Hello my wonderful readers!
This three-shot or four-shot is the reason for my lack of updates. Whenever I was/am(depends?) on the computer, I'd open up all my pending chapters and I'd spend like 80% of the time writing this.
This song is one of my absolutely favorite songs from one of my favorite artists, so of course, I needed to do a song-fic for McKono on them.
While searching Youtube, I saw that someone had made a "What about now?" McKono style video! You guys have no clue how happy I was to see a song-video of McKono using that song.
So the ultimate inspiration that pushed me to write this came from that video. The video-author of the video was Kether12.
I have no clue how many times I re-wrote this chapter(well part?) because I didn't like but after a while I decided that if I continued to rewrite it then it would never get done or posted.
Some stuff to know:
-Steve and Kono are married
-Danny and Rachel are married
-Steve left to find Shelbourne and for other reasons, explained.
For the sake of this story, the finale never happened but Steve did go and search for Shelbourne and find Shelbourne.
Disclaimer: I don't own Hawaii Five-0
Spelling and Grammar mistakes are all mine.
This turned out better in my mind but whatever.
Shadows fill an empty heart
As love is fading
Glancing down at the name, he quickly hit reject once again, wanting nothing more then to avoid another fight. Knowing Kono as well as he did, he knew he would be in trouble when he got home. The note he had left probably didn't do much besides anger her more.
He had tried. He had tried to save what was left of their marriage and had failed. They had tried counseling and therapy. Both failed miserably. He didn't know what else to do since with each passing day, their hatred for each-other grew. With each passing day it seemed their love continues to fade and that worried him. As much as he tried to hold onto those memories of them before the fighting, he can't help but sense the emptiness in his heart every time one of them walks out from the fighting. Sometimes he wondered if they were torturing each-other by staying together. Or if their relationship had become somewhat toxic for the other.
So he left her a note, lying partially about where he would be. He was leaving the island to cool off and try to get his thoughts together and hopefully return and be able to work things out with Kono. But along with that, he'd be going to search for Shelbourne and Joe, after he cooled off but something in his gut told him, he should do the searching for Shelbourne first before cooling off.
For all the things that we are
But are not saying
Can we see beyond the scars
And make it to the dawn
Sometimes, during dinner, Steve looks at Kono wondering if he should speak the three words to her. To remind that through every fight, every argument, he still loves her. Every time he would open his mouth to tell her that, he would end up just complimenting the meal she prepared for them.
It wasn't suppose to be hard to tell his own wife, he loved her, but after months of fighting, it seemed three words hardly meant anything to either. What was the point of telling someone you loved them when the next day or even a few hours later you would be at each-others throat again?
Glancing at his phone once more, he puts it in his pocket and leans against the seat, wondering what his return would mean for them.
When she wakes up, she finds a note on his pillow and immediately she sits up grabbing it from the pillow and reading it.
Kono,
I'm sorry I couldn't tell you this person but I had to do this alone. A lot of things have lead me to believe that Joe lied to me about who Shelbourne really is and for that I need to find him and get the truth. Danny will hold down the fort while I'm gone and I ask of you that you do not worry about me. I'll be fine and I'll come back in one piece. I can't promise that I'll come back uninjured but I can promise I'll come back.
Aloha Au Ia`oe(I love you),
Steve
When she opens their closet, she finds his black duffel bag gone and some of his clothes as well. The first thing she does is call him and she waits as it starts to ring and then goes to straight to voice-mail. She knows, he's rejecting her phone-calls and that angers her because she's his wife and he's suppose to answer her. After a while of calling him repeatedly, she gives up because he obviously doesn't want to speak to her and she knows why.
So she goes back under the covers and as she leans against the headboard, she starts to think about their marriage, how they got to where they are.
It was easy and better in the beginning, when she was getting used to being called, Kono McGarrett instead of Kono Kalakaua and he was getting used to sharing his life with her. They were happy and in love until 6 months ago when they began to argue more and before they knew it, it was a daily thing for them. Now looking back, she wonders if they fought just to fight or because they simply couldn't communicate to each-other.
She thinks about the constant remarks and insults that they throw at each-other whenever they can and suddenly, it hits her, that they've both crossed the line. They've said some unforgettable things to hurt each-other. Words that neither could ever take back. She wonders if they can recover or they've finally hit rock-bottom in this toxic marriage. It wasn't always toxic. Their marriage was actually nearly perfect, until a few months ago and it now seemed like a toxic relationship, a nerve, waiting to burst.
