I don't own detective Conan or any of the characters.
The Missing Piece
I'm still not quite used to this. Walking around with worrying about being discovered. I find myself looking over my shoulder every now and then. But I know I'm safe. From them at least. I'm walking home but I'm not really in a hurry. I don't exactly have anything to get back to, and I can really use the fresh air. It's cold, but I don't mind. The numbness in my fingers are proof that I'm alive. Sometimes I need that.
I'm not taking the shortest route home. I've been going around for over an hour for no reason. I've been feeling kind of heavy lately. Because although I am free, I have no ambitions to chase after, nothing to look forward to. For the first time in my life I'm finally able to think about my future, try to figure out where I belong. I've never had that luxury before. I haven't gotten very far.
I space out before I bump into a familiar figure. I haven't seen him in a while. We haven't spent much time together since the fall of the organization. He stands before me, tall and smiling.
"Hey there, been a while," he says.
"You should really watch where you're going," I reply knowing fully well that I was the one spacing out.
"Going somewhere?" He asks.
"Home."
"Wanna walk together?"
"I don't care."
We walk side by side. I'm feeling nervous. I'm not sure how I fit into his life anymore. He has his life back, the life he loves and I'm afraid that there may not be a place for me now. Truth be told. I have been avoiding him lately. I don't want to be a part of his life if he doesn't need me. If I'm not serving a purpose then it's only logical for me to stay away. Because we are not 'friends' and I don't know what we are. I'm hoping he can tell me.
I sneak a look at him only to see a face he rarely ever wears, a face of uncertainty. He looks tired and beat, his eyes have lost their edge, the confidence he usually emits is no longer there. He sees me looking at him and he smiles. A small yet genuine smile. He's not going to pretend to be okay. But right now I'm looking at him and he's looking at me and he knows that I know something is wrong, and he's not going to hide it.
"I don't know who I am anymore," he begins, "my old life feels foreign to me, I'm doing everything I used to do the exact same way and yet, it feels different. I feel like I'm at school or solving a case, my body runs on auto pilot while my mind drifts off. I keep forcing a smile on myself to not worry the people around me. The future that I used to envision so clearly is now like a blurred memory. My dreams and ambitions no longer drive me. I feel like I'm trying to fill someone else's shoes and I feel lost. Crazy thing is," he smiles at me, "I think I like it, and I don't know why."
I sneak a look at him before I reply, "you're not the same person you used to be a year ago, how could you? After everything you went through, everything you had to do and the pain you had to endure. You can't be surprised that you've changed. You'd be a psychopath if you hadn't, so stop worrying about becoming who you were and start becoming who you aspire to be," he chuckles.
"And I'm not surprised that you're loving it. Your future has now become a mystery, not for you to solve, but create. For once you get to stop playing the detective and join the other side. Just make it as mysterious and unpredictable as possible, I'm sure that will make you happy."
He stops and he smiles. His smile turns into a laugh and something tells me it's his first genuine laugh in a while. His eyes find mine, and if eyes could smile, his definitely would be. "Wow, it's that simple huh, I've been struggling with this for weeks and just like that you solved it. I guess it's only logical. Things happen, people change. My future is now a mystery and therefore I like it. Wonder why I never thought of that. I guess that's why I need you, and that's why I'm glad to have met you," he says.
I might be blushing, but if you asked me, I'd insist that's just the cold. Over time I've learnt that he only says what he means. But glad to have met me? Meeting me has cost him so much, I've brought nothing but pain and suffering for the both of us. I can't imagine that I've done any good to him, so why?
He sees it on my face. He seems me doubting his words. I'd say we are about three steps apart. He takes two steps towards me, I'm rooted in place, staring into his eyes, feeling his heat. With a smirk on his face, he stares at me. He reaches his hand to mine. My palm resting against his. It's warm. His thumb is running circles on the back of my hand. I tense up, yet I've never felt warmer in my life. He chuckles again.
"In about two minutes, it will be a whole year since I ran to Gin and Vodka. So much has happened in the past year, enough to last us a lifetime and yet we still survived. Others may live to tell the tale but you and I are the ones who shared craziest tale of them all. You fought them your whole life and I tried to shoulder some of that burden, and I like to think I am part of the reason you survived, because I know for a fact that I wouldn't have survived without you," his voice is so soft, and yet it's reaching me so loud and clear that i can't help but feel a little lighter.
"I kept asking myself what I have gained through this whole ordeal. What good have I done? Even though the organization no longer exists there will always be another, so was it all meaningless. At the same time, I was still trying to find my way back, to become Shinichi again as if that's the only person I've ever been. I told myself that Shinichi had it all and that Shinichi isn't Conan. I've been trying to get my life back together, to put the pieces back into place. Yet I felt like there's something missing, and that I've been looking for it for a long time. But just now I realized that the missing piece is standing right next to me. The one thing that Conan has the Shinichi doesn't is you. And then it finally hit me, I can close my eyes now and see my life starting to make sense again," his gaze never wavers.
"It's a miracle. The mere fact that you and I are standing right here, right now, hand in hand is a miracle. We came from two different walks of life. We never knew the same world. But here we are, and to me all the pain, loss and sacrifice, after all I've had to endure, I think I was fairly compensated. Because finally I have what I always needed. The one thing I've been searching for my whole life. A partner, and I found that partner in you. That's why you can believe me when I tell you, I'm glad to have met you."
He's my missing piece. If through it all, he found a partner. Then so have I. I can travel the world, forget all the darkness of my past, I can try to bury the pain so deep and start anew. Yet I will never find a place to call home. But as long as our bond lasts. As long as partnership prevails. I will always belong no matter where I am. It is a miracle, and so wherever time leads me, I will never waver. Because for the first time in my life, I can look forward to tomorrow.
"Fine speech," I tell him.
The End.
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