, had made decisions for her without her permission. Once she'd gotten past the initial shock of it all, she had been interested in learning more about Deacon, getting to know him as her dad. These days it was almost hard to remember back when he hadn't been her father. They were so much alike and it had explained so much about who she was.

She'd thought a lot about the time when her parents had been together. She'd looked at all the pictures of when her mom and dad had been together and she could tell they'd been so much in love. She didn't see them together very often these days, but when she did, it always seemed to her that maybe they still were, but were afraid to say so.

When her dad had admitted to her that he'd asked her mom to marry him, it confirmed for her that they were really meant to be together. But her mom had agreed to marry Luke and that didn't seem to be ending. Until it did. Unexpectedly, amazingly, unbelievably, it did. The morning of the wedding. She'd felt so hopeful that everything would fall into place for her parents, but it didn't.

She and Talia had talked about it one day. Talia thought she was a weirdo to ship her parents, but Talia didn't really understand.

"Wouldn't you like your parents to be together?" she'd asked her friend. Talia's parents had been divorced for a long time and both were remarried.

Talia had shrugged. "Maybe. But all I remember about when they were together was them fighting. And that wasn't much fun. Things are actually a lot better the way they are now." Talia had given her an odd look. "It's just weird for you to be this crazy about getting your parents back together."

"I've never seen them together, Talia. But I know they love each other. I can see it. My dad at least admits it. My mom always says 'it's complicated', but I can see it in her eyes. I just don't understand."

This Opry thing was the perfect time for them to get together again. But when she'd suggested it to her mom, she'd gotten all weird about it. Again. Said it was complicated. Again. But Maddie thought it was simple. They both just needed to stop acting like they were afraid.

Rayna

After she left Maddie's room, she called him and asked him to come. He'd seemed hesitant and he wouldn't commit, which had confused her. She'd mentioned Maddie and Daphne making their debut and he still wouldn't say yes. She even asked him to play guitar with them. It was odd. She hadn't felt like this around him in a long time – this distance – since after the accident, and that had been her reaction, not his.

She felt an emptiness in her heart as she hung up the phone. It was almost like she could feel him slipping away from her.

Deacon

He hadn't really known what to say when she asked him to come to the Opry celebration. He remembered what a big night that had been for her, when she'd gotten inducted. He'd been happy for her then, because he knew how important it was to her. She'd been teary that night and she'd hugged him, a little too long, but he thought it was because, of all the people in her life, he knew what it meant to her. It had been one of the many hopes and dreams they'd talked about, all those years ago.

But he didn't want to get too close now. He knew that at some point he was going to have to tell her about his cancer. He wouldn't just be able to die one day and not prepare her ahead of time. He'd need to tell her before he told Maddie, that he knew for sure. But he wasn't ready for all that. And knowing what this night meant to her, he didn't want to spoil things for her.

It was better to just stay away. He'd call her back and tell her that something had come up and he just wasn't going to be able to make it.

Rayna

He never called her back. She didn't know if he was going to come. She kept looking for him in the crowd, but as the minutes ticked by, she felt her heart sink. He wasn't coming.

She took the girls to their dressing room, the "Into the Circle" dressing room that all first-timers at the Opry used. They were so thrilled and she was thrilled for them.

Someone here need a guitar player?

She felt like she had the first time she met him. She had those same butterflies in her stomach. She smiled at him as he hugged the girls and he smiled back. He came.

Deacon

Wouldn't have missed it for the world.

If there wasn't much time left, he needed to be sure he did the things that were important. Like being there when his daughter made her Opry debut. And being there for the woman he loved.

He wasn't really sure what he was going to do about everything after that night, but he knew it was right to be there. And so he was.

The song

She asked him to sing with her. She'd taken his hand and asked him. When she squeezed his hand, he squeezed back and looked at her. She thought he understood. She'd taken all the time she needed and she was ready. She hadn't realized it would happen then, but she'd known it the minute he'd walked in the dressing room door.

For a minute, she thought he wasn't going to come out on stage, but then there he was. When he hugged her, she whispered "The Rivers Between Us". It was a song they'd written when she was married to Teddy. It was the closest they'd come to acknowledging, to each other, what they both still felt. They hadn't performed it often, although it was on one of her albums. It was intensely personal, although most of their songs were. But this one was different, somehow.

