Disclaimer: All charactes belong to George Lucas/Disney. I'm just having fun with them, for Uvain was first written by Jude Watson in the Jedi Apprentice series.
A/N: This story was originally written for a mod challenge at theforce net. My apologies for checking Qui-Gon Jinn as the main person in the story. Poor Tahl is not among the characters one can choose between but this is mainly her story. Master Shan is my own OC invention.
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Chapter 1: Eternal Darkness
It was so kriffin' dark. It was not the same darkness she'd felt in that terrible prison cell on Melida/Daan. It was not dark as night, nor dark as being in a room without light. Where there previously had been light and nature and furniture and other living beings there was now a mass of…well…nothingness, varying from some kind of thick impenetrable fog and "dark as night" dark.
It was weird. And depressing. She wanted to see. Now. And she couldn't.
Tahl Uvain, Jedi Master, concluded that she didn't like her new status at all. She had managed to keep herself calm when she her eyes were wounded during the mission to Melida/Daan. Somehow she had hoped that the blindness would be only temporarily and that she with time would regain sight, that is - if she survived, and if she ever was to be released from imprisonment and if she ever managed to find her way back to the Jedi Temple of Coruscant.
There had been a lot of 'if's'. The latter one had come true when she heard her friend Qui-Gon Jinn's voice and felt his arms around her and carrying her out from the prison cell. She didn't remember much after that. She'd felt the vibrations from engines in a ship and then the weird feeling when entering hyperspace, and then nothing more - until now.
Carefully she let her palms slid over the covers of her bed. Fairly soft, standard temple bed sheets if she wasn't mistaken. The mattress was, well, not soft, but softer than the one in her previous accommodation, that was for sure. She'd never been one for resting on stone floors anyway.
Her spirits lifted a bit, and her hands continued the exploration of the immediate environment. A couple of needles pierced her arm. Maybe not so good, or good - depending on one's point of view. That meant she was in some kind of medical care. Well, not extremely good, but…better than the prison cell. If she'd been into gambling she would have placed a couple of credits on the fact that she was back home.
Her suspicions were confirmed when a well known voice greeted her from the door.
"Good morning, Master Uvain."
The calm, pleasant voice did definitely belong to Master Healer Shan, in the Jedi Temple's Healers' Wing.
"Good morning, Master Shan," she returned.
"How do you feel today?" his question came out with a certain undertone of concern, but definitely not worried.
Good sign indeed. She hated it when even the healers were worried.
"I'm fine - I think. And hungry," she added for good measure. The rations in the prison cell had not been exquisite, to say the least.
"That's a good sign," the healer confirmed, "we've given you intravenous nourishment since you came in, but we may proceed to some thin soup today, and see if we can get you up and running soon again."
"Since I came? How long have I been laying here?"
"Three days now," the healer explained, "but for the first day we kept you sedated to let your system rest completely."
"Oh…"
The promised soup tasted wonderfully and after the meal (which she managed to eat without spilling any - mostly) she fell asleep again. When she woke, healer Shan was back in the room.
"You have a visitor," he announced. "Master Jinn has been hovering around like a giant mother hen. A rather nervous one, actually. At last I had to throw him out from here, but now he's back. Do you want to see him…I mean…?"
" 'See' is okay with me," Tahl ensured, feeling the healer's awkwardness by using that word in her presence through the Force. "Let him in."
The door opened and closed again. She could hear footsteps approaching, heels clicking towards the tiled floor. She turned her head in the direction of the sound.
"Qui-Gon?"
"Tahl! How do you feel? I've been so worried about you."
"So I heard. I know how much you like this place, and Healer Shan told me you've been around quite a bit."
"I was worried," he repeated. "Are you feeling better?"
"Compared to what?" she retorted dryly. "Yes, I do. Thank you. There is a huge difference between a decent mattress and the duracrete floor in my cell. And, I've had my first decent meal in ages!"
She could feel a large calloused hand gripping her own. It felt warm and wonderfully safe.
"Thanks for coming after me, Qui. I had prepared myself for dying in that awful place, but I'm glad I didn't have to."
"My pleasure," he said, "you know I will always be there for you."
"Even now? Even in my present condition? Master Shan hasn't said anything but I fear I will never be able to see again."
"Even now," he confirmed softly, "and dont lose your hope. If Shan hasn't said anything, it's because he isn't sure."
…
It was a short lived hope. It died a sudden death the following morning. After morning meal and after the med-droid had fulfilled it's duty and relieved Tahl from several milliliters of her blood, Healer Shan turned up again. She had learned to recognize his light footsteps by now.
"Healer Shan?"
"Good morning, Tahl, have you slept well?" Obviously he had thrown away the formalities now. Was that a good or bad sign?
Silently he settled down on the high stool next to her bed.
"There is something I have to tell you…"
The words were uttered in the exact same moment as Tahl asked the question she had been worried about since she woke: "Master Shan, will I ever be…"
Both of them stopped abruptly. Tahl was the first one to speak.
"I have a feeling that you were about to answer my question. Will I ever be able to see again?"
So, there it was. The words had been released. She embraced herself for the answer.
"No," he said quietly, "you won't. We've done a lot of scans and tests while you were unconscious and they all indicate the same. Your optical nerve was damaged by the trauma and it's irreparable. I'm sorry, Tahl."
"Not even bacta?" she whispered.
"No, not even bacta. It can repair only so much. If you had been taken under proper medical care immediately after the damage was done, there is a fair chance that bacta might have repaired it, or at least reduced the damage, but as the situation is we have no cure. I'm sorry."
