The winter of New York was surprisingly cold this year, the crisp chill running over any skin that peeked out from among the warm layers that kept the warmth in. The shocking coolness was a pleasant surprise and left him smiling faintly.
It brought up memories, of a time when he had someone that he wanted to keep warm, how he would run his fingers over those arms. Bringing warmth to him even as he pulled the slighter man to his chest and held him close.
It had been often that they had ventured out into the New York winters, from trips to the ice rink that left them cold and breathless, to the plays that they had often frequented in the later years. How they had laughed as the walked from the theatre and made their way along through the streets of their home. Heads held together as if they were in their little world.
A weak smile spread across his face as he stopped at his destination, staring down at it from behind the bouquet of blue roses that he knew he had loved so very much. He could remember how his eyes had danced when he had first brought them on one of their dates. How his face had lit up and his smile had broken like a child's at receiving something they loved.
Kneeling down, beside the grave, he laid the roses out on the snow covered grave, resting them near the headstone and smiled as he noticed that there were the signs of others having been there. His friends had evidently come by to see him today. As they always did on this day, the anniversary of his death.
A single flower was laid out across the top along with a letter in the all too familiar scrawl of Clary Herondale's handwriting. Beside it was the usual array of gifts that he knew came from Simon and Isabelle. The thought of them made his heart twist and ache.
Rising from his crouch he did not need to turn to know that he was not alone. He could sense the two figures who lingered at the edges of his peripherals, and he was both comforted by their presence and saddened by them. Twisting his head from one side to the other he sighed as his eyes fell on a the stark blonde hair that sat atop Jace Herondale's head, the rest of him swathed in his usually favoured black.
The other man stood with his feet braced, his shoulders squared, and his hands shoved into his jacket pocket. His face was unreadable, and his eyes were guarded as they met his eyes. Like every year the blonde said nothing to him, just letting him have his time to speak silently to the grave. Speaking in detail about the year that had passed since his last visit until his voice grew hoarse with his tears and he could no longer see anything through the bitter tears.
"He wouldn't want you to dwell on this forever you know!... He would want you to live."
The second person finally spoke, as she always did. Catarina Loss a constant companion of the truth, her eyes and voice as tender as she could be. One blue hand finding it's way to his shoulder, gripping it tightly and offering him her support as she always did, her gaze lingering on his face and saddening significantly. As if she could see the pain that still filled his every fibre, the ache in his very being that would not go away.
" I know...and I'm trying. I just can't yet."
" I know...but someday you will...and you need to know that that is okay!"
Nodding he let his fingers rest on hers, finally turning away from the grave to make his way out of the graveyard. His shoulders hunched forward against the wind that had picked up during his visit. Ignoring the shadow he knew he now had as he made his way.
He didn't acknowledge it until he had at last returned to his apartment. It was there outside the building that had been his home for years that he stopped and turned towards the blonde. Meeting his eyes as he only did around once a year, only could do once a year.
"He's gone you know!...and he's not coming back." He flinched at Jace's usual blunt manner. He wasn't surprised at it, though.
"I know. there is nothing in my power that could bring him back, no matter how much I wish I could!"
"Then why do you do this to yourself? We're all here for you. You do know that don't you? He wouldn't want you to hole yourself up alone to suffer without anyone. He loved you too much for that, and he wanted to see you thriving, living life and happy!"
The piercing pain that hit his chest was the answer to that. The idea of the one he'd loved so much not there to share those things with him, to see that smile and hear him laugh. Shaking his head he pulled his coat more around himself. Meeting those imploring eyes of the other who had been the only one to continue to pursue this with the same persistence and drive after all these years.
" I know Jace."
And he did know, he knew that his love would never have wanted him to withdraw the way he had. Would not want him to push away the love and support offered him from so many of those that cared for him.
He could remember how they had first come to him in droves, from Maia and Lily along with Tessa and Jem Carstairs. And of course, Jace, Clary, Simon, and Isabelle. They had all been a constant presence in his life trying endlessly to help and to support him. He had been too raw then, the hurt too new and the loss too sudden painful. He had felt as if his heart and soul were dragged over broken glass and salt every time he looked at them, seeing their happiness their love.
So he had withdrawn into himself, allowing his heart the time it needed to heal. Allowing only Max to come any closer than the walls he used to hold the others back, the barriers against letting anyone into his heart. He couldn't handle losing someone that he loved.
" I just can't alright… I'm not ready to let him go yet."
The sadness that usually entered the blonde's eyes as they had these conversations made that usual ache in his chest worse as he recoiled into himself. He knew that the other was trying and that every time he pulled away from him, it caused the blonde pain, but he couldn't help himself.
" Alright… you have my number if you need anything!"
With that Jace turned and made his way along through the barren street, his shoulders hunched forward in the way that usually meant he was greatly troubled. His head lowered and his pace slow. It hurt to see the usually energetic man hurting this way, but he could do nothing to help his pain when his own still held its sway.
The warmth of the interior was shocking when following the numbing cold of the early evening. Ignoring the tingling feeling crawling over his skin now as he made his way inside and into the apartment he smiled tiredly as he heard the all too familiar meow that greeted him at the door. Grateful that the initial desire to have nothing to do with Chairman Meow after it had happened had passed.
He had hated sending the cat to live with Max uptown, but every time he had heard that mewling or had the feline curl his way around him he had felt as if he would break apart. Memories were drowning him until he could no longer see straight. Thankfully with time that had passed and now Chairman had been his most constant companion.
