A/N: To honor the great work of Little Kuriboh a.k.a. the creator of Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged, I decided to make an ebonics version of a random chapter in Surviving Through Changes because I was bored and because SuperNova 23 (One of my best friends on this site) thought it'd be funny to do this. So for this, I picked a section of chapter 37 of the story, Arena of Lost Souls Part 2. Hopefully you guys will like it. (I've actually had this on hand for a while, but didn't think about posting it until now. For those of you who've been reading Golden Strands...I think at this point you guys need some humor to pick up your moods because...Golden Strands isn't going to be getting any happier. It's going to get darker, so much so that Sora and company from Kingdom Hearts are going to have to come storming in with keyblades to lock up my crazy brain.)
Warning: This is pure humor and craziness. Not meant to be taken seriously and is not meant to be understood at all. And since this is ebonics, just about everything is grammatically incorrect. Just find the humor and laugh. Also if you have not read Surviving Through Changes, read that story first and then come back. This story is not only abridged and ebonicized (not a word, made it up) but out of order too.
Disclaimer: I do not own Yugioh, Sailor Moon, or any references to Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged.
Yo da Arena o' Lost Souls Part 2 (Excerpt)
Yo, at da entrance ta da cave
(Wif da gang)
Da dark an' murky cave seemed like da last place Joey would ever go an' brothas really wanted ta turn around an' get back out in da sun, but dey realized realz quickly dat dey all had ta press forward.
"What iz dis here place?" Tristan asked as he looked at the candles that offered some light.
"We's bettah be careful, dis here could be uh trap," Yugi stated.
Tristan glanced back at Mina. "Ah wouldn't be surprised if it wuz one."
"Werd up peep at dat," Tea exclaimed, pointing at two wooden coffins ahead. "Wut up wif deez coffins just standing in da middle o' dis here cave?"
Bakura walked over to one of them and Tea walked towards the other other. "Beats me Tea, it's very odd."
Bakura did not translate very well at all.
Anyway, Yugi, Mina, and Tristan looked at them as if dez was madness...whatever that means.
"Yo, I wouldn't whack those," Yugi warned.
"Yeah, I wouldn't either honey-style biscuit," Mina added. "Fo' all yo' know dere could be skeletons in dere for realz."
Tea scoffed. "Don' be silly Mina, deez here is just props…" she trailed off when she noted that da chains attached to the coffins wuz moving. Da coffins themselves wuz opening. An' not a moment later, skeletons fall out o' da coffins an' latch themselves onto da two teens.
"AAAAAAAAAH!" Bakura an' Tea began running around in circles screaming, "Get them thangz off, get them thangz off!"
Tristan punched one skeleton off o' Bakura an' Yugi awkwardly pushed da other off of Tea. Bakura an' Tea then lay on da ground, utterly speechless.
"Okay Mina honeychild, dat wuz weird," Yugi stated.
Mina sighed, idly remembering her dreams. "Ah've become an oracle lately."
"Dat Pegasus sho has uh sick sense o' humor," Tristan commented, shaking his head an' helping Bakura an' Tea off da ground. Bof o' dem wuz still in mild shock.
Ten minutes later though, everything wuz running moderately smoof. Tea, Tristan, Yugi, an' Mina wuz traveling through da cave.
"Still nahh sign o' Joey," Tristan stated, sighing an' then he noticed dat someone wuz missing. "Where's Bakura?"
Tea looked around. "We's didn't take any turns, so ah don' know where he could gots gone."
Tristan set his gaze on Mina again. "Aight ribbon biscuit child, what did you do? Don't make me shank ya up in dis here cave!"
Man, is it me or is Tristan straight up gansta in this? Anyway, let's carry on.
"Yo!" Mina scowled in da black darkness. "Ah didn't do anythin`Tristan. Lay off already…"
"AAAAAAAAAAAH!"
"See!" Mina shouted, sticking her tongue out at Tristan. He glared at her an' then turned his attention toward Bakura's screams. "Werd up Bakura, ova here…"
"HELP ME!" he screamed, his silhouette appearing. A skeleton wuz latched onto his back.
"AAAAAAAAAAAH!" Tea, Tristan, Yugi, an' Mina took off running, determined not ta let da skeleton get them. "Get dis here thing offa me! It's cutting off me circulation ya'll."
Another ten minutes later, Tristan wuz stomping on da head o' da skeleton while da others wuz sprawled out on da cave floor, completely traumatized.
"From now on, don' pick up any whack hitchhikers," Tristan ordered, da head finally cracking underneath his foot.
Tea groaned. "Is it safe ta open muh peeps now?"
"You know, ah think muh biscuit wounds opened up on dat last turn," Mina stated, being completely dramatic since her wounds hadn't opened up even a little bit.
Yugi sat up an' laughed nervously as he spoke, "You gave us all quite uh scare with dat skeleton Bakura." Bakura muttered a quiet sorry as he finally gots up on his knees.
"Never mind dat," Tristan commanded, "We's've gots another problem ta deal with."
"An' wut dat be?" Mina asked as she gots ta her feet, she gestured fo' Artemis ta git on her shoulder again. He did so effortlessly.
"Yo and I mean yooo! Which way is we's supposed ta go?" he asked, pointing at a fork in da tunnel. "Anybody gots any ideas?"
Tea's eyebrows crinkled up as she stared at each pathway. Bof wuz dark, murky, an' looked frightening.
"Wow, can't say," she told him. "Both are so inviting."
Tristan rolled his peeps. "Joey iz in one o' deez tunnels an' we's need ta figure out which one."
"Tristan's right," Yugi stated, getting ta his feet. "We's need ta find Joey now."