Could they recover from this?
It was the question on Kono's mind that she couldn't find an answer to. Was it possible to recover and return to how they were before they began to fight? Or was their marriage doomed for divorce?
She knew things had been bad in the past few months. Chin and Danny and even Rachel knew it. They had tried to help them by suggesting couples therapy.
They gone to a few sessions and it was proven to them, that even couples therapy wasn't going to save their marriage. They were both stubborn. With Steve's inability to open up and Kono in denial about their marriage having more then a "few problems", therapy was easier said then done.
Chin had gone as far as have Danny and Rachel speak with Steve and Kono about what happened between them and how in the end, they found that they wanted to be together and how having another child helped them realize that.
It worked. Kind of. It made them want to give another shot at saving their marriage but it didn't work as well as Danny, Rachel, and Chin thought. They didn't fight for a week until one day, Kono left the house without leaving a note, sending Steve into a manhunt for her, thinking she had gotten kidnapped. Wo Fat was still out there at the time, so it gave motive for her sudden disappearance. He found her an hour later at the beach. At home, they argued about it with Steve stating that a note or a text would have been nice and Kono throwing back that she was still an independent woman that didn't need to tell him where she was at every minute of her life.
It was those kind of arguments and fighting that made Kono ask herself if they could make it as a couple or if they were truly done.
Change the colors of the sky.
And open up to
The ways you made me feel alive,
Flashback
Nearly two Years Ago
"Your a pretty damn good runner, Kalakaua," Steve said as he took out two cold plastic bottles from his fridge.
"Thanks, Steve. For a seal, your not so bad," Kono smiled as he handed her one.
"Not so bad? I could outrun you in seconds," He winked at her, opening his water bottle and drinking it.
"Maybe we should test that theory out next week," Kono grinned.
"You really want to lose against a SEAL?" Steve asked a raised eyebrow.
"Lose? I could outrun you, old man," she teased before drinking her water.
"Your calling me old? I'm 34,"
"Well I'm not saying your young either," she winked, walking away towards the living room, swinging her hips.
Steve ran after her, and grabbed her from behind throwing her over his shoulder before rushing up the stairs.
"Steve! Let me down!" she laughed while kicking. Before she knew it, she was being thrown onto his bed and Steve pinned her to the bed with his hands and legs.
"Your not being nice, Commander," she smiled.
"You called me old. Your the one not being nice," He tilted his head.
"And what are you doing to do about it? Punish me?" she winked.
"Nope. I'm going to do this," and before she speak again, Steve began to tickle her causing her to laugh.
"S-S-Stop!" she yelled, laughing.
"Sorry, I can't do that," Steve lied.
"Steve McGarrett!" Kono yelled.
"Say please," Steve ordered.
"Please!" she cried out, tears filling her eyes as she laughed.
"And state that I am in no way old,"
"Steve McGarrett you are not old!" she yelled out and with that Steve got off her, standing up by the edge of the bed.
"That wasn't hard was it?" He asked as she stood up and jumped off the bed.
"Your mean," she playfully slapped his chest.
"That hurt," He feigned hurt.
"Aw, poor little Steve got a boo boo? Where is the boo boo?" Kono pouted.
"Yes and it hurts," Steve pointed towards his chest.
"I know where this is heading and your not getting anything tonight," Kono smirked and walked towards the bathroom, twirling her hair.
"Thanks for giving a guy false hope" Steve called out as he followed her.
She turned giving him a peck on the lips, "I promise tomorrow after work, you can stay the night,"
"Sounds good," he whispered in her ear, wrapping his arms around her.
"Take out?" she asked.
"Tomorrow or right now?" he asked.
"Both,"
"Tomorrow I'm taking you out on a real date but tonight, we'll have take-out,"
"Does that real date include private lesson at the gun range?" she asked placing her head on his chest.
"What do you think? It wouldn't be a real date in my book if we didn't do that," he winked.
Kono laughed, letting herself relax in his arms.
End of Flashback
The ways I loved you,
For all the things that never died,
To make it through the night,
Love will find you
Flashback
"Steve, I need you to sign these papers," Kono said as she walked into his office.
Steve pulled his chair back, standing up, "Why are you wearing that dress?" he asked, crossing his arms. It was a dark blue one shoulder, short dress that she was wearing.
