"Naya," Heather came to stand in front of me, blocking out the sunlight and removing the glare from the screen of my phone. I looked up at her, squinting my eyes and looking around. Was she talking to me? We hadn't had a un-work related conversation in months. I cleared my throat and locked my phone, slidding it under my thigh before looking up to meet Heather's gaze.
"Yeah?" My voice shook, and I internally cursed myself for letting my emotions show through. Ever since that night in '11, I'd gotten good at putting on a facade and pretending to be okay. Only when Heather came around, did it completely shatter.
Sitting down beside me in the folding chair, she looked to her hands as her thumbs twiddled nervously. "I need to tell you something... Something that I'm not quite sure how to say."
I wasn't sure what was coming. I knew it couldn't be good, actually, I was certain that it wasn't going to be good. She avoided eye contact, and no matter how hard I tried to get her to look at me, she wouldn't. I swallowed, nodding, unable to find my voice and afraid of what it would sound like if I did speak.
I watched as her eyes finally met mine and for the first time in a long time, blue met brown in a mix of emotion and... guilt? What did she have to be guilty about? Other than the obvious. I mean, she did choose her stupid boyfriend over me. Keeping our gazes locked, I put up the ex-bestfriend front and rested a palm on her knee comfortingly.
"You can tell me, Heather."
It was a strange thing, being so disconnected from each other that we actually used full names. Sensing her tension, I pulled my hand from her knee and dropped it into my lap, wishing she would have just never came over to talk to me in the first place. Things like this still her too much.
Her eyes locked with mine once more before she cleared her throat and took a deep breath. "I-I'm pregnant."
And just like that, I felt my entire world shatter down around me. My body went stiff, rigid. I couldn't move, and I definitely couldn't breathe. It seemed like time had slowed down, everything around me fading out to a distant buzz. Pregnant? The love of my life was pregnant. There was no turning back now.
I had always thought she would come back to me- that somehow, someway, we could reconcile and fix everything that was broken between us. Now, that just wasn't an option. I realized how stupid I was. How naive was it to believe in something as unrealistic as serendipity and fate? It was like everything that I had ever fought for- had ever wanted- was just ripped from my hands. Nothing would be okay anymore.
"Say something, please." Heather's voice drew me out of my thoughts and I shook my head to try and regain my barrings. I couldn't meet her eyes, not after this. Suddenly, the color of my nails seemed very interesting and I picked at the paint.
"That's great, Heather. Congratulations... You'll be a great mother."
I couldn't hold back the tears anymore and I stood up abruptly, almost knocking the chair back. I couldn't be near her, couldn't look at her, without the ache in my chest increasing ten-fold. I grabbed my phone, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear.
"Tell Taylor congrats." I spat, turning on my heel and taking a stride forward.
Feeling cool fingers wrap around my wrist, I turned back around and jerked my arm away from her. I shouldn't have been angry, she was pregnant, and that was a magical thing. But it didn't make it hurt any less. It was just validating her choice and making it that much more final.
"Please, don't touch me." I begged, wiping a stray tear off of my cheek.
"This doesn't change anything," Heather pleaded, stepping closer to me.
I felt smothered, taking a step back and shaking my head. I couldn't stand here any longer. I had to get away. I turned away from her, taking in a deep breath and trying to collect myself. How could she say something like that? How does it not change things? Then again, things were already so different.
Before walking away, I turned to look over my shoulder at her one last time. "It's hard to change things between us when we haven't had anything for a long time."
I think I made it halfway to my trailer before the tears started gushing from my eyelids. I stumbled foreward, gasping for air and sinking down to the ground in between Dianna and Kevin's trailers. I brought my knees up to my chest, thinking that it would hold me together and keep the hole in my chest from tearing me apart completely. Letting my head fall onto my knees, and letting out a violent sob, I promised myself I'd stay out of her life from now on.
Completely.
There was no going back now.
Fin.
