a/n: there is a spoiler in this fan fiction. if you want to know it, please read on. if you don't then WHY THE HELL DID YOU CLICK ON IT??!!!

discalimer: i do not own fruits basket. BUT when i'm eighteen, and am accepted on who wants to be a millionaire, and i win (of course, i'll win, i'm an evil genius), THEN i can buy the rights off Natsuki Takaya!!

p.s.- i do not actually know what happens beside the fact of akito's gneder, so disregard the rest as poppycock and foolishness creted by a deranged and somewhat depressed author. enjoy.

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God is cruel. He can smite me with lightning, but I do not care. It's true. god must enjoy mocking us, the human race. he probably thinks all the crap we've done with our planet is funny- we probably make him laugh while he sits on some gilded throne drinking Chianti. We must be source of humor to him, why else are we still on this planet? I know he must have had a jolly laugh at the time of MY birth- oh yes! What sort of corrupt mind must this 'god' have to curse me with this female form?! I hate it! The limitations of this body are the main cause of my frustration.

Kureno thinks that portraying me as male will gain more respect for me- but the cursed members of this family do not respect me. When merely my name is mentioned, fear contracts their pupils. I am feared- the 'All Powerful Akito'; fear my great and mighty strength! That is who I have become, who I was created to be. But is it really me? Am I even a real person....or just a piece of clay, fashioned to fit the 'head of family' mold.

"You are the caretaker of this family. You are to put their needs first"

Damn Kureno. He's the only one who really knows me. He's the one who created me- like Doctor Frankenstein. He is the keeper of the monster.

I am a misfit in society and always will be.

The other members of the Zodiac...they know true freedom.

I however am bound in chains, chains that the curse that flows through their very veins created.

We all live in the Garden of Eden, but we who are cursed are the flowers that grew up under the treacherous tree of temptation. The noisome nectar of the poisonous fruits fell upon the earth from which we grew. We were born of evil. The cursed members of the Zodiac grew from under this tree, but in such a place that the sun's forgiving rays fell upon them, giving them hope, and a taste of life. I however, I am rooted near the trunk so that the very roots of this tree corrupt the ground I live in. I have never seen the light of a new day, shining brightly. Therefore, I am crippled and bent upon my loathsome self in a disturbing way. My ruling emotion is hatred, a strong, deep hatred for the cursed zodiac members.

They grow up poisoned, true, but god has smiled upon them, and given them hope-- A hope by the name of Tohru Honda. From my loathing has sprung jealousy, jealousy for their hope. For Tohru. She has gained their trust, their respect. She holds them all in the palm of her hand. That used to be me- I used to be the evil puppeteer who contorted them into uncomfortable positions for my own pleasure. Now she runs the show.

There is no need for me on this earth any more. My purpose in life was to reign in control over the Sohma family. Now all I do is watch as Tohru makes them...happy. I have failed my test- I have lost control. I am no longer an object of fear, but the forgotten Sohma. I am as good as dead to them. Why not fulfill their wish, and rid the earth of such treachery?

As Shakespeare so nobly wrote, "O happy dagger! This is thy sheath; there rust, and let me die." My very own happy dagger has been waiting. I can not put of the inevitable, only delay it a while. I have waited earnestly for this day, when my miserable life will be no more. I will no longer have to hear the screams of terror in my mind. I will no longer abide by the rules. My purpose was for evil, but it was destroyed by that of something good. May my last act in this world be recognized as repentance for all the turmoil I have brewed, all the devilry I have caused. Let this, my last deed be conceived as.....dare I say it, good.

Oh...suicide is such a happy word.

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a/n: okay... this was a one-shot so don't expect any more, i have never written angsty before, and i don't think i will ever try again. please R&R anyway though- i really need feedback on this one, it is kinda a part of me. please comment, i want to known what you think.

thanks for reading this!