A/N: I go this idea while cleaning the tea brewer at McDonald's, where I work. I oh so love this pairing, and could never stop writing fanfiction for them. Yay for UlquiHime-ness! "Speaking" and 'thinking' and all that jazz. Anyway, this story is going to be kinda conflicting in themes. It's both dark and humorous with fluffy elements thrown in too. I need sleep _

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach. Or McDonald's.

An Espada Called Cute

There were few things that annoyed Ulquiorra as much as the word cute. Even as he thought about it, his ivory nose wrinkled in disdain. He sat at the small table that had been given to Inoue so she could eat her meals, his fingers sprawled out like spiders across the wooden surface. She had finished eating long ago, but the two still sat across from one another. Orihime was chatting rapidly about the stuffed bear collection she had back home. Though he feigned attention, inside Ulquiorra felt like he had died again.

'How can she find these toys so amusing?'

He thought with disgust, resisting the urge to flinch as she once again exclaimed how cute her animal friends were. She described everything with that single word; the small, worthless creatures that crawled outside her window were cute. Once she had inquired if there were any young arrancar, adding that even in that state the children would be cute. There had been the time she had made the mistake of calling the way he and Grimmjow bickered cute; Ulquiorra had been quick to state that he disliked being brought down to the same level as the other thing she called cute and that she had better not ever call him that again.

"Ulquiorra?"

Her voice rippled through his thoughts; his eyes immediately darted back to her, his expression blank. Her smile had slipped away when she realized he hadn't been listening after all. He dropped his emerald orbs, the slightest twinge of guilt poking at his gut.

"I'm sorry if I was boring you!"

Orihime fell silent, embarrassed at her ramblings. The silence lingered as neither moved to break it. She didn't mind though; they had spent enough time together for her to know that he enjoyed the quiet. Her eyes peeked up to see what he was doing, and to her surprise she found he was looking her way, watching her. Her face reddened under his curious gaze as she offered a hesitant smile. Ulquiorra looked like he was going to say something, but instead he rose to his feet. Orihime's heart dropped; she hated when he left her alone in the dark room. Without thinking, her hand shot out, fingertips brushing against his strangely manicured tips. His orbs widened slightly as he glanced at their touch.

"I… I'm sorry…"

Orihime repeated, letting her hand flop back down on top the table. Her blush had darkened, a fact Ulquiorra was not ignorant of. He would never admit it, but he rather enjoyed making her cheeks turn red. It both amused and amazed him that he could have such an effect over the human. Did she really not want him to leave her?

"I will return shortly, Woman. Aizen-sama is holding a meeting for all Espada,"

He told her, noticing the way her face hardened at the sound of that name. He chose not to inquire about it, deciding it was counterproductive to argue with her. She didn't see Aizen in the same light as he did. He would die to protect the ex-shinigami and everything he stood for, which included her temporary protection, whether she liked it or not.

Orihime's grey eyes bore into the fourth Espada's ashen colored coat as he departed. She hoped he was right, and that the meeting would end soon. Being alone in her room for too long made her head hurt; the bleak desolation of the empty space threatened to suffocate her. The despair she felt when she stared out the sole window was like a monster of inky shadows that tried to swallow her whole and drown her in self-pity and sorrow.

"What to do to pass the time? I know! I'll name each of my favorite foods!"

Orihime sprawled out on her bed, lying on her stomach so she could press her face into her pillow. With a smile on her lips she started going through a mental list of the foods she loved to eat, most of them including ketchup, beans, and artichokes. Her eyes closed as her heart skipped a beat; she was beginning to feel home sick. Oh, to be asleep in her own bed back in Karakura Town! To be eating those foods with Tatsuki and Rukia and all her other friends! It was too much for her fragile heart. Orihime buried her face into the feathery surface of her pillow and fought back tears. She was so lost in her own memories of the life she had been forced to leave that she didn't hear the soft clicking of her door opening wide. Or the feet that strutted across the floor and crept up behind her.

"Oh, the poor princess is sad! Everybody better stop what they're doing and rush to help her!"

A feminine voice sneered. Orihime's eyes shot open with fear; she knew exactly who had come into her room. The frightening duo who had made it their mission to torture her every chance they got. It had been awhile since they last snuck in and raised hell, but thankfully the damage had been minimal. Most of the cuts and bruises she received were healed and gone before Ulquiorra or anyone else was any the wiser. They had threatened to kill her if she dared tell her captor what happened.

"O-Ouch!"

