"He'll get over it!" Enjolras yelled angrily at his friends who were now muttering in disapproval. Yes, he had sent Grantaire home after the drunk obnoxiously disturbed his speech yet again. Yes, he had been rude and had spoken words he would regret in the morning. But Grantaire would go home, pass out, and come back just as drunk the following day-this was the dance they were interlocked in. Enjolras pushed the annoying tango from his mind and forced his thoughts back on the speech he was in the middle of delivering.
"Do not bother coming here if you are just going to be drunk"
"Enjolras-"
"I said don't winecask! I do not care for your drunken ramblings and neither does anybody else here! Go bury yourself in your damn bottle!"
"Enjolras-"
"Get out of my face you disgusting drunk. Can you not understand? Is your brain too diluted with wine? Nobody wants you here. Save yourself the embarrassment and leave. Don't bother coming back. You serve no purpose but to infuriate me. I do not care about you and your stupid bottle. Leave and don't come back. Ever."
Grantaire staggered home alone, forcing himself to swallow the tears. Before he started drinking Enjolras never noticed him, never spoke to him. It was when he transformed into the winecask that Enjolras suddenly found him worthy to talk to-even if it was only in anger. There had been many nights when Enjolras helped him home after a particularly bad night, although he was always able to feel the bitterness radiating off the man. But not tonight. Grantaire had pushed Enjolras too far-as if he were elastic, and the drunk finally pushed hard enough that the leader snapped.
Grantaire couldn't erase the words from his mind. He couldn't erase the anger in the leader's face, the fear behind his friends' eyes as the truth was unmasked for the drunk to see. Nobody wanted him there. But that was the only place Grantaire belonged-how could he simply pack up and leave? Nobody would accept him if even Jehan-the most accepting and understanding- did not want him there. Was there anywhere else to go? There was one place.
He entered his dirty apartment and didn't bother to lock the door-let thieves steal his possessions; they needed them more than he did now. He grabbed a new bottle and downed it quickly to attempt to dilute the pain that was nearly as thick as the wine that circulated through his body.
Enjolras didn't want him. The only person Grantaire trusted in despised him in return. Grantaire had tried. He had tried as hard as he could to be whatever it was Enjolras wanted him to be. But the fact was that Grantaire would never reach that level of perfection- Enjolras didn't want him at all. No matter how hard Grantaire tried he would always remain as the filth among Enjolras' loyal followers.
This was what hurt the most-the realization that he would never obtain what he wanted the most. It was a pain that scorched his skin without relent. He felt inhuman hands squeezing his heart, attempting to squeeze the life out of him..and why not? Was there a purpose to live without Enjolras? No. There never was and there never would be.
He clenched his eyes and forced another bottle down his dry throat. It wouldn't be enough-his body had too much resistance to the wine. With unfocused eyes he maneuvered to the kitchen and grabbed the sole knife he owned.
For Enjolras. So he wouldn't bother,annoy,aggravate,infuriate him anymore. Enjolras wants to be free of the winecask, and the winecask can't live without his sun. He would make a sacrifice for Apollo.
He gritted his teeth, the wine numbing most of the pain as he slid the knife hard against his wrist. Not enough. The slight pain that came through felt good. It reminded him of the pain Enjolras put him through on a daily basis. He grabbed the knife with trembling fingers and drew it from his right wrist to the elbow, the red a sign of his love for Apollo. He didn't want to die like this-they wouldn't know. He transferred the knife to his right,dominant hand and carved against his left forearm Sorry Apol . The pool of red surrounding him became too much, and his head fell back in defeat as he let death overcome him.
[Please read and review! May or may not continue]
