Eli's POV

My fingers were twitching, eager for my brain to send the command that would end a life. I gazed down impassively at the sleeping figure of Jake Martin. He exhaled, polluting another perfectly good amount of oxygen. He had stolen my love from me, he deserved to die. How long had they been together, since Jake came over to dinner with his dad? My twisted mind imagined Clare at the funeral, broken and sobbing. That part would hurt; I didn't want to hurt Clare. But there I would be, with open arms, ready to heal her.

I let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding. Moonlight streamed through the window and reflected off of the handgun. I stared at it, completely detached. I had bought it a few months ago, planning to use it for my suicide. But now, it would be much more useful. It was the best purchase of my life. It had all been too simple. Clare was sleeping over at Fiona's, Helen and Glen were on some romantic weekend getaway, and I was supposedly at an Escape the Fate concert. The cops would never suspect me. And, of course, little Jake Martin would be at home, defenseless as a burglar broke in. He wouldn't be found until tomorrow morning at the earliest. By Clare even?

I squeezed my eyes shut as my mind flooded with memories.

"Did you ever even love me at all?"

Of course, Clare. I'll always love you.

"You're suffocating me!"

Not this time, Blue Eyes. Not this time.

I couldn't do it. I couldn't hurt Clare this way. I could never kill a person who she loved. Shaking, I turned to leave the room. Every cell in my body was screaming at me to turn around, to put the gun up to Jake Martin's head. I paused with my hand on the door handle. I turned to look back. I couldn't do it. I left the house through the window in Clare's room, the same room I used to sneak into on weekends. The cold air bit into my skin as I walked through the empty streets. Clare had shattered my world. And yet here I was, crawling back to her every chance I got. Shouldn't all the bridges be burned at this point, Eli? Said the little voice in my head. I froze. A bridge. Of course. Not a gun, that would be to devastating. And my parents would have to identify my body-no. I started to run with a new purpose now. It felt as if a string was wrapped around me, and someone far away was pulling me, dragging me forward. This was what I needed. Clare was never coming back, she didn't love me. It's over. All of it, over. I'm over. Tears streamed down my face when I finally got to the bridge. It was empty, the flickering streetlamps illuminating my dark world. The only light I wanted-needed-was gone. I peered over the edge. I couldn't see the dark, churning water. But I could hear it. It would drag me down into the darkness, and soon I would never have to think of Clare Edwards again.

I pulled myself onto the railing, pulling myself up and then holding onto one of the suspensions. In tragic news today, the body of seventeen-year-old Eli Goldsworthy was pulled out of Crissolang River this morning. The Degrassi high school student was said to have become "emotionally detached" and "overly anxious" in recent months… The news would talk about me tomorrow, or maybe the day after. News would travel across Degrassi faster than a wildfire. Clare would hear about it, and try to act okay, like she didn't love me anyway. But she would break down. She would cry for me, those beautiful Blue Eyes would shed tears. She would finally be able to move on, to heal from me. I would never again be a constant reminder in the hallways.

"I love Clare Edwards!"

I squeezed my eyes shut. I would always love her. This was what was best for her, what was best for everyone. My parents would survive, somehow. And Clare would always hold a bittersweet memory of me for the rest of her life. I stiffened as the wind blew harder, and opened my eyes. I imagined Clare, blue eyes warm and wide, smiling. Her kisses, her touch, her laugh. I love you, Clare Edwards. I lifted my foot off of the railing just as a shrill voice rang out of the darkness. "Eli?"

Oh no. Not now. Not that perfect voice, not now. I licked my dry lips.

"Clare?"

A.N. A little different, I know. Tons of family probs going on guys, sorry I can't update as often. I have to upload my chapters on a different computer, so I have to keep going over to people's houses to update. Five reviews to update! JUST FIVE! I f you read this, just type two words into the reviews, and it will count. Just five!