Washington, D.C.
Navy Yard, NCIS headquarters
Sometime during Season Five of NCIS
It is a sultry Sunday in the city. The hot, humid sunny day made for a miserable experience in the outdoors of the urban jungle, but it was even worse at Headquarters, because the air conditioning was out.
The team was literally begging for a case, as they were figuratively chained to their desks working on cold cases, except for the French Polynesian necrophiliac Pimmy Jalmer, who had taken refuge in the freezer of the medical examiner's room, where the 32-degree temperature nicely offset the seemingly 110 degree, 100 percent humid temperatures in the rest of the building-
"OWWWWW!...Ziva! What'd you hit me with that for?"
Special Agent Tony DiNozzo picked up the half-eaten apple off the floor that hit him in the head and fell to the floor next to his chair.
He rubbed the spot on his head where the apple hit, then picked up the apple and looked right at the person who threw it: Ziva David, Mossad Liaison Officer to NCIS.
"Why'd you throw this apple at me?" Tony whined. "Trying to show me another way you could kill me?"
"I would not waste an apple on killing you, Tony," Ziva answered. "I did not want to hear you babble on any longer."
"Babbling?" Tony said. "I wasn't babbling, Ziva. I was reading a 'masterpiece' of fiction based on a certain author you and I know well. A world-famous author we work with, rocketing to fame on the strength of one and so far only one novel."
Tony was referring to Deep Six, a novel written by his and Ziva's fellow agent, Tim McGee, under the pen name Thom E. Gemcity.
"Do you mean to tell me," said Ziva, "that McGee has written another book? Or that, in reality, you have finished your report for Director Shepard, the one you promised to have on her desk two weeks ago?"
"I'm working on that," Tony replied, annoyed at Ziva's reminder. Tony had promised Jenny he'd finish his report on the case the Major Case Response Team worked on with a dead Marine found on the Potomac.
Other things got in Tony's way.
"You are cruising the web instead of finishing your report," Ziva said.
"Browsing the web," Tony replied, "and I am going to finish that report. Tonight."
"What is so important that you are reading out loud instead of doing your job," Ziva asked, getting up from her desk and walking over to Tony.
"Well, my Mossad-trained super ninja, I was doing a search, one thing led to another, and I came across what I thought was our own Mister Gemcity's newest work of literary excellence...if you can call it that."
Ziva looked over Tony's shoulder.
"What is this," Ziva asked.
"This," Tony said, "is the home page for fanwriters dot com, 'a community of writers creating stories based on their favorite television shows and characters, movies, comics, books and other fictional works.'"
"How many of these 'works' are on this website?"
"One seemingly for every television drama, sitcom, mystery show going back to the 50s," Tony replied. "Most movies, I assume all of the comic book characters, and a lot of novels including McGemcity."
"One book about us was enough, do you not agree?" Ziva said. "I know everyone wasn't happy with their portrayal by McGee."
"Like Palmer, whose alter-ego, 'Pimmy Jalmer' happens to be referenced in the second paragraph of this literary classic?" said Tony, glancing at the story he had tabbed back to on his screen. "'Dead Man Freezing: The New Continuing Adventures of L.J. Tibbs and his Team' by 'GothGirl Amy'."
"So McGee did not write this story?" Ziva asked.
"Nope," Tony replied. "There are 811 stories on this site under "Deep Six by Thom E. Gemcity'. I don't think he would have written any of them."
"McGee wanted recognition as a professional author."
"And to get paid. Most of these fanfiction authors are anonymous, writing under pseudonyms. He might have written one of these stories, Ziva, but I doubt it."
"You would think that McGee had put his writing career behind him," Ziva said.
McGee had been working on a second book, but the circumstances surrounding it ended his second career as an author.
A devoted fan - some would say fanatic - stole the ribbons for the typewriter McGee used to write the sequel, and took the information off them to commit two murders.
"He probably did put it behind him," Tony said. "As...scintillating as McGemcity's literary style was, some of these writers make him look like Kipling, or Poe, or Jack London. Take this story, for example."
Ziva read over Tony's shoulder. "The second paragraph, perhaps the longest run-on sentence in literary history, and for all I know could be par for the course in fanfiction," Tony said.
"Palmer did not like being referred to as a necromaniac if I remember correctly."
"Necrophiliac, Ziva," Tony corrected her. "He didn't like that at all. Neither did you like having your 'piercing eyes equalled only by the icicles in your heart'."