It seemed fitting, to do this one on this night.


He hadn't meant to go out on stage with her. But when she'd held his hand and looked up at him, he'd seen and felt something he couldn't ignore. He wanted to, but he couldn't. He'd told Maddie he'd love Rayna until the day he died, and he was telling the truth about that. He'd disappointed her hundreds of times in their life together. This wasn't going to be another one. Even if it tore his own heart out.


Whenever it was just the two of them on a stage together, magic seemed to happen. It was as though everything around them faded to black, that they were the only two people in the whole world. It was always like that. It was that way again. Everything that was in their hearts played out on that stage that night. Everything.

Deacon

Help me hold on.

When he sang those last four words and looked into her eyes, he knew he needed to get off that stage. He'd hugged her, because it would have seemed odd not to, and then he'd walked off. He was afraid if he stayed, he'd break down. He was fighting tears as he headed off, not really seeing anything in front of him. I need to get out of here.

Maddie and Daphne came up to him and he hugged them both, then told them he had to leave. He couldn't do this. He'd seen what was in her eyes, while they were on that stage. He knew what was in their hearts. But he couldn't do that to her, couldn't disappoint her again.

He smiled and nodded at people who spoke to him as he focused on getting out of the building. He was afraid he'd break down and he needed to be as far away from this place as he could be when he did. He actually only made it as far as his truck. He got in and shut the door and broke down in heaving, wrenching sobs.

Rayna

When she heard the applause, it seemed to break the spell a bit. It had been just like in the beginning. Deacon and the music, they were both the same. She was still feeling that warm glow, when he hugged her. Then she realized he'd walked off the stage, but she still felt a little like she was floating on a cloud. She was breathless as she gazed out at the crowd.

Deacon Claybourne. She practically whispered his name, as she realized, once and for all, that he was the person she wanted to be with for the rest of her life.

Deacon

He didn't even go home. He headed north on Briley Parkway until he got to highway 65 and then he headed north to the cabin. He couldn't go home. He was sure she'd go by there. If not that night, then the next day. He couldn't face her, couldn't tell her he had to shatter her dreams. His dreams. He couldn't stop the tears, as he drove farther and farther away from her.

He knew he'd have to face her eventually. He had no idea what he would say to her. But he knew the time had come, when he had to tell her the truth. That he was dying and that there was nothing left for them. That it was too late, they'd waited too long. He knew he'd have to be strong, for both of them, but he had made up his mind. It wouldn't be easy. It would be the hardest obstacle they'd ever had to deal with. But he had to let her go.

Rayna

She kept the smile going as the evening ended, all the while searching the crowd for Deacon. She couldn't believe he'd actually left. Walked out on her. It felt so much like all those times in the past, when they were together, and he'd leave. After a fight, or to go drinking, or just because he couldn't do it anymore. When things got tough, Deacon Claybourne would disappear. Too many times it put her in a bad position. She'd have to cancel a rehearsal or reschedule a recording session or find someone to play lead guitar and sing back up on stage. Because Deacon Claybourne couldn't handle it when things got tough.

But that was then. This was now. And Deacon had figured out how to handle things when they got tough. At least she thought he had. Well, at least until the truth came out about Maddie. Which, if she were honest with herself, was really her doing. But they were past that. And she'd told him she still loved him, back that night after she'd called off the wedding.

Did I wait too long?

The girls didn't want to leave. They were still flying high on their Opry debut. That, at least, gave her a genuine feeling of happiness and she could smile a real smile at them. She'd been so proud of them as she'd watched them on stage. With Deacon. They really were quite talented. Maddie would be like Deacon, singing and writing songs and playing the guitar. Daphne would be like her, wanting to do all of that, but, in the end, just singing. That made her smile.

She'd finally spoken to everyone she'd needed to and hugged everyone who'd wanted one and she still was searching for Deacon, but she'd come to realize that he was gone. And her heart sank. She really thought they'd reconnected that night on stage. Singing that song. The look in his eyes as he watched her. And sang to her. She knew that, like her, everything around them had disappeared for him as they sang that song. It was just like it used to be, whenever they were on stage together. Nothing mattered but the music, and the love.

