A/N So my intention is for this to be a chapter fic. I've got two unfinished stories that have long been abandoned and I've not written anything on here in ages. I lost that writing bug for a long while but I'm hoping it's back and that this story will be different so I can see it out till the end! We'll see!-I've had it in the works for a while now so fingers crossed. Let me know what you think.

He peered around the door, silently taking her in.

Brooke had forewarned him that she wasn't exactly coping but with that in mind he'd been expecting a mess. She wasn't though. She wasn't the blubbering mess he'd been anticipating at all on the plane ride here. If anything he would have described her as overly pristine in that moment. Her hair had been straightened and was half up half down, she was donning a black dress that left her shoulders bare. She was put together. Perhaps more so than normal even.

Frowning he quietly walked into her childhood room, gently letting his holdall down and shutting the door.

It had been a whirlwind forty eight hours. He'd gotten the call from Brooke in the middle of a book signing and had been quick to abandon his busy schedule and hop on the next plane out of London. Two connecting flights and a whole lot of waiting around later he'd finally made it to Tree Hill.

She hadn't moved, seemingly deaf to his entrance.

'Baby' His voice cut through the space between them and she glanced up briefly.

'Oh you're here'

'I got here as quickly as I could' He stood behind her, his arms slipping round her svelte waist and enveloping her.

She didn't sink back into him as usual. She was rigid, on guard and he wanted to save her. Take this away for her. Make it all better. He kissed her shoulder. 'Why didn't you call? Why didn't you tell me?' He murmured.

'Do you think white or red flowers? White right?'

'Peyton'

'Red isn't right, it's associated with romance but white is so stereotypical...so ordinary...he wasn't ordinary he was extra ordinary'

He opened his mouth but she was speaking again before he could respond.

'I don't know if there's enough food for after-'

'Haley's sorted food, Brooke's taking care of the flowers' She turned toward the bed and out of his hold but he took her hands and obstructed her from looking at the service programme that was laid on the duvet covers. She trembled notably under his touch.

'Luke' She tried to shrug him off but he held steady.

'Hey. Don't push me away' a hand left her arm to tilt her face to look up at him. 'I'm here now. I'm here' He brushed her hair back and she could see the tears in his eyes and resented him for them. 'I'm so sorry' He pressed their foreheads together and swaddled her in his safe arms again. 'You told me everything was okay'

'I didn't want to make you come back for me' She whispered.

'This is where I want to be. Here with you, whenever you need me' He declared honestly.

'We knew it was going to happen right?'

'That doesn't make this easy' He hoarsely muttered. It's not easy for him either. He knew this man, loved this man, hell her Dad was a better father figure to him than his own.

She looked down. She knew he was awaiting her tears but she couldn't cry. She didn't know what was wrong with her. She'd cried non-stop for a whole week when she'd found out he was ill but now that he was gone there was nothing. She thought perhaps it was yet to sink in, was anticipating the relentless tears that were sure to come.

But she feared that her inability to cry, her stoney eyes and numb heart had a big something to do with the documents she'd stumbled on two hours before her father's death. The adoption papers that informed her of her entrance into the world. The papers that had her mind reeling. Who was she? Who were Larry and Anna Sawyer? What else was being hidden from her? Had she known them at all?

Her head pounded with the onslaught of unanswered questions.

So she couldn't cry. Because anger bubbled in the pit of her stomach because how dare he go without explaining? How dare he leave her? And that anger was a catalyst to the guilt that lodged its way in the back of her throat, the two emotions resulting in her tumultuous state.

Lucas ran his hand repetitively through her straightened hair.

And she wanted him to stop. Stop looking at her like she was broken. Wanted him to pretend with her that this wasn't happening at all.

'Make it go away' She pleaded, abruptly turning to face him with a sudden determination in her eyes. He could make it go away. The only one. She kissed the underside of his chin. He'd not had time to shave and the slight stubble there scratched at her porcelain skin. She inhaled. She loved that smell, that familiar Lucas smell. Loved him. So much it hurt sometimes. 'Please'

'Peyt' His brow furrowed and she knew what his expression meant, it meant no. It meant this isn't the time for that. 'I don't think-'

'You're the only one that can make it go away Luke' She cut him off. 'I don't need you to feed me some lame ass excuse about how I'm fragile and not emotionally stable. I know all of that and I just want to fucking forget about it and you can do that, you can make me forget for a little while'

And he couldn't say no to her. Not to that.