Orihime was yanked onto all fours by her long hair; Menoly laughed and tightened her grip, pulling the orange strands out by the roots. Loly leaned in and mimicked the human's pitiful whimpers before caressing Orihime's cheek with her finger.

"Did you miss us, you stuck up little brat? Don't you worry, we'll make up for it!"

Menoly pulled harder on Orihime's hair as Loly threw a punch at her stomach. They taunted her while they beat her, but as always Orihime refused to raise a hand to these girls. She pitied them for their jealousy and childish anger. Whenever they did this to her, Orihime would send a prayer for them instead of fighting them. Despite the fact they would beat her until she cried, until she was begging for her life, Orihime Inoue didn't have the will to inflict harm on the two arrancar.

"I know a game that'll be fun!"

Loly cracked her bloody knuckles, worn raw from pounding on flesh. Menoly grabbed Orihime's arms and held them behind her back. She was holding Orihime up, as the human was having trouble standing. Her face was swollen and looked purple from all the bruising. Blood dripped from the corner of her mouth, staining the front of Orihime's once white uniform.

"You think you're better than anyone and that you can get anything you want, just because you have Lord Aizen and Ulquiorra wrapped around your pathetic little finger! Well, we all know you have a thing for Ulquiorra. You're going to admit you love him and that you don't deserve him, or else I'm going to slice you into little pieces!"

Loly held up a sharp knife and waved it in Orihime's direction.

~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~

Ulquiorra's chalk white hands slipped into his pockets as he stood up. The meeting was over; though it had taken longer than expected, much had been discussed, and he felt it was successful. His mind wandered back to the orange haired girl who was waiting for him; he couldn't help but remember the way she had reached out to him. Her eyes had called to him, begging for him to stay. He couldn't shake the strange feeling that crept into his stomach every time he thought about her.

'I will never understand that woman. She is… different, then the rest of her kind,'

Ulquiorra played with that thought as he left, allowing his feet to wander on their own. He knew the path to her chambers like the back of his hand; no amount of winding stairs or twists or turns could throw him. It wouldn't take long before he would be in her presence once more. It seemed urgent that he return to her; something in the corner of his mind nagged him to hurry, to relieve her of her loneliness. That in itself was as confusing as it had been from the beginning; nothing about him was charming. He was not friendly, he did not smile. At first he hadn't even spoken to her, save the command to eat. Gradually, however, something had shifted between them. She had begun asking him questions, telling fairytales and stories. And, after some time, he had found himself listening. Orihime Inoue was no longer just the prisoner Aizen wanted him to watch over. She was…

"If you don't SAY it, I'll CUT the words out of your dirty mouth!"

Ulquiorra froze outside Orihime's room, his hand already half way to the door. His body tensed as he listened to the sounds inside. He was so taken back by what he heard he forgot to burst the door down.

~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~

"P-P…Please… stop…!"

Orihime begged as she sobbed, her salty tears mingling with the blood on her cheeks. The female arrancars laughed and screamed insults at her. The only way to make them stop, they grinned sadistically, was for her to confess her love.

"I don't love him!"

Orihime gritted her teeth as Loly slapped her across the face.

"Liar! You're going to tell us all about what scum you are, and why you'll never be good enough for him! If you don't SAY it, I'll CUT the words out of your dirty mouth!"

She spat at Orihime's feet and edged closer with the knife. Her eyes trailed to the long tresses of orange locks that cascaded down the human's back. Menoly smirked and grabbed a fistful, offering it out to Loly.

"Tell me you think Ulquiorra Cifer is cute or I'll cut off all that hair!"

Loly laughed at the terrified look on Orihime's face. She couldn't cut her hair! She had grown it out as a promise to Sora! Orihime hung her head, catching her breath as a series of sobs caught in her chest. She gulped them down and steadied herself. With a deep but shaky breath, Orihime raised her eyes and stared directly into Loly's.

"Ulquiorra… has become precious to me. I was never afraid of him. Even in the beginning, he was more intriguing than frightening. He comes to my room and stays with me, talks with me. I can tell him about the World of the Living, about my best friend Tastuki, and even though I know he doesn't have any interest in these things, he still pretends to care. He keeps me company and isn't afraid of anything. Ulquiorra is one of the bravest people I know! He's strong and can think through any situation calmly-"

"Enough of this pathetic worshiping of that calloused Espada! Tell us why you don't deserve him!"

Menoly shook Orihime's head from side to side by the fistful of hair she still held between her fingers.

"I-I… am just a weak human… Ulquiorra could be doing much more important tasks, but is instead stuck babysitting me… he thinks human beings are trash and should be tossed aside as such. He probably hates my very existence!"

