I walked down to the corner market that afternoon with not a thought in my head. It was summertime, which meant that I didn't have to spend my days thinking about math and reading and science. So, as usual, I chose to think about nothing at all. Nothing besides Diane Sawyer, that is. Not the news lady Diane Sawyer, but the Diane Sawyer who lives across the street from me. She sure was a looker, that Diane, what with her golden-brown hair, her grass green eyes, and her wonderful laugh. I went a little giddy every time I thought about her. Diane, Diane, Diane… These were the thoughts that filled my otherwise-empty adolescent brain as I strolled in the corner market and then back out of the store a few minutes later, a huge bag of Crunchies cradled in my left arm, and my right hand shoveling the cheesy goodness into my mouth one huge handful at a time. The crunchy combination of pretzels and cheese-covered chips made me almost as giddy as thinking about Diane did.

As I made the short trek back to my house, which stood only a few blocks away, I started to feel a little nauseous. It wasn't obviously life-threatening, so I ignored it and continued shoving the wonderfully delicious chips into my cheese powder-covered mouth. But when I got about a block away from my house, I felt it: a sharp, shooting pain somewhere in my side. I yelped and dropped the chip bag as I clutched my side and bent over, trying to relieve the pain. It didn't go away. If anything, it just got worse. As the seconds passed, the pain increased so I could barely stand it. Eventually, I found myself lying on the ground, staring at my fallen chip bag and inwardly sobbing for the chips that had fallen on the dirty ground. The five second rule had long since been broken.

But soon something happened that took my attention away from both the excruciating pain in my side and the fallen chips. Some of the orange bits that lay on the ground began to move. They stood upright, grew little arms and legs, and began marching towards me. I thought it was some hallucination; that the pain was messing with my head; that some joker had drugged my Crunchies… until suddenly, the chip in the lead, a cheese-puff, began to speak. "Surrender!" it shrieked in a tiny, shrill voice.

"What?" I barely managed to squeak out in my surprise.

"Surrender, human, or face our terrible wrath!" cried the cheese-puff.

"Oh my gosh!" I cried. I tried to blink the sweat out of my eyes and focus better on the advancing figure, but more just kept pouring out of my hair and my forehead. I winced as a new stab of pain shot through me.

"Ah, I see you feel the effects of our warriors on the inside!" cried the tiny chip.

"What?" I squeaked out again. My brain desperately tried to make sense of what was happening here. "But… but you're a chip!"

"Aha, so you think, small and insignificant human!" I thought this was a very ironic comment, but decided to hold my peace. "We are not chips, but conquerors of worlds! We have sacrificed millions upon billions upon trillions of our kind, cookie and candy and chip, to infiltrate into your homes and lives, and now we shall conquer you from the inside out! We have been waiting patiently for just the right time to strike, and now we have it! With most of your population weak and unable to fight due to the effects of all of our bretheren, this world shall fall easily into our hands!"

"S-so you're telling me… Snack food is taking over the world?" I asked through gritted teeth. Another wave of pain shot through my stomach. It felt like it was growing. "GAH, what are you doing to me?"

"Muahahaha! Those are our brothers, eating you away from the inside! Well, not you, as in your flesh, but they are eating away at your health, your youth, your vigor! We shall take it all for ourselves and leave you in a weak and pitiful state, young human! Fear us and surrender!"

"No! I can't! You guys are insane! I'm insane! I'm talking to a chip! Go away, just go away!" I screamed and closed my eyes. There was silence after this last shrieking comment on my part, but still I kept my eyes closed in terror. I imagined the chip people jumping on my and eating my flesh. I imagined them carrying me off to their chip-bag spaceship and dissecting me like some sick science experiment. I imagined them, in an inverted twist of fate, turning me into a cookie and eating me whole...

My whole body was tense as I waited to find out what death felt like.

Needless to say, I almost jumped out of my skin when I heard a noise break the tense silence.

"Jeremy?"