ONE SCARY WORD

You've probably heard of it .... SUICIDE.

This is my story in my own words... just for those who wonder about it.. don't!

Okay.. so it started in sixth grade, their was this certain group of kids who loved to annoy the shit out of me... and usually it didnt get to me..

Except it just kept getting worse and worse...

and on top of that my dad wasn't talking to me as much and it was driving me crazy,he wouldn't reply to texts or answer my phone calls.

you would think that a person who was going to commit suicide would wear black all the time. Right? well that wasn't the case.. my favorite color was red and i was a person with a mask of hapiness but in the end i was extreamly depressed.

The only one who knew about my plans were my bffl(who wont be named sowwy)

He tryed to change my mind but i was already set on doing it..

On a certain day, i decided to go through with it. i was going to hang myself with a belt.

As i held the belt in my hand, i thought about my family,friends, and where i would go when i die. The one thing that kept popping in my head was the image of my siblings crying over the loss of their older sister.

I realised i couldn't leave them like this, they need an older protecter and thats what my purpose was. What surprises me the most is how obvlibious parents are to whats going on, my mom had no clue until i told her about it three years later and i didnt give her details..she didn't need to know about it.

But what really brought back those old memorys was in eigth grade, when i walked in to my french class and i see one of my "Lil sisters" with her eyes red from crying. when i asked her why she was crying, she told me it was because one of her friends had comitted suicide in the same way i was going to. i was strong during the school day, but when i got home i started crying more than i ever had before. i hated myself because i couldnt believe that three years ago , i wouldv'e done this much pain to my friends, i couldn't believe that now her friend wasn't on this earth he was six feet beneath to this day, i live it like its my last.

i laugh at the little things in life,i try not to argue with my parents, i smile constantly and i really don't care what people say about me.

if its one thing i hope that i can do, i hope its to change someones mind about commiting a really big mistake... theres so much to live for !