This is Caps first fic, so be easy. I helped, of course. Criticizing
and commenting and laughing when he misspelled something. Its fun to be
mean.
Disclaimer: Captain Giraffe and I do not own X-Men in any way shape or form. If we did we'd be quite the happy campers.
Fangirls are Scary
Remy LeBeau watched the girl across the street nervously. Nervously because he was certain she was stalking him. And because she wore a T-shirt with his face on it and was waving a flag (also with his face on it) that proclaimed in large violent pink letters 'I Luv Remy'. The pink alone was enough to keep him awake and weeping at night for weeks. And Sabretooth already did that enough for all the Acolytes. Furthermore he was nervous because she was most certainly one of the dreaded Fangirls.
Several people walked by and stared at the girl then looked at him and began to laugh. The girl saw what they were laughing at and squealed.
"Oh (Remy drops the S bomb in French)"
***
Jennie was a Fangirl. A crazy, jealous Fangirl, far worse than any Fanboy could ever be. Who, do you ask, is Jennie's object of Fangirldom? Remy LeBeau. Of course it is. But you could probably tell that by the few paragraphs above about Remy, that it was indeed him.
Jennie had been following her love all day, this time actually letting him see her, and not taping leaves to her forehead to disguise herself as a bush. She was done admiring him from afar and writing love letters to herself and signing his name at the bottom, then going through the whole mailing procedure. But where had he gone?
There! Where that group of people were laughing and pointing at her. She waved to them, and then dashed across the street toward her one true love. Before she could reach him, however, a cupcake vendor (much like a hotdog vendor but with cupcakes instead of the pig/squirrel/ kangaroo meat in a bun) walked in front of Remy and when he had gone by Remy was gone! Oh my goodness!
"Damn you Senor Cupcake!" as that was the brand of cupcake. "That's the third time my love has mysteriously disappeared whilst a cupcake vendor carted by!" Jennie stomped her foot in frustration then set about to locate Remy again.
***
Remy pushed open the side of the cupcake cart. This had been a very trying, cupcake filled day for everybody's favorite red eyed mutant, and he was seriously considering going back to the base, crying in his room, and stuffing his face with all of the cupcakes he'd stolen. Having a stalker wasn't as much fun as he had thought it would be.
He sauntered-that's right, Remy has to saunter, he's to cool to just walk even if he is about to break down and cry-down the sidewalk, thankful to have gotten away from that crazy girl with his face on a flag. He knew, however, that she would find him. She already had several times today, after other badly coordinated cupcake cart escapes. Strange how one who so obviously suffers from some severe mental debilitation can be so good at tracking down someone like our friend Gambit. Strange indeed.
Well, Remy continued to saunter and ponder about how hard it would be for the crazed Fangirl to find him if he got some sort of drastic plastic surgery. Due to these intense ponderings he had a fatal lack of attention, which is pretty retarded considering, and Jennie was able to run up behind him and throw a burlap sack over his head.
***
Remy screamed in surprise as Jennie tried to lift him and throw him over her shoulder.
"Darn! It always works in the movies." She bit her lip in confusion.
"Dat is because it is usually de man who tries to kidnap de woman you fool!" Remy said, his voice muffled by the bag.
"Ooh.,"then genius struck her. Psychotic genius, not real genius.
"Oh excuse me!" She called to two men leaning against a car. They looked up which meant they had obviously heard her loud nasal voice and were at full attention. "Could you please carry this for me to my truck, as I am too small and delicate to do so myself?" The men shrugged and nodded, as they were only cameos and not permitted to speak under penalty of being tied up and poked continuously with a stick for two days.
Jennie skipped behind the two, obviously pleased with her own psychotic genius. She grinned and began to cackle evilly for soon she would have Remy all to herself unable to escape, because if he blew up the sack he was in he too would be blown up.
They lifted Remy and carried him as they would carry a table, roughly and with little thought of its tendencies to bruise. And so they lugged him along, oblivious to his screams of terror.
***
Remy yelped in pain as he was tossed unto the bed of the truck, owned by aforementioned crazy Fangirl, Jennie. They had passed two policemen on the short walk and they had only nodded and smiled stupidly as he was hefted on by. He cursed under his breath about "dumbass Bayville cops" until he heard the engine start and felt the truck move.
