Dean had been pacing around in his skull for weeks. It was exhausting.
At first, he'd fought and struggled but now he spent most of his time in here. Watching Michael 'experience' life was, well mostly boring. Sometimes it was disturbing, so they'd come to an agreement that Dean would just hang out here, his mind flashed back to the loofah incident and he shuddered.
So, he had retreated to a mental version of the bunker and Michael didn't bother him. Occasionally he went rooting for weakness in the angels' form but so far, no luck.
Today was like any other, Dean hadn't slept and that was since he'd been trapped in here. To fill the time he'd been speaking to versions of Sam, Cas and Bobby in his mind and it kept him sane.
Cas's voice was a whisper at first and Dean thought he'd imagined it, heart racing when he realised that Cas was there with Michael. Panic consumed him. The path to the archangel's eyes, his eyes was like a spiral staircase and he bolted, moving faster than he had in weeks. Dean filtered back into his body and hated the feeling. It was like squeezing into clothes that already had someone in them. He couldn't speak through his mouth, couldn't move his body, and couldn't yell at Cas to get outta dodge before Michael tore him a new hole.
He was, helpless.
Dean observed the scene before him; Cas and Jack were standing there in the motel room, negotiating with Michael. Dean did the only thing he could; he watched and begged Michael not to hurt them.
"I warn you, Jack has regained his grace and we are not defenceless," Cas said firmly.
Jack just stood there scowling, his eyes brighter than usual which meant he was close to the edge.
"Where is the other one?" Michael asked, "Samuel?"
"That is none of your concern," Cas replied.
"Very well. What exactly do you want?" the archangel asked,
"We want Dean back."
They were slapped with a laugh in response, it was dry and sarcastic.
"Well that is, how do they say here, ah yes…Over my dead body." He smiled and it was twisted, an awful thing that drained the colour from Cas's face. Dean didn't know Cas could go that shade of white. "But, if you insist…"
"No, stop," Jack yelled, Cas just stood there looking ill.
Dean could see blood and was certain it was his, what had Michael done to him?
"Do you know how loud Dean Winchester is screaming inside his own mind?" Michael taunted the men but looked bored.
"Be quiet." Cas breathed out between gritted teeth.
"Do you know what he thinks about in the deep dark recesses of his mind?" the archangel moved towards Cas.
"Stop." Said Jack, "that's close enough."
"I won't harm him Nephilim, not any of you"
"Why?" Cas asked, confused.
"Because brother; Dean and I made a deal. He is pliant and I leave you three and whoever else he puts on his little list, alone. Dean makes the vessel strong, and so I placate him by letting you, people, be. I don't like the buzzing he makes when he's upset, it's, for lack of a better word, annoying."
The Archangel was elegant and menacing. Cas and Jack exchanged a look and they seemed to relax a touch.
Dean was pacing behind his own eyes, what the hell were they doing here?
Michael moved closer to Cas, he was inches away from the angel now and Dean flinched, not trusting Michaels intentions one bit.
"Castiel, I know why you're here," Michael spoke as he pulled away. The casual pacing around the room was a disarming technique, Michael wanted to talk and that was dangerous.
"I just told you why." Cas's sarcasm was ignored by the Archangel.
"No, you told me what you wanted, which I am willing to give you- fleetingly of course." Dean could see the hope in Cas's face.
"No", he screamed, knowing it was a trap. Whatever the price was it'd be too high.
"Let's say, 3 minutes." Michael picked up one of Sam's knives and played with it like it was a toy.
"I'll give you three minutes to speak to Dean."
"Why would you do that?" Jack asked as Cas seemed to be in shock.
"I want you to listen to what I have to say first."
"How do we know you'll keep your word," Cas asked.
"I can bind it," Jack said out of the blue, confusion filtering over his face.
"How?"
"I don't know, I just know I can."
"Fine, I will allow it one condition, that you hear me, I ask that you don't interrupt until I'm done and only then will I release Dean to speak to you."
Cas stretched his palm out and Dean saw Michael do the same.
Jack placed his hands over theirs, the glow that came was pure and white, both angels turned away as Jack whispered,
"As it was agreed, and so it shall be or death will reap the defalcator."
Dean felt a shudder in the angel's grace, whatever Jack had done was solid, permanent.
Heart pounding at the realisation, he was going to be able to speak but what price would they pay for his moment of freedom?
Dean knew Michael; he wasn't like the other monsters they'd fought. The cunning was in his truth. He would pick at their emotions until they were raw and then he'd just keep on going.
