Falling in love with your best friend is torture. It's the worst.
I love Johnny. I've always loved him and I always will. I don't know what's wrong with me, I must be out of my fucking mind, but sometimes things just happen, and we aren't asked if we would like it or not. I hate myself because how I feel, but on the other hand falling in love with him, no, more like noticing I'm in love with him, was the best thing that had happened to me for a long time. I make myself sick, dammit, being gay is the worst, but I love him and loving him makes me happier than anything before.
I started to avoid eye contact with Johnny because of the fact that every time I looked into his eyes (or even at him) I blushed. His eyes were damn beautiful. I loved his eyes nearly as much as I loved him. I loved the way he laughed. I loved the warmth he had in his voice. His smile was the best. And wasn't he handsome. Dammit, I wanted him.
'Pony, are you all right? You've lost weight.'
'Mm.'
I stopped eating. I was lost in my thoughts, and all I could think about was Johnny. I wasn't really paying attention to anything around me. Except Johnny. I didn't go near him anymore. If somebody talked about him, I started to cry. I'm pretty sure people thought I had a fight with him. I'm happy they didn't find out.
This wasn't normal anymore. This guy was driving me crazy.
I had nightmares, it wasn't unusual for me to wake up in the middle of the night, screaming, crying, trembling and sweating. When I woke up, I couldn't remember anything about the dream.
I wake up screaming his name. He comes to me and kisses gently my forehead. I blush. I'm in love with you, he whispers.
After that dream I couldn't sleep anymore. The rest of the night I spent staring the seiling above my bed.
Back then, it felt like an eternity, but actually it was just two or three days, then Johnny came. When I saw him on the doorway I started to cry.
He looked at me with a scared look on his face, then he ran to me and hugged me tightly. When I felt Johnnys arms around me, I suddenly relaxed, feeling warm inside. I whispered his name with my voice trembling and crabbed his shirt tightly.
'I love you.'
I don't know what I was thinking back then, all I know is that when he kissed me, I just closed my eyes and kissed him back.
