Hello

This is a new fic that I thought of a while ago but I never submitted it until now. It's inspired by the song "Cold" by Crossfade. Anyway I hope you guys like it and feel sympathy for Draco.

Disclaimer: I do not own the song, the characters or settings mentioned

Warnings: None

Enjoy!


"Shit!" He threw the crunched up ball of paper against the door watching it roll on the floor stopping near the other 5 crunched up paper balls. Draco had been sitting in an ancient wooden chair in his dusty room at the Leaky cauldron for the past 5 hours, scratching his head then writing something before throwing it away again. He looked at the new paper he had in front of him on the desk. The white scroll tormented him and challenged him to write something. Write what? you might ask, a love letter perhaps? No, it was too late to speak of love. Maybe it was a letter of redemption? But that would take too many life times. No it was a letter, a simple letter from one person to another. Then if it was as simple as that then why couldn't he write a single thing? He came to one conclusion: "Bloody Potter!"

He cursed Potter for what was the millionth time before he grabbed his feather pen. He dipped it in ink watching as the black ink brought back bad memories, before putting it on the paper.

Dear Potter . . .

This isn't some silly hufflepuff love letter you gryffindors expect, this is simply a letter from me to you. Now before I begin, I want to tell you why I'm writing this to you. I'm pretty sure you have other people to be saving but I think this letter might help you understand somethings.

As a Malfoy, i was brought up as a snobbish little child always getting what i wanted even if it caused despair to others. I learned that i didn't get everything i wanted when i met you. I admit I was over confident thinking that my extended hand in friendship would not be denied but you proved me wrong, just like every other time we faced each other. It was the first turning point of what steadily became a decent into hell. Not just for me but for you too. I always thought that as a Malfoy everything would be easy. I would become a Death eater like my father and make the Malfoy line prosper by getting married to some other girl (most likely some cousin of mine from another country) and have little Malfoy babies who would become my perfect clones. Exactly how I was brought up. Even while we were dating in 7th year, i never once thought about the pain you could be going through. I always thought that it was your destiny, that you surely were equipped with some sort of manual to save the world. That my inane existence in this world was more important than the nightmares that often haunted you. I was always wrapped up in my own problems that i didn't notice the pain you carried like chains, pulling you further down. Even with those chains you still managed to escape. My chains are still attached, new and growing. You were there for me even when i rejected your help and shouted at you. You were the antidote that kept me high, that forced me to keep trying.

I'm Sorry.

After the war, I left you. I left the lifeless shell you had become. Leaving you in the care of others who knew you well and would, and did, better than I would have done, if I had remained at your side. I'm sorry about all the lies. I thought that lying was the easiest way to get out of any situation and it was easy but it was your lifeless eyes that didn't make it so. You probably asked yourself why i left? or had you done something wrong that made me leave? No, you did nothing and that was the problem. During my times of need you were always there to put the broken pieces of me back together, but after the war i had to put you back together while keeping myself intact. I tried, i swear i did! I tried everything to keep us both alive, but i could feel the hidden part of me resurface. The part i hated of myself above all else. The fragile part that needed your help the most. The one that stayed behind the cold wall you knew existed but waited for it to crumble by itself. The more I saw you, the more my wall crumbled. So I left. There was another reason though. You. You were always there to patch me up, to make me be as human as possible. I couldn't stand on my own two legs without you by side to help me up. I decided that if i really wanted to claim you back or make sure you were happy without begging for you to have me back while you were in the arms of another, then i would have to be strong enough not to beg at your feet or cry. I have successfully become that kind of person. After writing this letter, i planned to give it to you in person and congratulate you with my usual smirk then disappear. As long as you are Happy then all the efforts, lies and sadness i put you through had a purpose.

I'm sorry.

Again, i say the words to you that would have my ancestors rolling in their graves. I say it to you because you are an exception, and always have been. In Hogwarts you were the only exception, the only person who could stand up to me, the only person who could make me want to fight, the only person that made me want to love. You, Harry James Potter, the pain in my ass, my rival, my lover, my friend, my heart. You took everything that belonged to me and kept them greedily. Although i can't blame you and i don't have the strength in me to do so.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for being so cold. Even when we were together i was cold towards you, and yet you accepted me, embraced me, loved me and gave your heart to me willingly. I kept this wall up to protect myself. What kind of normal person would stay with someone as cold as i was? No one would. That's why i protected myself from you. I became cold and kept my distance so when the time came that you would finally see that I wasn't worth it and you would leave me, i wouldn't be affected. Even though in the end i still got affected didn't I? My distance changed you and hurt you in so many ways that it affected me none the less. I guess for me there's just no hope.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry this isn't just a regular letter like i said it would be. Instead it became a letter of eternal devotion. One that i hadn't thought i would one day write.

No matter how many times i say it, nothing will change, but i will say it anyway: I love you.

Sincerely yours,

Draco Malfoy

Draco finished the letter, scanning it quickly for any mistakes as he got up from his chair and headed towards the door. He descended the numerous flights of stairs and entered the dinning hall/bar of the leaky cauldron where some early witches and wizards took salvage in the inn's warmth. He took out his wand, tapping the scroll lightly twice as it sealed itself. He placed the scroll in the inside of his coat as he walked out into the snow. Looking up at the sky, he thought of the address of his destination before turning on the spot.


End of the first chapter ^^

please review to tell me what you think.