Michael, cleared his throat, "May I begin?"
Cas nodded, rigid, waiting for the betrayal. It never came.
"I will ask again. Castiel, how well do you know Dean?"
"I don't see what this has to…"
"Please, as part of our agreement, humour me?"
"He's family," Cas replied looking sad.
"Do you know what Dean thinks about in this tiny little mind of his?"
Hey, thought Dean, you wanna live inside me you asshole.
Dean felt Michael's grin and heard his voice as it echoed, 'just wait Dean, just you wait'
Not good, Dean thought.
"Pie and whiskey?" Sarcasm leached from Cas as he answered, Dean was kinda proud.
Michael laughed, "Oh poor Castiel, how wrong you are." picking lint from his coat,
"Dean, shall we tell Castiel a few, truths?"
Dean went cold, oh god, this was not happening.
"Do you know much about humans? Because I know a lot, I know what hurts them, what heals them, what drives their tiny little lives." He breathed deeply.
"It's actually a hobby of mine. I got bored at being confused with their constant hypocrisy and decided to study them. Father loved them so much and I wanted to see what he saw."
Cas shifted on his feet, not sure where this was going but certain he wasn't going to like it.
"There are a few things that drive them; the first are their base desires. Food, lust…you get my meaning. The rest is complex and actually somewhat interesting, father did well in creating these endless puzzles for us to play with, sadly it's lost on most of my siblings."
"They're not…"
"Don't interrupt me Castiel," Michael added, his tone was light, bored and it was terrifying.
Michael's hands played with a book as he said, "Secrets…Secrets are the keys to the human soul. They push them, drive them and they also destroy them."
"Secrets?" Jack asked, intrigued.
"Yes. The best way to understand these things is through their secrets. Let's take Dean, for example. Dean was raised a hunter, by a father obsessed with a dead wife."
Dean was shaking inside his head, enraged.
"Do you know what John Winchester did to his eldest son, with all of that aggression and need?" Michael changed books.
"He caused a conflict. He caused what the humans call 'emotional damage'. Dean was kind, caring and full of love but his father twisted it into something fractured."
He paced, flicking at the pages of the book.
"Dean could have been a lot of things but his parent's actions broke him. He can't love people that aren't family because they can choose to leave him and before they can do so, he always finds a reason to leave them. Had you noticed? "
"He's a hunter…" Cas added knowing that's what Michael wanted.
"Yes, and a good one, I've spent a lot of time with him Castiel and I can appreciate Dean's talents."
The pauses were annoying but clearly, he was trying to make a point, he was in no rush.
"…but the hunt is an excuse." Michael waved his hand flippantly, and started again, "Dean can't settle with someone weak, someone that needs protecting because he's always been the protector and ultimately…well, it leaves him- shall we say, dissatisfied, irritated, stressed…take your pick"
Dropping the book he lifted a flyer.
"…and he can't be with a hunter because, well they remind him of mommy."
Cas looked confused.
"So Castiel, what is a boy to do?"
Dean was confused as all hell and feeling nauseous, nothing the archangel had said was a lie, he did feel that way…shit he was so fucked up.
"Dean loves his family." Cas's words were soft, strained.
"Yes, Dean adores his family. He would kill for them, die for them…he's in here right now begging for you to leave so that he can keep you safe."
Cas took a deep and shuddering breath.
"But, I wonder…and I'm just theorising here…" Michael turned his fingers, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Do you really understand why Dean has never settled down?"
"You just said, didn't you? Is that what you want? I know Dean won't give up hunting to be happy because he's not selfish, he's brave and kind…"
"You're not wrong Castiel." Michael interrupted him and Cas looked shocked again. "What I want you to see is the reason, why…"
"I don't understand…"
"Are you really that ignorant?" the Archangel posed.
Cas didn't know what to say..
"If Dean can't love someone, what's the word he uses- ah yes, a 'civilian'? If he can't love someone who is not a hunter because they may leave, they may die, may get hurt…"
He paused to gauge Cas's reaction.
"And, if he can't be with a hunter because of his mommy issues…and the only people in his life that are strong, loving and capable around him are related to him biologically…"
"Sam and John…" Cas added.
"Yes. Who can Dean love romantically?" Michael pondered, "Knowing the human psyche Castiel, knowing that they reach for love like a lifeline, do you think Dean would ever be whole without a partner? Someone to love as an equal?"
Dean was panting now, pacing in his own mind.