He then began to panic. Yes after all that had happened Remy now began to panic. Good timing. Then he remembered something he'd seen on Animal Planet. He had walked into the sitting room and sat down as that is what a sitting room is for, only to see that John had left Animal Planet on, having attained all the stupid ideas he needed on how to catch venomous snakes. Remy had decided he was too lazy to move and seeing as how the remote had been found two days prior, melted on the floor, it was Animal Planet he watched. And from which he learned if a raccoon set his mind to it he could chew his way out of a burlap sack.
"So why can't Remy do de same?" Why not? He pondered on this a few minutes until the truck hit a pot hole and he lost his trail of thought. After regaining it, he quickly set about his task.
Thanks to the unrealisticity of the writers and general fan fiction, the truck drove aimlessly long enough for Remy to chew his way to freedom.
"One t'ing dey did not mention was how bad de burlap sacks tasted," he muttered dryly. At that time he chose to crawl to the back of the truck bed and then and only then did he attract the attention of his kidnapper.
"Hey get back in your sack darling! We're almost there!" Remy squeaked fearfully then shouted.
"Tuck and roll!" and leapt from the truck.
***
Jennie watched in horror as Remy bounced unrealistically, and then stood, brushed himself off then calmly sauntered away. She was so busy watching him, in fact, that some of Captain Giraffe's realistic-ness managed to struggle through the cloud enshrouding his brain and thusly made her crash into a pole.
However the realistic-ness was short lived and she managed to wander away unharmed after the car had exploded twice and an airplane had crashed into it. None of those onboard were harmed either but they were so riled up that they began to riot and loot the surrounding stores.
Immediately she began tracking Remy again. She followed the trail of random explosions until she reached Bayville High. What could Remy be doing here? She stood there staring at the building until it occurred to her to go inside because he was obviously in there as indicted by the fact that the main door had been blown up. She smiled. Only Remy would blow up doors he could easily open by wrapping his hand around the handle and pulling.
No one seemed to have noticed the fact that the front doors were gone and all that remained was a dark smoking hole in their place. As she walked, Principle Kelly appeared out of nowhere for some random reason unbeknownst to all.
"Do you have a pass?" He asked in his 'I'm cool cuz I rule da school' voice.
"Um. hey look! It's your male lover Magneto!" Kelly whipped about, excitement in his eyes, while Jennie snuck away snickering, proud of her use of the simple logic, that if two people hated each other they were obviously in love, and who is more Kelly's enemy than Magneto? No one that's who!
***
Remy peered through the window in the door of the class room. He had come to the school in the hopes that his chere would help him. Because why wouldn't she? He would blow the crazy Fangirl up, but she had already survived several explosions and having a plane dropped on her. So he doubted his powers would work on her. He was certain that Rogues would, though. And if they didn't.his brain gave out, unable to think of what he could do if such a thing were to happen.
So Remy charged the door and dashed away around a corner until he heard the BOOM, then he ventured into the room. No one had noticed, once again, that something had exploded and everyone ignored him as he walked in, took a puzzled looking Rogue by the arm and led her out. Seriously, the teacher kept on with his lesson and everything.
"What are you doin' Gambit?" Rogue pondered aloud. Rogue ponders too.
"Gambit needs your help, chere," and then he explained what had occurred while she was in school learning various random stuffage the teachers decided would be fun to teach.
"Huh," she said, ".so why don't you just blow 'er up?" she pondered once again.
"I told you chere! She is impervious to explosions!" Rogue pondered this as well then her brain froze as she had attempted to think on what would happen if her powers did not work on the crazy stalker Fangirl.
Just then the crazy stalker Fangirl, Jennie rounded the corner and saw Remy with Rogue.
"No! My love, how could you do this to me!!!!!" she shrieked. Remy who had had his fill of this crap picked Rogue up and threw her at Jennie. Jennie screamed as all her psycho thoughts and psycho memories were drained. After this she collapsed on the floor.
"Well that worked," Rogue said, disturbed by all the craziness in the girls mind. "Wow, she wanted to do some really sick things to you."
"Yeah," Remy sighed, "Want a cupcake?"
