Hary Potter and the Power of Heaven
I Do not own rights either the Harry Potter Media Empire, Jonny the Homicidal Maniac, Southpark, or Orgazmo.
This is a work of Fan Fiction, and not intended for sale or other compensation
Harry looked around the grayed-out facsimile of platform nine-and-three-quarters. This was definitely not what he was expecting after staring down an Avada Kadavra. He supposed that he would just have to wait for the train to arrive, and hoped this wasn't some sort of purgatory where the train never did come. A polite, feminine cough sounded from behind him. Turning, he beheld someone that he had only formerly seen in photographs, and an odd mirror. "Mum!" he called out, rushing to his mother's side.
After finally releasing his mother, he looked over her shoulder at a dark and messy haired man who gazed on him with watering eyes. This time he was the recipient of the rushing hug
"Son!"
"Dad!" Harry fought back the tears at seeing his long lost father.
"Harry..." a sandy haired man said awkwardly, standing off to the side.
"Professor." Harry said solemnly, before breaking out in a grin, engulfing his uncle the werewolf in a hug, "Moony! none of that stiffness. if you can't relax after death, when can you?"
A true smile came to Remus Lupin's face, and he nodded. "It's good to see you, Harry."
A loud bark startled everyone into looking over at the entrance to the platform. Racing toward them was a big black dog, who sprang at Harry, transmogrifying mid-air into his dog-father Sirius.
The pair wrestled and laughed on the platform floor, which turned out to be surprisingly comfy. "Good to see you pup."
Before the two could continue their reunion, however, a dry cough came from the direction of the platform entrance.
"Mister Potter... Harry my boy, it's good to see you." spoke Albus Dumbledore, in his ever so slightly condescending grandfatherly tone.
"Professor." Harry replied non-committaly, his entire demeanor changed in an instant from happy and open to guarded and wary, much to the annoyance of the adults present.
"I hate to break up this joyous reunion, but I feel I tell you that you have to go back and kill Voldemort." Dumbledore sighed in a reasonable approximation of sadness.
"Wait, what?" Harry was flabbergasted. As far as he knew, death was a one way trip.
-Dumbledore explains the prophesy-
"So you see, Harry, I couldn't tell you or you would have been legilimensed into giving the game away, but now you must go back for the final confrontation. It was all for the greater good you..." suddenly Dumbledore's head exploded.
"You Effing bastard!" Lilly screamed. "You set us all up, and now you expect harry to just dance to your tune?"
A sad, defeated look came over Harry's face, "He's right though, Mum. He may be a sick, manipulating bastard, but if there is a chance to save innocent lives and stop Voldemort, I have to take it."
Lilly spent almost a full minute mumbling a string of curses mixed in with what sounded like, "Damned fool idealistic Potter men." while hugging the stuffing out of him. Finally she wiped a tear from her eyes and released him. "I'll miss you, my noble son. But don't come back too soon, not till you give me grandbabies." She finished with a wicked gleam in her eyes.
Harry blushed and squirmed uncomfortably at his mom's comment for a moment, before smirking back. "Fine, but you have to tell me how you exploded the head-bastard's head."
The former Marauders variously barked and snickered in laughter at his response.
"Oh, that's easy, anyone who has passed over can do it with a thought, along with a few other things." Replied his mother with an even bigger smirk.
_break_
Harry came back to awareness of his body to the accompaniment of Voldemort's self congratulations at killing him. Lifting his head carefully, so as not to attract attention, he took in the assembled Death-Eaters, and began to concentrate.
Tom was starting to warm to his exposition on his favorite subject, namely the greatness that was himself. "With the Potter brat gone, no-one can sstand against me... i mean usss. I will rule the world, fore all time." he rhapsodized euphorically. The first indication that anything was wrong was when a rumbling gurgle sounded from all around. Suddenly his minions faces went from ecstatic to panicked, with a side order of uncomfortable. Then came the wave of stench, and the tell-tale brown dribble from beneath the robes of the more traditionally minded dark wizards. The worst, though, was when, at some hidden signal, Every Death-Eater in the clearing literally lost their heads.
In shock, Voldemort cast about for the disillusioned Aurors, potion grenades, or whatever had caused this to happen, when from behind him came a voice that couldn't be possible.
"Sorry Tommy boy, but it's just so hard to find good help these days."
"Potter? But that's imposssible!" Voldemort practically stammered.
"By the way, James says 'Hi'." Harry said, before Voldemort's now headless corpse keeled over.
_break_
In the aftermath of the death of the Death-Eaters, the ministry crew, or what remained of them, attempted to have a party.
Ron walked over towards Hermione, practically swaggering to tell the truth. "Hey 'Mione, what say after this we go... urgh!" Suddenly, just as he put his hand on her shoulder, Ron crossed his legs, his eyes became unfocussed and a smile bloomed on his face.
"Ronald Weasley! did you just jizz in your pants!" Hermione shrieked in outraged incredulity, before disengaging his hand from her and storming off.
Across the room, Harry smirked into his cup of butter-beer.