"I'm going out with some of my old friends tonight," she answered before looking down at the papers.
"Now can you-"
He pointed to the dress, "Not in that dress are you going,"
"Steve, don't act jealous," she crossed her arms as he rounded the corner of his desk and were now less then 5 feet away from each-other.
"I'm not acting jealous, I'm worrying about you and your safety which concerns me very much,"
"What safety? It's a bar. I'll be fine," she gives him a look which he completely ignored because he's Steve McGarrett and when someone is looking at him with looks to kill, he completely ignores it.
He walked closer to her, and she could feel him, taking in every part of the dress, "Put on something a little longer," he placed his hand on the crook of her neck and she shivered at his cold hand.
"No," she answered.
"Then you won't be going out anywhere tonight," he dropped his hand.
"Steve, I'm going out. Not even you and your jealous self will stop me," Kono concluded, handing him the papers before walking out of his office towards the lockers to get the rest of her stuff.
"Kono," Steve said closing the locker door behind him. She turned around and before she knows it, she's pinned against the locker doors.
He ran his nose from her shoulder blade to his favorite spot on her neck before he gently bit it, "S-Steve. No," she tried to pull away.
"Yes. Your not going anywhere in that dress unless it's destroyed and that is what I'm planning to do,"
"Not here though," she whispered as he kissed the same spot he had just bit.
"What's more perfect then here?"
"Your house? My house? A hotel room?" she suggested.
"I don't think I'll be able to stop myself from having my way with you in my car then," He answered as he ravished her neck.
"I don't want to endure public humiliation," she whispered.
"Pick your place. Here or my truck?" he murmured against her neck.
"Fine here, but let me at least call Emily and let her know I won't be able to make it," Kono answered as she began to unbutton Steve's shirt.
"Already did," he held up her phone before throwing it behind him.
"You broke my phone," she tried to cross her arms but failed.
"I'll pay for it," he answered, cupping her cheeks with his hands.
"No more questions," he ordered and she nodded and with that he kissed her.
End of Flashback
What about now?
What about today?
"Why didn't you tell me? You could have gotten killed today" Kono asked looking at Steve who was sitting down and held an icepack over his shoulder with one hand and had the palm of his other hand pressed against his forehead. A pile of scattered papers, laid on the coffee table, different words and different titles on each of them.
"Something happened when you left to find Shelbourne and your not telling me. What happened?," she asked.
He ignored her looking at the papers in front of him.
"Answer my question, Steven. I'm your wife, not one of your teammates," Kono crossed her arms.
"We're not exactly husband and wife," Steve stated blankly and Kono couldn't help but feel a sting in her heart, hearing him say those words.
"God, your impossible," she exclaimed, frustrated. She wasn't going to let him know his words hurt her so it was better to keep herself guarded.
"What do you want me to say then? Huh?" he asked looking up at her, his blue green eyes meeting her brown ones.
"I want you to say something! I want you to apologize for putting yourself in danger,"
"I'm sorry. There I said something," He spat.
"You don't think it's killing me as much as it's killing you?" She asked, as tears threaten to fall.
"I don't know. Is it? I can't read your mind. I'm a SEAL, not a mind reader," he answered placing the ice pack down on the table next to the scattered papers.
"God, your ignorant. It's killing me to see us like this. It's killing me because we're suppose to be happy," She hissed.
"I'm not ignorant, I'm trying to avoid fighting with you. I love you so much. That's why I'm acting this way," He stood up grabbing the papers and brushed passed her.
What if you're making me all that I was meant to be?
What if our love never went away?
Flashback
"I didn't know you were a dancer," Kono said as they moved according to the music.
"There's a lot of things you don't know about me," Steve grinned as he twirled her around before dipping her and pressing her against him. They were at Danny and Rachel's get together party/dance. It was their first time going to an event as a couple. Since it was a mix of Danny's friends and Rachel's friends, there were quite some unfamiliar people.
"Whoa,"
"I used to watch my parents dance in the living-room. My mom was a big lover on dancing while my dad disliked it. My mom would teach him how to dance and eventually they began to dance in the living room when they thought they were alone,"
"You learned from that?"
"I also took a few classes on the classic dances. Tango, Salsa, ballroom, and Rumba," He answered, shrugging.
"You need to teach me then," she said.