She wanted to cry, was desperate to cry, but she pushed it down. She had to smile at Luke and Colt. She'd forgotten Luke was there. What had happened on the stage probably had hurt him. Probably confirmed for him what he likely already knew, that Deacon was her future and that it had just always been that way. Wasn't going to change. Except he was gone.

The girls chattered in the backseat all the way home. They couldn't stop talking about what it felt like to be on the Opry stage, making their Opry debut. She barely talked, just to answer a question here or there. Maddie had asked her how it had felt to sing with Deacon again and she had smiled sadly and said it was wonderful. And it had been. She felt a stray tear threaten and she breathed in and whisked the tear away. And put that smile back on her face.

When she finally closed the door on Maddie's bedroom, she walked down the stairs to her room. After she closed the door, she collapsed, right there on the floor, and finally let the tears come. Why did he leave? After a minute, she focused on putting all her emotions back deep inside and she got up and sat on the bench at the end of her bed. She fished through her purse and pulled out her phone.

She sat for a moment, looking at it, then scrolled through her contacts for his name. She pressed the call button and put the phone to her ear. Hey, this is Deacon. You know what to do. She sighed. Tears pressed against her eyes and she willed them back. Deacon, please call me.


She lost track of how many times she tried calling him. She got voice mail every time. Sometimes she left a message, sometimes she didn't. She laid on her bed, still dressed, unable to sleep for more than twenty or thirty minutes at a time. Every time she dozed off, she'd wake with a start, grabbing her phone, looking for a message, a text, even just a missed call. But nothing. At two in the morning, she got up and wandered through the lower level of the house, like a ghost. She peered out windows, not sure what she expected to see. She wandered into the den and sat on the couch, then got up and paced some more. She walked into her music room, the white light of the moon shining through the window. She stood looking out at the almost full moon, trying his number yet again, for what, the fortieth time?

She tried sleeping again, to no avail. She thought back over the entire night, in painful detail. But not all of it was painful. It had been so good to see him walk in, a smile on his face. She knew she saw love in his eyes when they were on stage, but now that she thought about it, she also remembered seeing pain there as well. As though the love hurt. She didn't understand that. And so she tried him again. Hey, this is Deacon. You know what to do. She lowered her head and let the tears come.

When it was finally late enough, she took a shower and changed clothes, then went to Maddie's room. She told her daughter she had something she needed to do and for Maddie to watch Daphne. She didn't know how long she'd be, but to call Teddy if something came up. Maddie had frowned at her a little and asked if something was wrong. She'd pulled out her smile and let that smooth her face. Of course not, everything's fine. I just need to take care of a few things.

She was pretty sure, based on the fact that Deacon had never answered his phone, that he probably was not at home, but she drove over there anyway. She got out of her car and walked up to the front door. She hesitated for a moment, then knocked. As she waited, she looked out towards the street, but didn't see his truck. She knocked one more time, then finally walked back to her car. She drove down the street slowly, looking to see if his truck was anywhere. Not seeing it, she knew where to go next.


As she drove north on highway 65, she thought about what she would say. She wanted to know why he'd left, why he hadn't waited, what was going on. She was ready now. For him, for a life with him, for a future with him. She'd known it for sure when they stood in the circle on the Opry stage. She knew it when Maddie challenged her, but she hadn't been ready to acknowledge it quite then. She didn't understand why he was hesitating. He'd told her before she'd called off the wedding that he'd always love her. She knew he still loved her. This, though, she didn't understand.

When she pulled into the drive at the cabin, she breathed a sigh of relief when she saw his truck. She parked next to it and slowly got out. She took a second to look out over the lake, looking to see if he was on the dock, but he was not. She walked up the steps to the porch, breathing in and out, trying to calm her shattered nerves and her wildly beating heart. When she got to the sliding doors, she could see him standing in the kitchen, facing away from her. This felt like the biggest moment of her life, the moment that was going to change everything.

She took a deep breath and opened the door. She walked in, closing the doors behind her. He turned to face her. She wasn't sure quite what she saw there, in his face, in his eyes, but she stood there for a moment, just looking at him, before she spoke.

"I called you like fifty times."