Stooping low he gathered the ball of purring fur into his arms. Walking the rest of the way towards the blinking lights he could see from the answering machine. Hitting play he cringed as "you have five new messages" was announced in the precise, mechanical voice of the machine.
" Hi, it's Clary! I know Jace saw you today. But I missed you and wanted to know if you would come to come to Joseph's birthday party at the end of the month. I know…..
" He let it trail off into background noise as he traveled into the bedroom. Placing Chairman delicately onto the bed he pulled his shirt off over his head and turned towards his closet. Opening the doors he hesitated as he always did at the sight of the shirts he hadn't yet had the heart to throw away. Pulling one of the many shirts from its hanger he held it tightly to his chest and buried his face inside of it.
He could almost imagine the smell of his lover lingering in the fabric even though it had been four years since it had been worn by him. Still the idea that this shirt had once been worn by him had touched his skin was enough to have him pulling it on over his head.
Turning back towards the doorway he sighed faintly as he shifted along through the halls of the apartment. Walking the all too familiar steps it would take to draw himself into the kitchen. Somewhere he could hear the voice of Clary change, melting into Simon's, Luke's, and finally the all too familiar voice that came across the line.
" This is James Carstairs. I know that it is that time of the year again where you draw into yourself and Tessa likewise worries. I'm calling to let you know that we are planning on making a trip up to New York next week to be there for Joseph's birthday. Tessa is busying herself with gifts and things for him but wanted me to call you and confirm if it would be okay for us to stop by. You know our number. Feel free to call at any time."
Shaking his head he cringed and leaned on the counter as he gathered his newly poured cup of coffee to himself. This phone call was not unexpected, as it came every year on this day. The first two years it had come from Tessa herself, and it had been much longer. Imploring him to pick up the phone at first and then finally expressing her concern over his continued isolation. In him last two years it had been the calmer and more collected Jem who had called, his message concise and brief.
As the visits they promised were also starting to become, them unable to find ways to continue making small talk with themselves when he gave no assistance to the conversations. It wasn't that he wasn't happy to see them, it was more that he just didn't want to invite anyone into his world.
The final message started with complete silence, so long that he began to think that perhaps the person had not realized they had dialed his number and had instead walked away from their phone. It had happened now and then. Heading over to the machine to erase the message he paused momentarily, his finger over the button, to smile down at Chairman Meow as he wound himself between his legs meowing up at him.
"You promised me!...you promised me you would live your life!"
The voice that broke the silence drew a gasp of shock from him, his fingers going numb around the cup. Leaving the furious cat to hiss at him as he hurried away from the sudden downpour of liquid that fell on him. This was completely lost on him as he stared wide-eyed at the flashing light on the machine. There was no way...he was hearing things.
"You promised me that you would not pull away from your life, that you would let those who loved you be there. Please do not hurt yourself this way. Trapping yourself alone in isolated pain is only going to cause more pain for you...please my love. I love you so much… but I don't want you to die or to live a life filled with missing me...when you finally do come here I want you to have lived a long life filled with joy and love! I….I….miss...youu…."
The voice then faded off into nothingness and yet the call continued and he waited in silence. Praying that his voice would return, warmth running down his cheeks as he could feel his body trembling now. So violently now that he almost felt weak in the knees. When deep breathing could suddenly be heard on the other line, he leaned forward his eyes wide and desperate for more of whatever the other had to say.
"please father… pleaseeeee… enough ...is enough… we love you… we don't want you to suffer this way… he can't stay any longer...my magic cannot sustain him more than it already has...but please know that he wanted you to know how much he loves you and wants to see you smile. He says he's watching over you!"
With that, the voice of his son faded off, and the call ended leaving him to stare in bewilderment at the machine. His body cold and his throat tight. Tears an endless stream now as he folded his arms over his chest, cradling himself as he bit down on the sob of agony that sought to pull itself from him.
Turning away once he had managed to hit the button to save all messages he made his way down the hall towards the room that he had not gone near since that horrible day five years ago today. To the room that had been entirely his, and had since become a shrine now that he was no longer filling it with himself. Cracking the door open he stepped forward into the room ignoring the horrid smell of dust, and that came with the place being so closed off for so long.
Letting his eyes trail over the mahogany desk and the many many bookshelves that lined the walls he felt his heart begin to ache as he spotted the fireplace and the large plush chair he often remembered falling in sleep watching as his beloved bent over that desk. His nose lost in a book and his fingers flying over the pages of his notes, the fireplace alive with his blue flames.
Boxes of the other's things lined the other free places of the room including.. and most prominently the blue sequined suit that lay half shredded on the floor, the dark indigo colour still marred and ruined with old blood. Walking on lead like legs he moved towards it and let himself fall to his knees, pulling the destroyed material against his chest as he often did the other suits, and shirts that he wore to be closer to him he felt a sob leaving him now. Burying his face in the materials as he sobbed desperately, a scream ringing through the room almost startling him until he registered the agony in his throat.
Magnus, his Magnus was gone…
AN: Evening everyone. This is just a short little Drabble that i came up with because I really liked the line "Hello from the other side"...even though I didn't use that line in anything other than the title the concept of someone reaching out to their loved one from beyond the grave appealed to me. If this is received well I might add a second chapter going into more detail about what happened and how things end for Alec.
