I love you.
I cradled her shaking body in my arms.
"You killed her." I whispered incredulously "But you did not drink?" I was… utterly confused. And I hated myself for it.
On the forest floor lay the dead body of a woman. Alice had accidentally killed her while hunting, her visions somehow had not picked up on it. I was cradling her in my arms, consoling her. Alice was more in tune with humans than I.
Alice had never tasted human blood before, and she was younger than me. The urge should be greater, not less. Yet, she had broken off mid hunt out of repulsion for her deed. No blood even touched her lips.
Yet I, the monster. I sat here, consoling her, having committed a thousand worse deeds. My beautiful Alice had had a taste of that now. My beautiful Alice. She had been hurt, all because I hadn't been around to help her, to stop her, even. But she had not drunk the blood of the woman. She was still pure. I had… still protected her. Albeit very poorly.
And I was also, at that moment, fighting the urge to drink from the dead woman.
I closed my eyes, repulsed by myself.
Alice gave a shuddering sob, and I looked down in alarm. But she was not ensconced in my chest as before, she was looking up at my face, alarm and pain twisting her beautiful features.
"Don't." She whimpered. "No, Jasper, don't."
I swallowed thickly. She had felt what I had been feeling. My self hatred.
I blocked her out, shielding her pure mind from my dark thoughts.
"No!" She sobbed, wrenching her arms out of my grip.
She placed her hands on either side of my face.
"Jasper," She spoke with ringing command. "Listen to me… It wasn't… nothing is your fault." She pleaded with me, trying to make me see her way. I almost laughed at the irony. She was comforting me.
"Jazz…" She whispered, her eyes burning into mine, pleading. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean for you to feel this way-"
I covered her mouth with my finger and growled.
"You're sorry?" I hissed. "You have never tasted human blood, Alice. I have. I am a monster, Alice. You are what a demon such as myself must protect, so you don't… feel that."
She closed her eyes, sobbing dryly. She pulled away from me, trying to leave.
My anger and annoyance and self-condemnation vanished.
I had hurt her.
"No, Alice," I pleaded, apologizing. I hated myself more. "I am sorry, I didn't mean…"
She allowed herself to be pulled back into my arms. She twisted her face to mine.
"Then say it. Say you are not a monster, say… you love me." Her eyes burned through my soul.
I was slightly stunned. Didn't she know that I… then I looked at her expression, realizing. She needed to be told she was forgiven. As if she needed to be forgiven.
"Say it." She whispered.
I was fine with the latter, but I would not say the first part. It was not true.
"Please." She breathed. Her eyes burning brighter.
Her love, the sweeping light, washed over me, clear, stronger than ever. I had… an epiphany of sorts. She loved me. Loved me. I was a monster, that I knew, but I would pretend otherwise… just for her.
"I am not a monster." I spoke with conviction, my accent twanging. "But I do not love you, Alice. There is not a word strong enough for how I feel about you."
She closed her eyes in contentment. Her emotions slowly settled, peaceful, full of her love… for me. I would never fail to be surprised.
I pressed my lips to her brow, cradling my Alice.
We sat together, before going back to our current home, hand in hand. It would never cease to amaze me, that this perfect little creature could love someone like me; scared, broken. But, I am a selfish creature, I would never cease to hope that her love for me would remain intact. Even if she were to realize what a monster I am, I would continue to love her, no matter what. My Alice.
I love you.