"Glad to,"
The song soon changed to a much slower song and she laid her head on his shoulder as they began to sway slowly to the music.
"I'm happy," Steve said, all of a sudden.
"Weren't you always happy?" she asked, looking up at him.
"In a way but not exactly. I've always felt something, someone was missing in my life," He frowned.
"Catherine?"
He shook his head, "No. I knew she wasn't the one. We were friends with benefits for a reason because neither of us could settle down and commit to a relationship,"
"What about us?" she asked, slightly afraid of the answer
"I'm completely committed to this relationship. That's the difference between our relationship and my old one with Catherine. We spend nearly every day together while with Catherine, I saw her maybe a few times a year,"
"Oh,"
He gently pulled her away, putting her face in his hands.
"You are the reason I'm happy. You are the reason, why I'm changing for the better. You are the reason, why I can see a future now," he whispered. She smiled.
"Are you going soft now, Commander?"
"Maybe, just don't tell anyone," he chuckled.
End of flashback
What if it's lost behind, words we could never find?
Baby, before it's too late,
What about now?
"Did you find the case?" Steve asked as Kono entered his office. He closed his laptop and pushed it to the side, leaning against his eat.
"Yeah. There's nothing that pops out from that case that suggests Elizabeth O'Carter was involved in the murder. Nothing,"
"Are you sure?" He asked.
"Yeah. You can even check for yourself," she handed him the case file.
"Someone murdered her husband and Elizabeth O'Carter is our only suspect right now. Maybe she wanted an out and murdering her husband was the only way," Steve said as he flipped through the case file.
"What about the affair?" Kono asked.
"She ran from her own husband to another man, Kono. That's all that's stated. The guy she was with didn't even know she was married much less to Keith O'Carter. We already interrogated him and he's clean. That's all there is to the affair," He stated.
"I talked to her and she told me she ran because ... she couldn't deal with the fighting," Kono said slowly, knowing this was going to open up some wounds.
"And? There's no reason to just run. A divorce would have been better," He snapped. At that point, he didn't know whether he was talking about his own marriage or the case.
She stayed silent for a minute for speaking, "Then why haven't we gotten a divorce?" Kono asked and he snapped his eyes to hers, angry flashing in them.
"This isn't about us" he growled, slamming the case file onto his desk.
"Your making it about us,"
"No I'm not. This case isn't about us. This is a man who got murdered by someone and that person could be his own wife, who cheated on him," He hissed.
"It seems pretty close considering both Keith and Elizabeth were fighting constantly until Elizabeth left him for another man,"
"Are you saying your cheating on me?" Steve asked as he raised his voice, anger becoming more clear in his tone.
"I'm not cheating. I'm just saying that Elizabeth left him for another man. Someone in an unhappy marriage would try to find comfort in someone else's arms," Kono shrugged.
"So you found comfort?" He asked, his eyes narrowing.
"No. If I did you wouldn't be on a case right now. Neither of us would be. We would be signing papers to end our marriage,"
"I don't know what I hate more. The fact that your accusing me of cheating or the fact that you lied to me about going to find Shelbourne," Kono shook her head before looking up at him.
"I didn't lie, Kono. I did exactly what I said in the letter. I needed to see what was Joe hiding from me and who was Shelbourne. It just so happens that I took an extended vacation,"
"Nothing wrong? I was worried sick. You lied for fucks sake! A phone call to let me know that you were okay and alive would have been nice!"
"I needed a damn break from this marriage to get my thoughts together and think about what was next!" He shouted.
"How was that break from me?"
"It let me set my priorities straight. It made me realize a lot of things. That break from this marriage was what I needed so I could put everything in perspective,"
"Care to elaborate?" She asked, crossing her arms.
"No,"
"See? This is why we can't work things out!" Kono yelled, throwing her hands up in the air, angrily.
"I'm sorry but some things are better off left unsaid," Steve whispered, loud enough for her to hear him.
What did you guys think? Good? Bad? Love it? Hate it? Review! I accept anonymous.
Dates to know:
June 21st - Steve left to find Shelbourne
June 28th - Steve returned and he fought with Kono about leaving all of a sudden.
July 7th - Kono argues with Steve about not telling her about something and Shelbourne, after he got injured
July 13th - The two argue about a case that involves a woman who cheated on her husband and they bring up divorce.
Don't worry, things will get better for Steve and Kono.
McKono, Mikita, Crowen, Densi,
Nina