Tea an' Bakura gots up. "Right."
Dat wuz when Bakura stepped in somethin` he shouldn't have. "Werd up, muh motha goose toe has sprung a trap yo!"
At least Bakura is translating better now, but at this point I'm wondering if this ebonics thing was a big fat mistake.
A sudden sound caught Mina's ears. "Wut dat sound?"
"Ah stepped on uh switch or somethin`…"
"Quiet now," Yugi kindly commanded. Bakura slapped his hands ova his mouth. Yugi then ordered them all ta listen an' dey listened.
"It's getting louder," Tristan stated.
Tea nodded. "An' ah think its headed dis here way."
Mina had a really bad feeling 'bout that sound. "Pimpz, what exactly iz coming."
Bakura responded by trembling an' sayin` "Awww dear," for da duration of ten agonizing seconds. An' then…da giant rolling boulder appeared.
"AAAAAAAH! EVERYBODY RUN!"
Apparently freak out moments are universal in every language. No translation necessary.
Dey all chose da path on da left an' da boulder unfortunately followed. Tea wuz practically crying as dey ran. "WHY iz dat BOULDER CHASING US!"
"Probably cause we's be going down hill honeychild madness," Tristan replied, picking up his pace.
"Ah'm sorry, ah'm sorry, ah'm sorry," Bakura chanted, knowing he'd caused da peril o' his honey dough biscuits. While he wuz chanting, his foot caught onto uh random rock an' he felt himself tripping. He gasped an' da others, hearing it, turned around.
"Bakura naaaaaaaahh!" Tea screamed as Mina nodded fo' Artemis ta get off her shoulder. He leaped off an' ran ahead o' da others. Mina wuz da closest ta Bakura so she hurriedly reached behind her an' grabbed his arm, forcing him ta catch himself. She then shoved him forward, which made him run faster, but ta do so she had ta stop which meant dat da boulder…
Yugi, Tristan, Tea, Bakura, an' little Artemis looked back in horror as da boulder ran ova her, crushing her ta da ground.
"It gots Mina!" Yugi screamed. Tea screamed louder, completely terrified. Bakura had started crying. "I wants muh motha and ya'll is mad stupid!"
Tristan's gaze wuz fixed straight ahead. "Don' peep back, keep running or…" He trailed off when he noticed dat ahead o' him wuz uh dead end.
"YOU'VE GOTS TA BE KIDDING!"
"Dis here be uh nightmare!" Bakura screamed as da four of them stopped at da end. Da poor lad wuz so distraught dat he ended up falling ta da floor, simultaneously curling up into the fetal position as a means ta protect himself.
Tea screamed again. "Naaaahh! I say here naaah! BAKURA'S BECOME UH GREEN!"
Yugi an' Tristan sweat-dropped. Bakura an' Tea wuz being way ova dramatic. Sho dey wuz 'bout to die, but somethin` like dat didn't page fo' theatrics.
"Well, what is we's gonna do?" Yugi asked, oddly calm as he watched Artemis curl up into uh ball next ta Bakura.
Tristan turned uh fierce glare toward da boulder. "Well, since dere's nahh where left ta run, its tyme ta fight."
And time is spelled with a "Y" for some unexplained reason. Good heavens, is there a real person who talks like this or is this just a slam against black people? I take some slight offense if it is. I mean seriously, I do not talk like this! No one in my family talks like this!
Well, except maybe one of my uncles...but that's beside the point.
"What!" Yugi exclaimed. "You can't!"
"Why can't I honey-buscuit?" Tristan asked.
Yugi rubbed his temples in frustration. "Do you not realize dat be uh giant boulder. Dat thing will flatten you out, run you ova, child dat thing will bloody kill you, big bloody buggar."
And there's the obligatory slam at the British. Oh, I feel so bad right now. I'm not being sarcastic either, I really do feel bad for writing in a stereotypical nature. It's something that's truly, truly despicable. These stereotypes don't bring us together, they divide people, not to mention that it throws proper grammar and all sanity to the wind.
Maybe that's why it's so funny. Anyway...
"Ah gots ta try somethin`," Tristan replied, rushing forward, fist high in da air. He knew dat he wuz 'bout to die, but he would die uh hero. So when he punched da boulder an' it popped well, fo' da first tyme he wuz speechless. "Dat wuz uh balloon?"
Bakura immediately rose ta his feet, livid with fury. "SERIOUSLY YO!"
Tea sighed as she watched Bakura throw uh tantrum. "Apparently."
Yugi glanced ta da side an' noticed uh small speaker. "Someone wired dat speaker fo' sound. Wanna bet it wuz Pegasus?"
Tea walked ova ta Mina, who wuz laying face down on da ground. "You okay Mina?"
Mina glanced up at her as Artemis scampered ova. "Ah swear dis here island iz trying ta kill me."
Yugi sighed. "Pegasus obviously spared naaahh expense ta scare us half ta deaf."
I'm not even going to bother pointing out why using "Deaf" for "Death" is a jacked up spelling.
Bakura clenched his fists. "Why dat bloody nahh pimp-tight scum iz going ta get it when ah see him!"
Brothas and sistas sighed. It would appear dat Joey's temper wuz starting ta rub off on da normally peaceful British peep. What 'chew thinkin' man?
A/N: I can't believe I let SuperNova23 talk me into writing this. But, I figure that after all the horrible things you guys have had to read in Golden Strands, you all needed a flashback to some humor. Since I've hit writer's block for Golden Strands, if you guys want, I'll keep making these ebonics excerpts of Surviving Through Changes. Let me know if you all are interested in that. For now, this foxy, mad-cool, soul sista is signing out honey biscuits. Word.
