This is my first Zemyx fic, I hope you like it!
This is un-beta'd, so please over look any mistakes I've made.
O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O
I layed on my bed and stared at my ceiling, like I have been every night, for as long as I can remember.
Normally my room was neat and organized, but after the mental breakdown I suffered, my room has been a mess. My bed wasn't made, I had books and papers thrown everywhere. It was a disaster.
But who cares?
It was so dark you couldn't see anything anyways. And it wasn't like anyone would come in my room and see it.
No one was looking for me.
Nobody needed me for anything.
So I just layed on my fluffy pile of sheets and blankets.
I don't remember the last time I saw anyone…
What day is it?
How long have I been in here? I ask myself these questions, but it doesn't really matter.
They don't motivate me to move, or get up. They don't inspire me to go out and do something with my life. In fact, they might even worsen my motivation…But how could it? I have no motivation to start with.
Some days I feel lonely, but then I get tired and forget I even felt anything. I have read that this kind of behavior is known as "depression", but I don't really care. It should make me feel better, knowing I can diagnose myself, but it doesn't.
I have spent so much time laying on my bed in the dark. My thoughts have raced for days and days and maybe even weeks, who knows?
And what do I have to show for it?
Nothing.
The only thing I have done is successfully diagnose myself with "Heartbreak".
It is literally impossible, I know, because I don't have a heart. But you see, that's where we're all wrong. Hearts are just a figure of our imagination. We think we need them to live, but we don't. They just cloud our judgment.
We don't need hearts to feel.
Without a heart I have still managed to feel sadness, loss, emptiness, happiness, and anger…
And even love…
I close my eyes for a brief moment and take in a deep breath.
I feel my chest moving up and down as air floods my lungs.
My window is open and I can feel the cold night breeze flow past my curtains. It's like this every night. Peaceful and quiet.
Everyone is asleep except me.
I don't quite remember the last time I slept. It suppose it was a long time ago…back before my every thought was about him. For a time, I actually forgot what sleep was, and that it actually existed.
Now I spend every waking moment thinking about him.
About how I feel about him…
I don't quite know when I realized how I felt, I just knew I did.
What was it they said?
'You'll always fall for your bestfriend'?
Well, I guess I did.
I felt like a love-struck teenager…
Maybe that's because I was.
I felt pathetic. I couldn't quite identify why, but I know it is how I'm feeling.
I sat up and scooted my back against the wall. I sat so my legs were crossed. I took my pillow and put it in my lap. I held it close to me and put my face in it's soft cushion. Before I knew it, tears were sliding down my face worse than a waterfall. I couldn't help myself. I couldn't keep my mind from drifting. I continued to think about him.
Was it wrong?
Was it wrong to think about him this much?
I couldn't help it.
I thought about the way he laughed,
the way he talked.
I loved how he'd ramble
and it would make me giggle.
I loved his smile
and his ability to make me feel like I meant something,
even if it was just for a while.
I love the way he looks at me
and it gives me butterflies every single time.
I hated how easily it was to fall in love with him.
I hated knowing I could never have him.
I hated how scared I was to be in love.
I hated it…
I love how he makes me feel like I have a heart…
But I hate being scared of how fast he could break it…
Or has he already?
I sobbed into my pillow some more.
Do you ever have those days where you experience something amazing and get a weird feeling and then dwell on it all day and your thoughts go in circles, even though you don't even know what you're thinking about?
I've been feeling like for a while now and it's kept me from sleeping.
I've been trying to figure out what it means, but I've had no luck.
I blame it on love…
Have you ever felt like you need to cry? Like you've been bottling something up inside, but you don't know what?
You know the feeling you have when you're done crying?
How your whole body feels relieved?
How you feel better?
It's because you let out so many emotions…
Well, when I'm done crying...I still feel like I did before...I still feel like there's something inside me that's dying to get out.
I don't understand it…
I am so conflicted right now…
I feel like I'm falling apart and I don't know what to do…
I've never felt quite like this before.
I don't know what it means but I don't think I can handle it much longer…
I feel like I'm going insane…
I'm ready to just break.
Or maybe I've already broken...
Once my breath returns to normal and the tears slowly dry on my cheeks, I lay back down.
