The Lake
Disclaimer: I do not own Ballykissangel or its characters; they belong to Kieran Prendiville and the BBC, although I would have taken better care of them!
A/N: I hate the way that the Reckoning ended! The idea that he never heard her say 'I love you' or got to kiss her and it bugs me. This is a way to slot fix those things without changing the ending of the episode, which I also hate but don't dare to deal with yet! I hope you like it and that it doesn't seem to out of character, especially for Assumpta!
We're at the lake. God, I haven't been here since I was a teenager. Yet here I am, with him. I glance over at him. "What?" I ask.
"Where did it all go wrong?" he asks in return. His voice sounds so tired. Sighing, I reply, a little annoyed at the question.
"Well it hasn't yet." He looks at me, realizing what I thought he meant, he falters trying to explain.
"No, I was thinking . . ." he makes a sweeping gesture. I think he's talking about his life. "It will though, won't it?" Now he's definitely talking about us. Us. I don't even know what that means anymore.
"I don't know, Peter. I don't know what you want." I think I know, but then I'm not sure. After all, he still has to say Mass at 8. Even though after last night I'm not sure he really wants too.
"I'd like some sleep" he sounds like he needs it, but it's not what I meant. He continues though, "I want to do the right thing." Oh God, I wish it was that simple!
"By who?" I ask. Already knowing the answer – everyone, he always wants the best for everyone!
"By you," he's looking at me, but I can't meet his eyes. He looks away, "The Church."
"Well, that's not possible," it comes out harsher than I'd meant it too.
"I'm not saying it is. I'm just trying to tell you what I want." It's so frustrating; he's still sitting on the fence! He has to choose, I can't make the choice for him.
"Well, that's no answer. I mean, you can't love us both!" As soon as it's out of my mouth, I regret it. I don't know that he loves me. Part of me is terrified to find out, either way. "I'm sorry, that was stupid!"
"No, it wasn't," he reaches out an arm and stops me, turning me to face him. I hope my apprehension doesn't show on my face. "It really wasn't" I shuffle my feet a little and sigh. "You must know how I feel about you."
I look at him in amazement, "How would I know that?" I ask.
"Assumpta, are you serious?" he looks so shocked; I'm a little taken aback. "I think about you every minute of every day." The look on his face, it seems so obvious now. "It's like I'm working on auto pilot. I take a wedding or a funeral, I hear confession, I say Mass, I say the words, but it's you that I'm thinking of." I feel my heart soar at the idea that he really loves me, as much as it scares me! "I can't sleep because you keep me awake. Am I getting through to you?" I let out a terrified little giggle and smile like a school girl, dragging my eyes back up to him. "Apart from that, you mean nothing to me!" he shrugs, turning to carry on walking. His attempt to lighten the mood is not lost on me, but I will not be distracted by our usual banter.
"Well, I had no idea." He looks at me with real surprise on his face.
"I thought the dogs on the street knew" He has a point there, all those sly little digs Brendan has, the Doc giving me his number, I thought the just suspected how I felt; now I realize! I'm still frustrated with him though. If he'd just said . . .
"Do you think I'd have gotten married if I knew how you felt?" He looks shocked, and slightly hurt.
"If you were in love with someone else, then sure . . . Why not?" I look down at the ground, avoiding his gaze. I hurt them so much, both of them, being so selfish! Peter looks out at the lake, "Were you?" I still can't look in his eyes.
"I – I liked him," I manage, taking a deep breath I plough on, admitting what I've never even really acknowledged to myself before. "I thought in time . . . he would drive you out of my head." I look up and meet his eye. He looks . . . relieved . . . "Weird, isn't it?" he looks away then looks back and reaches for me as he says, "How something can sound so exhilarating and depressing at the same time!" He places a hand on the back of my neck, pulling my close, and pressing his lips to my forehead. He holds me against his chest and his hand runs back and forth through my curls as he rests his head against mine.
We stay like this for a moment, and I listen to his heart beat. I put my hand on his chest, making small circles with my finger tips. I turn my head to the other side, my forehead resting on the skin of his neck. I nuzzle it, tilting my head slightly too gently press my lips to it, in a reversal of last night. I can feel his heart beat speeding up against my hand. He slips the hand from my hair under my chin, gently tilting my head back and looking into my eyes. Slowly, he leans down, my eyes slip shut, and I feel him hesitate, mere millimetres away from my lips. I close the remaining distance and brush my lips against his. I know we shouldn't, that he's a priest and it's wrong. But he loves me, and I him, so how wrong can it really be? His lips move against mine and his fist is tangled in my hair again. Our kiss grows more passionate and I snake my arm around his back, pulling him flush to me. His lips part and I feel his tongue brush across my lower lips. I open mine to him and he gently massages my tongue with his. I run mine across his teeth and a shiver goes down his back. Reluctantly, we break the kiss and he buries his head into my neck, panting for air.
As we both begin to calm down our breathing he presses a gentle kiss just below my ear and whispers, "Assumpta, I love you so much."
Kissing his temple I whisper back, "I love you too, Peter" I can feel him smiling as he pushes his lips against my neck again. Then he leans back, a serious look on his face.
"Will you marry me?" he asks. I'm a little shocked by the question. But the answer is so obvious!
"Of course, if you'll have me!" He smiles, this amazing smile and I smile back.
He kisses me again, just a gentle meeting of our lips and whispers "Just as soon as I can!" Smiling, we walk a little further along the sand, hand in hand. He draws me up to the grass and sets down his coat, sitting down. I surprise him by placing mine in front of him and sitting in between his legs. He wraps his arms around me and presses a kiss too my shoulder before resting his chin on it. I place my arms over his, and smile a smile of absolute genuine happiness. Everything is going to be alright, it's going to be hard, but we'll get through it. Together!
