Ties That Bind

By Laura Schiller

Based on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

Copyright: Paramount

"How could this happen?"

Mrs. Tigan was sitting at her desk in her sunlit office, hiding her eyes with one hand, shaking her head. She looked about ten years older than she had a few days ago: hollow-eyed and moving slowly, as if she had not slept. Ezri knew the feeling. She probably looked that way herself.

She placed a steaming cup of Trill coffee on her mother's desk and hovered for a moment. She felt there was something she ought to say, some word of comfort; she was a counselor, for goodness' sake! Why couldn't she help her own mother?

Because she felt the same, that was it. She couldn't analyze this. The last she had seen of her brother Norvo, he had been marched out of the courtroom between two blue-uniformed security guards, sentenced to thirty years of prison for murder. Norvo, whose beautiful paintings still stared at her from the walls. Norvo, whose sardonic comments could always make her laugh. Norvo, who had displayed all the signs of mental unbalance which his trained therapist of a sister had completely missed.

"Mother doesn't approve of suicide. All that blood on the carpet …"

"Not funny!"

"I should have known," said Mrs. Tigan, breaking the silence, unconsciously echoing Ezri's thoughts. "I never meant … I've been a terrible mother to all three of you, haven't I?"

Ezri fidgeted in place. Her mother would know if she told a lie.

"Well … not exactly terrible … I mean, know you always wanted the best for us … "

"You were right." Mrs. Tigan dropped her hand on the desk and looked up at her daughter sharply. "You were right! You told me I made him feel trapped and powerless. But how could he not understand? I put those pictures up to encourage him, not upset him! How should I know he wasn't just being modest? And when he said he needed a vacation, and couldn't explain why – well, why should he have gone when I needed him at the business? It never occurred to me he was becoming a – a – "

She couldn't say it. She took a sip of coffee, grimaced, and pushed it away.

"It's the little things that get to you, aren't they?" said Ezri, taking a seat in the chair opposite her mother. "You look back and you think, how could I have missed that? What should I have done differently to prevent this?"

"Ezri?"

Mrs. Tigan surveyed her daughter closely, then blinked. Something bright glittered at the older woman's right eye and ran along her cheek.

"Oh, my dear … you blame yourself, don't you?"

Ezri's own eyes began to burn. "If only I'd come home more often … I'm a counselor, I should have helped him!"

"And I'm the head of Tigan Enterprises!" Mrs. Tigan snapped. "I should have been able to save the company, without Janel having to throw his lot in with the Orion Syndicate! I'm their mother and employer, I should have known they were up to no good!"

Ezri let out a watery little laugh. "At this rate, we're going to have a blame contest. Truce?"

"Truce.." Mrs. Tigan rubbed her temples as if she had a headache.

"I put so much pressure on all three of you," she continued. "I can see that now. After your father left us, all I wanted was to keep you close to me – keep you safe. So I pushed you into joining the family business, even Norvo, who had – has – such talent as an artist. I told myself I was looking out for his future, that being an accountant was so much safer as a profession. I wanted to support him – instead I broke him. Janel, too – if he hadn't been so anxious about my approval, he would never have gone to the Orions. How could they not understand? I love them. I love you all. I only wanted you to be happy."

Ezri stood up, walked behind her mother's chair, and wrapped her arms around her from behind. Tears dropped into the older woman's thick brown hair, which was already showing more gray than it had a week ago. Mrs. Tigan covered her daughter's hands with her own. Neither of them spoke for a while.

Ezri found herself thinking of Audrid, one of Dax's hosts, whose daughter had not spoken to her for eight years. Audrid hadn't understood either – at least, only with her brain, not her heart. It had seemed to unnatural for the child of her blood to turn against her. Ezri had been on both sides now, so to speak, and thought she might begin to understand.

At any rate, she knew what Audrid would have wanted most to hear.

"I love you too, Mother," she said, meaning it.

Mrs. Tigan swivelled her chair around and looked up at her daughter with shining eyes.

"Gods, Ezri, I'm so sorry," she said. "To think I was upset with you for joining Starfleet, or getting landed with that symbiont of yours, or not visiting enough! All that time and brainspace I should have spent on being proud of you. I am proud of you, you know that?"

Ezri flushed. "You are?"

"Well, of course!" For a moment, Mrs. Tigan's eyes flared up with the old spark. "You're a bright, beautiful girl with a promising Starfleet career ahead of you, one that satisfies you more than working in my company ever could. You're handling that symbiont quite gracefully too, considering your lack of training. You're my daughter. Of course I'm proud of you."

Ezri felt a smile spreading over her face. If Mrs. Tigan could use that haughty tone of voice, she had to be feeling better.

"Thanks, Mother," she said. "That means a lot."

The next time Mrs. Tigan twitted her about her short hair, pronoun problems, infrequent transmissions or lack of a husband (which, no doubt, she would), Ezri would just try as hard as she could to remember those last few words.