Suddenly I was given something I had been longing for…
I silently fell into what seemed the deepest of all slumbers…
o.o.o.o.o.o
I suddenly felt a cool breeze on my cheeks. I opened my eyes. I looked around and watched the snow fall around me.
Where am I?
How did I get here?
I watched the snow spiral to the ground.
I was on a sidewalk, but didn't quite know where.
Did it matter?
I walked down the road, seeing as how I didn't have anything else better to do. It was the first time I had been out of my dark room in a long time. Even though it was dark, it was lighter than my room, so having the beautiful stars shine down on me almost hurt my eyes.
It was quiet.
There was no one else around.
Crunch crunch crunch.
I heard strange crunching noises coming from behind me.
The crunching noise reminds me of what it sounds like when someone steps on snow.
Could it be someone running?
Why would anyone be running?
I turn around slowly and suddenly crash into a person, sending us both to the ground.
I am now slowly getting wet from the snow, and I am trapped in between the wet ground and a person.
I open my eyes, still dizzy from the fall, and begin to piece together who the fuzzy image of the person in front of me is.
"Oh Zexy! I'm so glad you're alright! I missed you so much! You had me so worried!" And then I felt the warmth of their lips on mine.
My eyes shot open.
Who was this stranger who was randomly kissing me?
How did they know my name?
Why do their lips feel so familiar…?
The kiss tingled a little because both our lips were cold.
The sudden heat felt nice…
Before I knew it, the kiss was over and I was gasping for breath.
My head was almost clear now.
I could see blonde hair…
Blue eyes…
Definitely taller than I was.
Wait a second…
"Demyx?" I say outloud. My voice cracks a little, but he manages to hear me.
His arms wrap around my waist as he pulls me off the ground and into the tightest hug I've ever felt.
I can feel the tears running down his cheeks.
"Yes, Zexy, It's me." I feel him smile. "And there's something very important I need to tell you."
His breath tickles me as he speaks.
He leaned in close and whispered; "I love you."
What?
Did I hear that right?
Demyx loves me?
A tear of my own runs down my face as I hug him tight.
Finally…
He was finally mine…
Suddenly I heard a loud pounding noise.
It was annoying.
I closed my eyes and tried to ignore it.
I tried to focus on holding my Demyx.
I hear it again.
I'm starting to get frustrated and I begin to loosen my grip on Demyx.
Then I open my eyes.
I open my eyes and look around.
It was dark.
Realization hit me…
Hit me hard…
It was just a dream…
Demyx didn't love me…
Demyx wasn't mine…
I knew it was too good to be true…
I hear the pounding noise again.
Someone's knocking at my door.
Who could it be?
I get up, walk through the mess of books and other various items and open my door.
Guess who it is?
"Hey Zexy…"
"Hi Demyx." For some reason, he was looking at the floor.
"Are you doing okay?" He asked, finally looking at me.
"I'm fine." I lied.
"Were you crying?" He asks with a confused look on his face.
I lift my hand up to feel my face. Wet tears were on my cheeks. "I…um…Yeah." I must have been crying in my sleep.
"Why? Is everything alright?" He asked.
"Fine. Couldn't be better." I said sarcasticly.
There was a brief pause.
"Zexion," He used my full name. He was serious. "there's something I need to tell you."
Butterflies flooded my stomach.
My heart was beating out of my chest.
I think I might be sick.
"What is it, Demyx?" I was trying not to let my emotions show.
There was no possible way he was going to admit his undying love for me.
Why am I getting my hopes up?
He doesn't love me.
Demyx leaned in real close and his breath tickled my ear.
He didn't say anything, and then…
And then he whispered; "I love you."
A tear streaked down my face.
"I love you too, Demyx." I said, almost coldly. "You're my bestfriend."
Demyx noticed my tear and wiped it away with his thumb.
"M-more than a friend…" He muttered.
"Demyx…" I started. I put my arms around his neck in a tight hug. "I'll be yours, if you'll be mine?"
He giggled "Deal."
It was so surreal…
How could this be happening?
Was this for real?
I bit my lip to make sure I wasn't dreaming…
And I wasn't.
I smiled at that…
I hugged him tighter. "Make me a promise?"
"Anything" He replied happily.
Another tear made its way down my face…but this time it was a tear of joy.
"Don't ever leave me. Don't ever let me go."
Demyx smiled and held me closer. "Promise."