"Ah yes, I remember now," Ziva answered. "You weren't happy with your portrayal as 'a swashbuckling agent who drooled over females over the age of 18'...even if it is true."
"It's not." Tony quickly said. "I don't drool over women."
"Sure you don't," Ziva said, chuckling. "How does this story end?"
"Funny you should ask," Tony replied. "This story is 26 chapters long, the last one finished eight months ago. There's a note - as you see here - from the writer who said 'school's gotten in the way so I'll update when I can', and a second note stating that the author has lost interest in the story and if someone else wants to finish it they can."
"Who writes these fanfics? Children?" Ziva mused.
"Maybe," Tony said. "I looked at a few other stories. Some of them are-"
"Tony!"
He and Ziva looked up, seeing Director Shepard staring at them from the top of the stairs leading to her office and to MTAC.
"How's my report coming?"
"ItscomingjustfineDirector," Tony said, scrambling to find the document on his desktop that he created for his report.
"Will you have it for me by the time I leave?"
"Ah...yes ma'am," Tony said, pulling up the doc on his screen.
"Good," Shepard said. "I expect it in my inbox then."
She turned around, walking back to her office.
Fortunately for Tony, he had most of the report done; he needed only to hustle to catch up, and he sent the doc to Jenny's inbox before she was scheduled to leave for the day. Jenny only acknowledged the email in her reply, and left without saying a word to DiNozzo.
With the report out of his way, Tony went back to reading the Gemcity fanfic by 'GothGirl Amy'.
Ziva, having caught up on her own paperwork, was way ahead of Tony. She was browsing through the Gemcity/Deep Six section, with the subsections catching her interest.
Specifically, the various character pairings the stories were organized by.
"Tony."
"No, Ziva, I don't know where Gibbs and Fornell went to."
"Tony, I did not ask about Gibbs and Fornell."
"Then what did you ask about?"
"What are you doing?"
"Reading this classic by 'GothGirl Amy'. Check this out: McGee - er, MacGregor, is somewhere in Afghanistan, looking for L.J. Tibbs, who's been captured by terrorist insurgents."
"Which ones?"
"Never says, Ziva. Just 'terrorist insurgents'. Anyway. Tibbs is drinking bourbon to contain his awesomeness-"
"What?" Ziva said, then laughed. "Why would Gibbs-sorry, Tibbs-drink to contain his awesomeness?"
"Because of his awesomeness," Tony said. "Anyway, as I was saying, MacGregor organizes a super team made up of Tommy; Officer Lisa; Amy Sutton; and Pimmy Jalmer to find Tibbs before the mysterious insurgents can off him-"
"'Off'' him?"
"Yes, Officer Lisa. 'Off'' him."
"So, Special Agent Tommy, how does MacGregor get Tibbs out of his predicament and save his life from the terrorist insurgents?"
"Well," Tony said, "in two chapters that read like a cross between a Michael Bay film and a cacophony of misspelled words and misplaced adjectives and adverbs, MacGregor single-handedly kills all the terrorist insurgents and saves Tibbs, who thanks him by giving him the rest of his whiskey-"
"Wait, Tony. I thought you said it was bourbon."
"It was bourbon, and then it was whiskey. And, Zee-vah, Boss Tibbs also gives Special Agent Timothy E. MacGemcity a harem full of cheerleaders kidnapped from the Washington Football Players as a reward."
"He does, does he?" Ziva said, laughing. "What about Tommy?"
"Tommy is forgotten about after Thom E. Probie kicks down the wall separating himself from Tibbs," Tony said. "That's how you know it's an amateur work of fiction. Probie would have acknowledged Tommy's way with women, and had the cheerleaders surrounding him."
"Not according to some of these other stories," Ziva said, coyly.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Some of these stories feature pairings between the various characters of a romantic nature," Ziva said. "Many more, not so romantic."
"Okay," Tony said, looking at his own screen. "Here's Tommy/Lisa...here's one...Tommy and Lisa. 'Sitting in a Tree'"
"Oh?" Ziva said. "Do read."
"Alright," Tony said, pulling up the story.
Tommy and Lisa
Sitting in a Tree
F-
"...whoa whoa whoa-Ho-oly Triple X," Tony said. "Tommy and Lisa are apparently doing more than sitting in a tree."
Ziva found the story, called it up on her screen, and stopped midway through.
"Are you certain you did not write this...this...thing yourself?" Ziva said.