The End
Well that's it for this chapter. Any suggestions on who should be chased around by crazy Fangirls next? Tell me my friends!
Disclaimer: Captain Giraffe and I do not own X-Men in any way shape or form. If we did we'd be quite the happy campers.
Fangirls are Scary
Remy LeBeau watched the girl across the street nervously. Nervously because he was certain she was stalking him. And because she wore a T-shirt with his face on it and was waving a flag (also with his face on it) that proclaimed in large violent pink letters 'I Luv Remy'. The pink alone was enough to keep him awake and weeping at night for weeks. And Sabretooth already did that enough for all the Acolytes. Furthermore he was nervous because she was most certainly one of the dreaded Fangirls.
Several people walked by and stared at the girl then looked at him and began to laugh. The girl saw what they were laughing at and squealed.
"Oh (Remy drops the S bomb in French)"
***
Jennie was a Fangirl. A crazy, jealous Fangirl, far worse than any Fanboy could ever be. Who, do you ask, is Jennie's object of Fangirldom? Remy LeBeau. Of course it is. But you could probably tell that by the few paragraphs above about Remy, that it was indeed him.
Jennie had been following her love all day, this time actually letting him see her, and not taping leaves to her forehead to disguise herself as a bush. She was done admiring him from afar and writing love letters to herself and signing his name at the bottom, then going through the whole mailing procedure. But where had he gone?
There! Where that group of people were laughing and pointing at her. She waved to them, and then dashed across the street toward her one true love. Before she could reach him, however, a cupcake vendor (much like a hotdog vendor but with cupcakes instead of the pig/squirrel/ kangaroo meat in a bun) walked in front of Remy and when he had gone by Remy was gone! Oh my goodness!
"Damn you Senor Cupcake!" as that was the brand of cupcake. "That's the third time my love has mysteriously disappeared whilst a cupcake vendor carted by!" Jennie stomped her foot in frustration then set about to locate Remy again.
***
Remy pushed open the side of the cupcake cart. This had been a very trying, cupcake filled day for everybody's favorite red eyed mutant, and he was seriously considering going back to the base, crying in his room, and stuffing his face with all of the cupcakes he'd stolen. Having a stalker wasn't as much fun as he had thought it would be.
He sauntered-that's right, Remy has to saunter, he's to cool to just walk even if he is about to break down and cry-down the sidewalk, thankful to have gotten away from that crazy girl with his face on a flag. He knew, however, that she would find him. She already had several times today, after other badly coordinated cupcake cart escapes. Strange how one who so obviously suffers from some severe mental debilitation can be so good at tracking down someone like our friend Gambit. Strange indeed.
Well, Remy continued to saunter and ponder about how hard it would be for the crazed Fangirl to find him if he got some sort of drastic plastic surgery. Due to these intense ponderings he had a fatal lack of attention, which is pretty retarded considering, and Jennie was able to run up behind him and throw a burlap sack over his head.
***
Remy screamed in surprise as Jennie tried to lift him and throw him over her shoulder.
"Darn! It always works in the movies." She bit her lip in confusion.
"Dat is because it is usually de man who tries to kidnap de woman you fool!" Remy said, his voice muffled by the bag.
"Ooh.,"then genius struck her. Psychotic genius, not real genius.
"Oh excuse me!" She called to two men leaning against a car. They looked up which meant they had obviously heard her loud nasal voice and were at full attention. "Could you please carry this for me to my truck, as I am too small and delicate to do so myself?" The men shrugged and nodded, as they were only cameos and not permitted to speak under penalty of being tied up and poked continuously with a stick for two days.
Jennie skipped behind the two, obviously pleased with her own psychotic genius. She grinned and began to cackle evilly for soon she would have Remy all to herself unable to escape, because if he blew up the sack he was in he too would be blown up.
They lifted Remy and carried him as they would carry a table, roughly and with little thought of its tendencies to bruise. And so they lugged him along, oblivious to his screams of terror.
***
Remy yelped in pain as he was tossed unto the bed of the truck, owned by aforementioned crazy Fangirl, Jennie. They had passed two policemen on the short walk and they had only nodded and smiled stupidly as he was hefted on by. He cursed under his breath about "dumbass Bayville cops" until he heard the engine start and felt the truck move.
