A Full and Frank Exchange of Views
Odo ushered him into my office. He sat down opposite me, as I indicated he should, and smiled at me with his rather bland, rather annoying smile.
'So, Mr Garak,' I said. 'What have you got to say for yourself?'
He looked at me with incredulity for a moment and then, to my amazement, he started laughing. Not a snort of derision, not a wry chuckle. His shoulders shook and tears started to roll down his face. He leaned back in his chair and roared.
After a minute or two, he wiped one hand across his face. 'D'you know, Captain, Starfleet never fails to amuse me. I don't think anyone has said that to me in more than thirty years.' He shook his head at me. 'I'm not a schoolboy caught fighting! I've just attempted genocide...!' The last word collapsed under another fit of laughter.
'I'm glad you find that amusing,' I rumbled, my voice dangerously low.
'Oh, I don't find it amusing at all, that's just the point. I take it very seriously.' He gazed back at me. 'And that really is the best you can do?' he murmured.
'Perhaps if I want an idea for a decent punishment I should ask a Cardassian?' I snapped.
'Oh, Captain - on Cardassia I'd have gotten a promotion. In bad taste, I suppose, but at least we're consistent.'
'What do you mean by that?' I shot back.
'I mean that the hypocrisy of your race is quite breathtaking. You will sit here and give me a lecture on the heinous nature of my crimes, then rap me on the knuckles and give me a miserly two months in a holding cell as punishment.'
I mentally added an extra four months to the two month sentence I'd planned.
'Then,' he continued, 'You and your colleagues will sit around shaking your heads at the woeful morals of other races, right up until the point that you need our expertise to get you through one of the messier dilemmas you find yourselves in.'
'I find it highly unlikely that I shall ever need to call upon your more colourful talents, Mr Garak,' I responded.
He stood up. 'Maybe if I'd managed to wipe out the Founders I'd agree with you, Captain. But I think you're going to have a war on your hands. And war detests morality.'
I rose to face him. 'If I want lectures on morality, Garak, I'll look to someone other than you.'
He smiled back at me. 'Just pass the sentence and let me get on with it.'
I hit the button to open the door, and Odo came back in. 'Six months,' I said to him. I looked back at Garak's smirking face. 'And get him out of my sight!'
February 2000
