Regrets and Reminiscing

I sat in French, my head throbbing from the continual shouts emanating from the main social groups within the room. The lesson so far hadn't gone very well and no one seemed remotely interested in what we were actually supposed to be doing; you had the group that sat at the back, generally mucking about and purposely annoying the teacher. Then there was the group that sat at the front of the class who I'd already established were the "suck-ups". This was largely due to the fact that they spent their whole time moaning at the group at the back of the class, whining how they're 'ruining everyone else's education' etc…etc… Then there were the people who were over-dramatic about everything, arguing with anyone who did the tiniest thing they didn't like. Me? Well I was one of the very few people who just sat there. That is exactly what I did; partly this was because I had no wish to join in with the mayhem and actually wanted to learn the language. But mostly because this was my first French lesson and I didn't know anyone in the class.

The ticking of the clock echoed in my head, seemingly stuck upon the same time. Finally the bell rang signalling the end of lessons. I scooped up my belongings and shoved them in my bag. I slung the bag over my back and slumped along to the lunch hall. The smell of whatever the so-called food was they were serving hit me as soon as I opened the door. I scanned the room for someone I knew but had no luck. My headache was getting worse. I decided to go outside to the athletics track and eat lunch by myself.

When I arrived, I climbed high up into the stands and found an empty bench. Removing my bag and dropping myself down beside it, I put my head in my hands. I hated it, hated being the new girl, hated not knowing anyone. Well, I say no one – there was that one boy from the institute. I couldn't call him a friend though, I mean he was friendly enough towards me, if a little shy, but I'd only known him a day and anyway, he wouldn't want me hanging around with him. Where I came from, boys only accepted you as part of their group if you were dating one of them or were best friends with on of their girlfriends.

I closed my eyes. Voices flooded my head. After a short while of frantically trying to chase them away, I succumbed to them and started to think over all that had happened in the past month. It had all happened so quickly, I had been dazed by it all and not really had time to think it through properly. I missed my friends, my house, my family…me. I wasn't myself anymore, not in my opinion anyway. I was a freak, a nobody, an empty shell of a person.