He then began to panic. Yes after all that had happened Remy now began to panic. Good timing. Then he remembered something he'd seen on Animal Planet. He had walked into the sitting room and sat down as that is what a sitting room is for, only to see that John had left Animal Planet on, having attained all the stupid ideas he needed on how to catch venomous snakes. Remy had decided he was too lazy to move and seeing as how the remote had been found two days prior, melted on the floor, it was Animal Planet he watched. And from which he learned if a raccoon set his mind to it he could chew his way out of a burlap sack.
"So why can't Remy do de same?" Why not? He pondered on this a few minutes until the truck hit a pot hole and he lost his trail of thought. After regaining it, he quickly set about his task.
Thanks to the unrealisticity of the writers and general fan fiction, the truck drove aimlessly long enough for Remy to chew his way to freedom.
"One t'ing dey did not mention was how bad de burlap sacks tasted," he muttered dryly. At that time he chose to crawl to the back of the truck bed and then and only then did he attract the attention of his kidnapper.
"Hey get back in your sack darling! We're almost there!" Remy squeaked fearfully then shouted.
"Tuck and roll!" and leapt from the truck.
***
Jennie watched in horror as Remy bounced unrealistically, and then stood, brushed himself off then calmly sauntered away. She was so busy watching him, in fact, that some of Captain Giraffe's realistic-ness managed to struggle through the cloud enshrouding his brain and thusly made her crash into a pole.
However the realistic-ness was short lived and she managed to wander away unharmed after the car had exploded twice and an airplane had crashed into it. None of those onboard were harmed either but they were so riled up that they began to riot and loot the surrounding stores.
Immediately she began tracking Remy again. She followed the trail of random explosions until she reached Bayville High. What could Remy be doing here? She stood there staring at the building until it occurred to her to go inside because he was obviously in there as indicted by the fact that the main door had been blown up. She smiled. Only Remy would blow up doors he could easily open by wrapping his hand around the handle and pulling.
No one seemed to have noticed the fact that the front doors were gone and all that remained was a dark smoking hole in their place. As she walked, Principle Kelly appeared out of nowhere for some random reason unbeknownst to all.
"Do you have a pass?" He asked in his 'I'm cool cuz I rule da school' voice.
"Um. hey look! It's your male lover Magneto!" Kelly whipped about, excitement in his eyes, while Jennie snuck away snickering, proud of her use of the simple logic, that if two people hated each other they were obviously in love, and who is more Kelly's enemy than Magneto? No one that's who!
***
Remy peered through the window in the door of the class room. He had come to the school in the hopes that his chere would help him. Because why wouldn't she? He would blow the crazy Fangirl up, but she had already survived several explosions and having a plane dropped on her. So he doubted his powers would work on her. He was certain that Rogues would, though. And if they didn't.his brain gave out, unable to think of what he could do if such a thing were to happen.
So Remy charged the door and dashed away around a corner until he heard the BOOM, then he ventured into the room. No one had noticed, once again, that something had exploded and everyone ignored him as he walked in, took a puzzled looking Rogue by the arm and led her out. Seriously, the teacher kept on with his lesson and everything.
"What are you doin' Gambit?" Rogue pondered aloud. Rogue ponders too.
"Gambit needs your help, chere," and then he explained what had occurred while she was in school learning various random stuffage the teachers decided would be fun to teach.
"Huh," she said, ".so why don't you just blow 'er up?" she pondered once again.
"I told you chere! She is impervious to explosions!" Rogue pondered this as well then her brain froze as she had attempted to think on what would happen if her powers did not work on the crazy stalker Fangirl.
Just then the crazy stalker Fangirl, Jennie rounded the corner and saw Remy with Rogue.
"No! My love, how could you do this to me!!!!!" she shrieked. Remy who had had his fill of this crap picked Rogue up and threw her at Jennie. Jennie screamed as all her psycho thoughts and psycho memories were drained. After this she collapsed on the floor.
"Well that worked," Rogue said, disturbed by all the craziness in the girls mind. "Wow, she wanted to do some really sick things to you."
"Yeah," Remy sighed, "Want a cupcake?"
The End
Well that's it for this chapter. Any suggestions on who should be chased around by crazy Fangirls next? Tell me my friends!