Orihime felt her lips quiver as she hung her head. Her tormentors were enjoying every moment of her pain, but it was hurting more than they could ever imagine. She didn't love Ulquiorra, but… they had grown so close. She really did consider him as a precious person. It made her heart split in half to have to confess that she was nothing to him, just an annoyance he was forced to tolerate.

"You're so dumb, you know that? Let's cut off her hair anyway!"

There was a loud crash as the air filled with dust. The door had been broken off its hinges and took part of the wall with it. Loly and Menoly covered their faces, shouting something unheard. Orihime dared to look up, barely able to see from the mixture of blood, tears, and swelling of her face. The slender outline of Ulquiorra walked forward, his finger outstretched. There was a violent shaking in the air; his spiritual pressure was crushing them all.

"What in the name of Lord Aizen do you two think you are doing?"

His voice was ice cold but still managed to hold the heat of his anger. His eyes gleamed like the devil's as he towered over the lower ranked arrancars, who were shaking with horror. He reached out with both his hands and grabbed the girls by their necks, lifting them into the air. Orihime fell down on her rear, rigid with fear. Usually he was calm, collected, and apathetic. But hearing Orihime's sobs had awoken a roaring beast in his empty chest; he was feeling something strange. Something dark.

"U-Ulquiorra…?"

Orihime whispered, shaking. He turned in her direction, his hold on Menoly and Loly tightening.

"P-Please… stop…! Let them… go…!"

She begged him, shutting her eyes as tears continued falling. Ulquiorra closed his own eyes, tossing the two arrancars to the ground. Gasping for air, Loly and Menoly scramped to escape, fleeing as quickly as they had come. The air began to still, an eerie silence taking place. Ulquiorra couldn't bear to look at the girl at his feet. Her quiet tears were talk enough; surely she was afraid of him now. He had heard every word of what Orihime had said to Loly and Menoly. She said she had never been afraid of him… until now.

"…"

Orihime slowly stood up, her legs shaking. She took a hesitant step forward but didn't have the strength to stand. Before she hit the ground, a pale pair of arms reached out and caught her, pulling her up against his hardened chest. Orihime looked up into the emerald eyes of the fourth Espada the best she could, struggling to breathe.

"Thank you…!"

Orihime wrapped her arms around him and hugged him tightly. It was a simple act of gratitude, but she hoped the awkward touching wouldn't upset him. Ulquiorra watched her with evident curiosity, although there was something else lurking in his orbs. A masked emotion that she didn't think he was even aware of.

"Woman… what you said… was it all true?"

Ulquiorra asked, unsure of what those words even meant. Orihime felt a blush creeping onto her face as she slowly nodded her response. He wondered at her; she had taken such a beating and hadn't bothered to protect herself. His finger slowly stroked her swollen cheek; it felt so different from when Loly had done the same thing. His gesture was softer, as if he was checking to see if she was okay.

"Look at what they did to you..."

Ulquiorra muttered with disapproved anger. Orihime smiled the best she could, shaking her head.

"Don't be upset, Ulquiorra. I'll heal myself up in no time!"

She frowned at the look on his face. Was she mistaken, or did his arms tighten around her?

"You have suffered tonight, and they will not go unpunished. For now, you need to rest,"

Ulquiorra gently swept her off her feet, holding her in his arms as he carried her to her bed. Orihime blushed darkly and tried to ask him to put her down, but his movements were swift and before she could offer much of a protest he had laid her down. Her hand reached up and held his, their fingers not just brushing this time but actually intertwining.

"Woman, you should know that you are mistaken,"

Ulquiorra told her, making no move to let her hand go. Orihime cocked her head, not understanding.

"I do not hate your existence,"

Orihime blinked a few times, his words registering in her head.

"Why are you not afraid of me?"

He asked, curious to hear her answer. She had seen his calloused nature; had she not begged for mercy on their behalf, he would have killed Loly and Menoly in a heartbeat. Yet here she was, clinging to him, still wanting him to stay by her side. Orihime felt tears well up in her eyes again.

"Because Ulquiorra… you're too cute to be scary,"

She was teasing him, but the joke was lost as he tried to understand this strange human girl and the things she made him do. The confusing fluttering in his stomach that only inflicted him when she was near. The way her gentle voice and soft smile could make him feel more accomplished than anything else. If it made her happy… then maybe being called cute wasn't the worst thing in the world.

A/N: Ugh… I was pumped to write this, but… I feel like it's crap. Oh well, I spent long enough working on it, I might as well post it Dx