He cradled her face then.

'I love you' He professed.

'I know' Her brow furrowed slightly because she was thinking. Thinking far too much. Thinking about the people that had said that to her before. Thinking about her parents. Only she didn't have her parents anymore. And she wasn't so sure she even ever knew who they were any way.

'We'll get through this'

She wanted to yell that there was no "We" about it. He wasn't the one that had lost his mother at nine. He wasn't the one that had just lost his father. He wasn't the one that had just found out his parents weren't actually his parents.

But she knew her thoughts were unreasonable; she wasn't the only one that had faced struggles growing up. He'd lived through his fair share of difficulties. And she didn't want to argue. She didn't have the strength.

She wanted to forget.

So she nodded instead. And he kissed her. And she expected to have to coax him into this a bit more. She expected soft hands and gentle touches and delicate kisses. He kissed her assertively. And it was in that moment that she was reminded of how well he knew her. Because he was giving her exactly what she wanted, exactly what she needed. He was treating her like her father hadn't just died but instead like he'd not seen her in three weeks and wanted to ravish her senseless.

And that alone made her stomach knot with guilt because she wanted to be pissed at him because he was the only person close enough for her to take this all out on. There was no one else now. Just him. She clung to him fiercely. Kissed the side of his mouth. A silent apology for her thoughts. Sometimes she was sure he could see inside her head, sure he could read her thoughts. That both thrilled her and terrified her.

'It's alright' He assured her. 'I've got you' He whispered into he ear.

The back of her legs hit the bottom of the bed and he lowered her back onto the mattress. His large hands easily shifted her further up the bed, discreetly pushing the service programme off the bed and out of view as he did so.

The bedspread beneath them made him nostalgic; for an instant he felt like they were seventeen again. A time when his favourite pastime was to make out with her on this very bed.

But her hands didn't belong to a seventeen year old. They were well versed in the art of seduction, knew every part of him as though he were an intrinsic part of her own body.

Teenage lust no longer governed them, that part of their youth was long gone but they'd made it through to the other side. Made it to a young adult world. And up until now that world had seemed pretty great.

Her skilled fingers jerked his belt free and he wanted to slow this down and tenderly whisper sweet nothings but she didn't want that. He knew her so completely, knew she didn't want pandering to. No, she just wanted to forget. And he never wanted this to be like that. But he'd give her anything she demanded. So he hiked her dress up and as her nails dug into his back insistently he pushed into her. She bit her lip, stifling a whimper and her eyes closed shut. He swallowed thickly because it didn't matter how many times they did this, it never got old, he would never get tired of being with her like this. He took a moment, wanted to give her a second to acclimatise to his presence because she might have wanted rough but he knew that she needed a second even if she disagreed.

'Luke' she squeezed her legs around him, her heels pressing urgently into his lower back.

'Open your eyes' It would be his only insistence if he were to give her what she wanted because he wasn't about to let her exclude him.

She turned her head to the side and scrunched he eyes tight together.

She didn't get to use him in this way and push him away. He hooked his hand under her chin, jerking her head back to face him. 'Open your eyes'

His gruff tone tempted her lids to flutter open begrudgingly.

'Don't do that. You can't hide from me. Not when we're like this' He breathed, both his hands moving to cup her face and his thumbs soothingly drawing circles on her flushed cheeks. Her void eyes concerned him. She'd never been much of a sharer, something he'd long decided was a defence mechanism that had been put in place since her mothers untimely death when she was just a child. But it had never proved much of a problem because he could read her but right now he was struggling to tell what was going on behind her mesmerising eyes of green. 'I love you'

'I love you' She repeated with a little nod, her nose inadvertently brushing against his. 'I'm sorry' She whispered. 'I'm sorry'

He shook his head. He didn't want her apologies he just wanted her to stay with him in this. He gently withdrew and she whimpered as he rocked forward again, his forehead resting against hers. And he pinned her hands above her head and gave her exactly what she wanted, annihilating the reality of their present situation and instead taking them to somewhere else completely. And he wanted to keep her there, in that place where only they existed and there was nothing but bliss. Because he was scared, scared about what the next few days would hold, scared about how he was going to get her through this. But he didn't have a choice. Because he'd made a choice a long time ago now, he'd made his choice; she was his choice, she was the one he wanted beside him when his dreams came true and she was the one he wanted beside him if they didn't.