"Please, Michael, please don't do this he begged", this would destroy his world.
In that moment, Dean understood this is what he wanted, to alienate Deans people, his friends, his family.
"Dean has a secret Castiel. Dean's secret is so large, so hidden that I had to ferret it out from the most repressed place I've ever seen in a human psyche." Michael laughed, "He has been pushed so far into the archetype. He's been moulded so much by his father and by their trips to diners, and bars. Then also by human television and culture which left its own mark. The expectation of being a man and a hunter made him who he is but he had to find a way around it all, and he has found a way to love. Without having to look at it too closely as well. Dean has found a way to be in love with someone that avoids all of his human issues…
Michael looked at Cas, Dean was on his knees now inside his head, slow tears streaming down his face.
"Dean loves something and that something is hard to kill, something that he…reveres."
Every time Michael said 'love' Cas flinched like he was being slashed by a blade.
"He respects powerful things, he's… relieved by durability, he adores his work but what he loves more is people who understand how much he needs his work, to feel whole, to feel safe. He wants people, a person, who can keep Samuel safe. He loves a great many things…but Dean has needs. Dean wants… things."
Michael looked out of the window.
"Do you know what Dean wants Castiel, more than any of those other things? What he desires more than cheeseburgers, more than sex, more than his brother, more than anything really?"
Cas shook his head.
"Dean's longing…his vast overwhelming need is to be… taken care of. Dean wants someone to look after him, to love him without asking anything in return, without needing anything in return. Dean wants' someone who will fight for him, endlessly. When he despairs, for someone to hold him and reassure him. Someone to worship him, to crave him. Not superficially…but in the way of two bonded souls. Just one person who is his, that's all."
Dean broke a little more and curled up in a ball. The wracking sobs made it hard to breathe. It was like someone cracking open his core and bearing it to the world, worse, to Castiel.
Cas was visibly shaking.
Jack's eyes were wide
"Dean could only ever love something… other. His mother, unbeknownst to her, had a mild gift of prophecy."
Dean looked up at that, confused.
"The thing that Dean would love, the only thing that could love him the way he needed? A love that would be unconditional and what human knows unconditional love? Do you remember Castiel, what Dean's mother used to say to him before bed, every single night?"
Cas choked, his mouth going dry as he found the words, "Angels are watching over you."
"Do you know what Dean's secret is Castiel?"
"No…" Cas whispered, denial filling his tone.
"Dean is in love with something that is not and never has been human." Michael rubbed his finger in some dust as he met Castiel's eyes.
"Dean is in love with…you."
If angels could hyperventilate, Cas was sure this is what it felt like.
"You're wrong." Cas spat.
"Don't do that Castiel, you know I loathe lies." it was calm and controlled, "and you love him. You have since you ripped his soul from hell. Does he know that? Let me check…no. Oh, joy. Dean, are you listening? Castiel fought several hundred Demons to get to you, not the one or two he originally implied. He created a wall inside your mind that protected you from your memories until you could handle them, he killed and came out bloody for you. And the best part Dean was that as soon as his hands, his pure celestial being touched your bare soul, there was no other choice but to love you. He saw all of you and now he needs you as much as you need him."
Dean looked up at that and saw the truth in Cas's face.
"Now, my story has reached its conclusion and I only want one more thing before I hold up my end of this…deal."
Cas wiped a single tear from his face.
"What?" it was ragged.
"A kiss…"
"A…a kiss?" Cas looked wounded.
"Just one, with feeling and then I'll let Dean out…although he's a little, shaky right now."
"You want to kiss me?" Cas was having difficulty with the concept.
Dean moaned to Michael, "Please don't do this." The archangel ignored him.
"Just one." Michael moved into Cas's personal space and Dean saw his hand rising to his angel's cheek.
Cas's nodded.
"Like you mean it Castiel." He added with a touch of force and Cas nodded again.
Then Michael did something so heartbreaking that Dean felt parts of his soul splinter, the feeling in his body returned, but not the control and then he kissed Cas. The move was slow but hard and the feel of Cas's lips on his was like heaven. Dean's lip fell between Cas's and he sucked it lightly opening Cas's mouth with his tongue, smashing them together like a wave. Dean's hand rose to match the other and he gripped the shorter man's face. His whole body shuddered with the feeling, with the need that consumed him. The kiss broke suddenly and Michael appeared next to Dean in his mind.
The angel, a mirror image, smirked and said, "You have three minutes."
-fin-