"So am I," Tahl sighed with a sad smile, "would you mind leave me alone for a little while? This is much to digest, even though I feared this would be the answer."
Silently he stood up and left the room and for the first time in years Tahl Uvain cried.
Finding a tissue paper when you can't see isn't exactly easy, she finally concluded and decided to wipe her eyes with her sleeve instead.
Is this my future from now? Am I to stumble and fumble whenever I'm going to do something? Even something as easy as wiping my nose - or eyes? I object. I refuse! I am not going to let this win over me. For Force's sake, I'm a jedi. We're trained to use our senses and the Force. I am going to learn how to live with this whatever it takes.
In a final determined swipe with the sleeve the last tear was removed, and she sat up in the bed just as the door opened and Qui-Gon burst in.
"Tahl! What's wrong? You've been crying. What's happened?"
She almost had to smile by the anxious undertone in his voice.
"Nothing particular, apart from Healer Shan told me that I never will see again," she sighed, her voice still slightly trembling, but with a hint of determination.
"What? How can they know?" If the situation hadn't been so somber, the astonishment in Qui-Gon's voice would have been comic. "I'm sure there must be a specialist who can help you."
She shook her head and raised her chin. "No. There isn't. He said that they had done several scans and tests. My optical nerve is too damaged. I just have to learn to live with it. I will learn to live with it."
"But…"
"No, Qui. No, buts. I will learn to live with this, and don't pity me. Whatever you do, don't do that. I need encouragement, I may even need some help until I adapt, but I don't need your pity. It will be hard enough to accept it and release my feelings into the Force without you clucking around like a mother hen."
"I'm not clucking!" Qui-Gon's indignation shone clearly through his voice.
"You were about to do it. That's nearly as bad."
Then, with a softer voice she added: "I really appreciate your concern, Qui, but since this is going to be my life from now on, I intend to adapt the best I can. And for doing that I need support until I learn to handle things on my own."
He nodded, and immediately realized his mistake.
"Yes, ma'am," he sighed.
….
The next day she was allowed to try to stand up. The needles were removed from her arm and Healer Shan was present when she carefully set her bare feet on the floor. During her captivity she had tried to keep her body in shape as good as possible in case a chance for escape should turn up so she realized that her legs actually were able to carry her weight. She was just a little wobbly,
"Take my arm and walk around the room," Shan offered.
"Thanks," she said, and immediately punched his ribs.
"Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't see your arm."
"My failure, I should have guided your arm," he corrected kindly.
Walking was easy, at least as long as she had the healer's supporting arm. They made a full circle in the room and returned to the bedside.
"Good," Healer Shan concluded. "Now you may try to take some steps without me. I will be here all the time. There is open space in the direction perpendicular to your bed so there's nothing you can stumble in."
Tahl nodded in silent agreement. She would have to learn to move on her own, so she had better start practicing now.
"One, two, three, four, five…" she counted. If she weren't to hit her knees or shins in the bed when she returned she'd better find a way to control the distance. She could walk all right but she felt slightly…unstable, as if her body was trying to pull her to one or the other side. Weird. She turned around and began her short detour."
"One, two, three, four, fi…ow! What was that?" carefully she felt in front of her and the square corners of the bed stand could easily be recognized. Force, the little toe she had stubbed in one of the bed stand's foot hurt.
Note to self, do not walk barefoot in an unknown environment.
"I'm sorry, I was distracted by a message on my comm for a moment," the healer apologized.
"Don't worry, I just stubbed both my toe and my pride," she sighed, "but else I'm OK."
"When you get a little more practice in walking around, we'll give you a stick so you can feel any hindrances ahead of you. That may help. In due time you may get a robot who can help you navigate," he assured her.
If she'd been able to see she would have looked at him in horror. Under the circumstances she had to restrain herself to narrow her eyes slightly. No way she was going to walk around with a meddling robot in tow. A walking stick might come in handy, though. At least in the beginning.
"When will I be able to go back to my quarters?" she asked while sitting down on the bed and carefully rubbing the sore toe. "At least I know my quarters so I believe I will be able to move around more freely there."
The healer sighed, obviously not ready to let his prey off the hook.
"Well, it depends. Except for your blindness there isn't anything wrong with you that regular food and light exercise won't heal. Basically you need to recover for some weeks and learn how to had some infections but we managed to cure them with bacta patches from the outside and intravenous fluids from the inside while you were unconscious so from a medical point of view you are healthy enough to go home. The problem will be the navigation. I assume you will not cook your meals by yourself yet so you have to manage to get to the refectory and back, and to get your food while you're there."
"I see," Tahl copied the healer's sigh. This was becoming increasingly annoying by the moment. She had certainly not foreseen that getting food would be a problem.
"But maybe… " the healer continued, "maybe you can have some food for the first meal brought to your apartment so you can make your own meal when you get up, and then later on you may have someone following you to the refectory when it's time for mid day meal. I'm sure your friend Jinn will be able to help you at least for some days, and then….there is an initiate who is particularly interested in the arts of healing. Maybe she would follow you if Jinn is unavailable."
"Who is this initiate? Maybe I know her?"
"It's a Mon Calamari girl named Bant Eerin."
"Oh, I know her a little. She's one of Obi-Wan's friends."
An uncomfortable silence followed.
"Uh, yes, I believe she is," the healer confirmed and changed topic abruptly. "If you stay overnight we can 'release' you tomorrow if that is what you want and if Initiate Eerin is willing to help. You can always come back for a period of time if it doesn't work."