"I promise I didn't," Tony swore. "How many of these Lisa and Tommy stories are on this site?"
"One hundred and fifty six," Ziva answered. "Apparently, however, it is not the most popular pairing."
"And which pairing might that be," Tony said. "Special Agent Tommy and the Goth girl Amy? Officer Lisa and Special Agent MacProbie? Gemcity and Amy? How about...Lisa and L.J. Tibbs?"
"That would never be," Ziva said, briefly annoyed at Tony's implications, however jokingly he meant them.
Then she flashed a devilish grin.
"The most popular ship in the section-"
"Wait. Tommy's on a ship? With Officer Lisa?"
"No. A ship is when writers pair up two or more characters-"
"Hold that thought. I want to do a search. Making sure that you didn't just mispronounce an idiom like you always do...wait...here we go...fanfiction ship...'pairings of two or more characters from a work of fiction, in fanfic'. Way to go, Ziva. You got one right this time."
"Just wait until you discover which pairings has been shipped the most times," Ziva said, smiling.
"Okay...hold on...hey. HEY! No way...NO WAY."
"Yes, yes, yes!"
"No no no!"
"Yes...Special Agent Tommy and Special Agent MacGregor. Otherwise known as MacTommy."
"MacWHO?!"
Ziva giggled like a schoolgirl, while Tony sat, his jaw hanging open, looking through some of the numerous 'MacTommy' stories on that particular website.
"Here's one I like," Ziva said, suggestively. "Shall I read it to you?"
"I'd rather you-"
"Read it out loud? Thank you, I shall do so..."
Tommy had been chased by Officer Lisa, the object of her desire.
But she was not the object of his desire.
Only he knew how much he desired the tall, slender, masculine build of Special Agent MacGregor, the man he not only wanted to be like but be with. Forever. For eternity. To share their lives, their careers, and their love.
"Let me continue," Ziva said, scrolling down later into the story. "Here is where MacTommy consumates their relationship."
"That's okay, Ziva, I've heard enough," said Tony, who was looking around to make sure no one else was anywhere nearby to overhear.
"I haven't," Ziva replied. "Ah. Here we go."
Tommy and MacGregor looked deeply and passionately into each other's eyes, Tommy into MacGregor's big beautiful brown eyes, MacGregor into Tommy's gorgeous bright blue eyes.
They could no longer deny their love, their passion, their feelings. Tibbs' Rule 21 be damned! Their only rule was to be together, forever, never apart together forever...
Ziva laughed loudly, and nearly fell out of her chair.
"I'm glad that humors you," Tony said, with a smirk and his arms crossed.
"MacTommy got rock and rolled!" Ziva said, between laughs.
"Rock and rolled?" Tony said, confused, then realizing what Ziva meant, and got up to walk over to her desk.
"Together, forever, never apart-" Tony read, over Ziva's shoulder. "Ziva. You mean Rick-rolled. This...'writer'...copied the lyrics from a Rick Astley song to say something that strictly isn't true!"
"And how do you know this, 'Tommy'?" Ziva teased. "For that matter, how do I know that you don't have feelings for MacGregor, the two of you forever together, never apart..."
"I don't!" Tony swore. "I should sue these people-"
"Tony, relax," Ziva said, putting her hand on his arm to calm him down. "No one...thinks that you and McGee are...together forever. This is a fan of Deep Six writing his or her intepretation of a relationship between two of the characters. No one believes it to be the true characterization of Tommy or MacGregor. No one will certainly confuse you and McGee with 'MacTommy'."
"They better not," Tony said. "Let's see who wrote this piece of literary gold...ah. 'Amy MacGregor'. I wonder which frustrated writer 'ships' that?"
In another part of the building, in Forensics, Abby Sciuto had long finished her work for Gibbs and Ducky, and was finishing up on a more personal project she had recently taken up.
Abby wrote a 900-word chapter for a story on a website called Fanwriters, based on a book named Deep Six. The story was about two characters from the book, Special Agents Tommy and MacGregor, and their realization of their deep and passionate love for one another, cumulating in their marriage presided over by LJ Tibbs and honeymoon on the tropical island of Manlovia.
Her pen name was Amy MacGregor, and she meant this particular story as nothing more than a joke.
The pairing Abby really wanted to 'ship' was the subject of her upcoming 50-chapter, 50,000-word-plus epic: MacAmy, beginning with Special Agent MacGregor and Amy Sutton making passionate love in the coffin she keeps in the basement of her home...
