Brandon stared at the rippling waves. The water splashed between his toes, warm and refreshing. He wished, for a brief moment, he could be swept away with the current.
The wedding he had been planning for weeks was slipping between his fingers. All he could think about was the prenup, the pursed lips of Eliza's parents at anything his family did, and Eliza's questions about Callie. Brandon had yet to figure out how she knew about the latter - a piece of his past he had tucked away. Not out of shame - rather out of pretending his feelings would neutralize. Disappear. Become the memory everyone wanted them to be.
And yet, as he prepared for his wedding, he couldn't stop wondering what would have happened if his and Callie's fate were different. He'd never deny her as his best friend, but he could also never say she was only that.
He wondered why the universe always had such terrible timing, why it anchored itself and tugged him under. Breaking his hand, learning how to play again, losing Callie, getting Julliard taken away from him, Grace's death. Eliza had come into his life at a time when he didn't believe he could love again. He had spent his heart.
With each date, he felt a beating beneath his bones and warmth return to his skin. It wasn't the end of him. He would survive grief's trap. Did these feelings still exist? Yes - except not in his future.
How could he live with a family who would think less of him for being an artist?
How could he live with a family who could never understand the beautiful, yet untraditional family he came from?
How could he live with a family who was already preparing for their marriage to fail?
How could he live with a wife who'd never say otherwise? It was possible she felt that way too.
Brandon released a slow breath through his teeth. He had less than twenty four hours to decide and none of his choices were easy. His fingers twitched for the keyboard laid on a towel beside him. If all else failed, he had music.
He picked up his instrument and let his fingers do the work, effortlessly falling into a rhythm. His problems slowly eased off his shoulders. The knot in his throat loosened. He closed his eyes and like a bird, took flight.
"If your footprints didn't give you away, the music definitely does."
Brandon stopped and glanced up at Callie. A smile rose on his lips. "What can I say? I'm a bit predictable."
Callie lowered onto the sand, tucking the bottom of her white dress beneath her legs. "To me, always. To everyone else, not so much."
"Seems to be our thing," he said, resting his keyboard in his lap.
"Are you going to tell me why the groom is missing from his obviously well planned bachelor party?"
Brandon couldn't help but chuckle at Jesus's, Jude's, and Eliza's brothers' attempts at a party. It ended in unsuccessful air hockey and too much alcohol. "I needed to...get away."
"Are you nervous about tomorrow?"
"It's a bit more than nerves."
Callie scooted closer to Brandon, her face contorted in its familiar mask of worry. But behind every one of those masks was a brain ready to pick up the pieces. Callie was brilliant almost to a fault and passionate like Brandon was for music. "You're worried about Eliza and her family."
"Yeah, that's definitely part of it. With Eliza's family I need to be the perfect husband. I have to provide and have kids and be not who I am but who they want me to be. I...I don't know if I can do it." It always surprised Brandon how he never hid his fears from Callie and even if he wanted to, they revealed themselves anyways.
"Brandon, who you are, who you've grown up to be is a beautiful thing and if Eliza and her family can't see that, they don't deserve you." She extended her hand towards his, lacing their fingers together. "You have so much love in your heart Brandon and Eliza is lucky to get it."
His eyes drifted to Callie's hand, the way it made him feel safe, the way it would protect him even if the world decided to collapse in this moment. "What if the marriage doesn't work?"
"You do what you always do, Brandon, get back up. I'd rather not see you hurt, but if that's what happens, you'll always have me. Moms. We'd never leave you on your own."
Brandon knew this. For every storm that blew through their home, someone was there to guide him. Whether he felt like talking, whether he was scared, whether his whole heart hurt. He loved his family for that. He loved Callie for that. The thought came to an abrupt halt in his brain.
Love. It never did go away.
"You know," he whispered softly, carefully, almost as if the truth might shatter him. "You're still the person I trust most in this world."
Callie's lips twitched and Brandon thought she'd let go of his hand – add space between them. She didn't. Instead, she levelled her eyes with his. "Ditto."
It was such a simple response, but conflict brewed in her. Brandon allowed the silence to grow until he couldn't take it anymore. He slid his hand to the small of her back, beckoning her forward with the slightest bit of pressure.
"Brandon." Her breath hitched in her chest.
A shiver ran up Brandon's spine. He hadn't heard his name like that in a long time. They had played too many games. Their lives were no longer dependent on anyone else. They could have this.
"Callie," he echoed.
Like a wave crashing against the shore, Callie pressed her lips against his. Goose bumps erupted on his flesh. The feelings he had locked down for the sake of himself, his family, came rushing to the forefront. His hands eagerly grasped onto Callie's hips as she straddled his lap. He got lost in the scent of her – the salt from the sea and vanilla shampoo. He got lost in the softness of her mouth, the way she kissed him as if they had no time at all.
He couldn't deal with losing her again.
He couldn't deal with a life where he always longed for her.
Brandon fell back on the sand, his fingers slipping under Callie's dress, yearning to be as close as possible.
Her mouth moved to his neck, feather like kisses that drew out sighs and murmurs of her name.
They continued that way for what felt like hours until they both pulled away with swollen lips and flushed cheeks.
"I wish I could have done that sooner," Brandon admitted, still in a daze, his heart beating like a hummingbird's wings.
"Me too." Callie cupped his cheek, her thumb stroking his skin. "It never went away, did it?"
"No. Even though I tried to convince myself otherwise, I always missed you, us."
"You weren't the only one. When we were teenagers, I needed to put mine and Jude's adoption first and get my life together. It was the only real shot I had. Giving you up was one of the hardest things I've ever done."
"I know."
"I thought maybe one day, it would get easier. Sometimes, it was. Other times, being around you was like drowning."
Brandon understood the desperation that would wrap around his lungs, how being best friends was good, but crackles of desire lingered underneath. Part of him was glad to not have suffered alone. The other part hated that Callie had.
"I can't tell you what to do Brandon and I don't want to ruin your wedding–"
"Callie, you– "
"Let me finish, Brandon. I don't want to ruin your wedding, but I need you to know how I feel and that even if you don't choose us, I will always be in your life."
"You mean that?"
She fixed him with a playful glare. "When do I say anything I don't mean, especially when it comes to you?"
He responded by kissing her – soft and slow and with a promise. "I love you, Callie."
"I love you, Brandon."
