Ok so there are probably going to be tons of DL stories after last nights episode but I had to try one too. It gave me a spark of hope that the writers aren't completely insane. I don't know how most people will take this but it's probably better than the story I wrote before the episode where Danny and Rikki both end up dead, I erased that one without publishing my kill Danny muse died after the touching scenes. Anyway I don't own CSI or Danny and Lindsay and for now this is just a one shot but let me know if you think I should continue.

"Shit." Danny whispered wiping the stray tears from his eyes and walking to the door praying it was Lindsay, that she'd changed her mind and wanted to talk. "Hey." He said swallowing hard seeing her standing in front of his door dripping wet and shivering. "Come in." He said and she nodded still not sure what to say or do noting that he looked like he'd been crying. "Ya freezing." He said fighting the urge to reach up and cup her cheek, just to touch her again.

"Yeah." She said nodding and closing her eyes. "Can I borrow a shirt?" She asked cold and rain seeped through her coat and clothes making her feel the chill bone deep.

"Yeah yeah." He said walking into his bedroom and flipping on the light relieved that maybe she intended to stay. He opened the drawer with his tee shirts and she nodded pulling off her wet trench smiling lightly as he took it from her. He walked into the living room to give her privacy and hung her wet coat up before plopping down on the couch in the mostly dark room. He didn't know what to say, part of him never wanted her to know about what happened with Rikki but the other part of him felt like it would haunt him if he didn't tell her. He closed his eyes laying his head back guilt and pain from both his betrayal and the loss of Ruben weighing so heavy on him that he felt sick. This was how he'd felt for weeks now, unworthy of life and so damn guilty that he could barely function. He knew he'd been lucky that Mac was giving him a break at work because his mind wasn't in it, wasn't on anything except regrets. He had enough regrets to fill a lifetime and part of him wondered if maybe this was gods way of punishing him, that he didn't deserve Lindsay. He'd been drinking the night they had sex, the details were blurry except for both of their tears. When he'd gotten up in the morning he'd almost felt better for a second, felt like maybe he could take away some of her pain but then Lindsay had called. Guilt and shame had hit him full force but he'd let himself get frustrated with her, felt like she thought she knew how to make him feel better when he couldn't figure it out himself. So he'd lied to her, then he'd kissed Rikki, convinced her to stay for another round trying to push Lindsay out of his mind. He'd stopped, they hadn't gone much farther than kissing before Lindsay's heart broken face overwhelmed him but the damage was done. Rikki agreed that it was a mistake, she promised him that it was forgotten, that she understood but he felt bad for using her. He'd told himself that it was to make her feel better but he'd been trying to forget some of his guilt, to forget and instead ended up taking the chance that he'd lose the most important part of his life. Ruben trusted him too and he'd never get the picture of his friend laying cold and lifeless on the morgue slab. He tried to hide how much even walking into the morgue affected him now but he broke out into a sweat and the first time he'd gone in he'd had to leave to go throw up. "God." He whispered taking a deep breath fighting his emotions not wanting to lose control.

"Danny." She whispered seeing him struggling as he laid with his eyes closed and head back.

"Yeah." He said shaking his head and forcing a smile.

"Don't." She said shaking her head and moving forward to straddle his lap holding his face so that he had to look at her. "Don't lie." She whispered eyes bright with tears.

"I'm sorry." He whispered clenching his jaw wanting so badly to pull away, to get some space to get himself together first before they talked.

"I can't keep investing in this if you can't trust me." She whispered resting her forehead against his. "You think I don't know you hurt?" She asked feeling his fingers sinking into her hips and holding her. "I hurt for you Danny, I know how bad that feels and it can't compare to what you're feeling. Trust me that when I went through my friends being murdered I did some crazy stuff, I pushed people away all my life until you. I tried to push you away but you were the only person to ever push back." She said heart racing.

"I'm sorry."

"I know." She said nodding sighing gently. "Danny I know you are." She whispered cupping his face and meeting his intense blue gaze. "Stop feeling guilty please." She whispered hoping she was doing the right thing. "I know." She said pain gripping her. "I know that you did some things you're ashamed of." She said blinking back tears as he closed his eyes letting her know that she was on the right track. "We have to move past this, I'm prepared to move forward and I have to know if you willing to do that with me, if not I need you to let me go." She whispered losing the battle as several tears slid down her cheeks.

"I want to, I want to be wit ya." He said eyes bright with tears. "I fucked up, so much but baby I love you."

"I have to know if you're sure about us." She whispered voice barely above a whisper as she struggled not to sob.

"I am, I didn't know how sure I was I admit dat." He said nodding slightly. "Linds I don't wanna be without ya, I need you." He said eyes shining with sincerity. "I'm positive and I won't push ya or hurt ya again I swear to God."

"This isn't a get out of jail free card Messer." She said forcing a smile. "I am the only woman in your life, in your bed." She said softly. "Don't hurt me again."

"I won't." He said sniffling. "I needed ya." He admitted. "I feel so guilty, I can't get past it." He said laying his head back. "I thought for a while I was fine, dat I didn't need anyone or their pity but I wasn't fine. I don't think I'm fine now."

"There is no quick fix, you just go day to day." She said scooting closer to his warm body and laying her head on his strong chest sighing as he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer and resting his head in her neck.

"I missed ya so bad." He whispered inhaling the scent of her hair and closing his eyes feeling more at peace than he'd felt since Ruben died.

"I missed you too." She whispered feeling his heart beating against hers as they clung to each other. She wanted to ask him, wanted to know about the woman but didn't really feel like she had a right. She wanted to move forward and did understand looking for comfort. She'd searched for it without finding it for years and had been lucky that she'd come out as unscathed as she had. She wanted him to trust her and for him to do that they had to start fresh, with a clean slate and she'd never had any reason not to trust him before. She was hurt that he couldn't come to her but could understand a little bit of why. She'd been so angry as a teenager, people kept trying to make her feel better, they'd say they were sorry and act like they knew how she felt and she'd run from them. Part of her didn't want their sympathy, didn't want to feel less guilty, if she felt less guilty she'd have nothing left. "When I was 16 I got arrested for being drunk with this loser on a bridge, public intoxication." She whispered closing her eyes. "When my mom picked me up she was disappointed, so disappointed. She asked me why I was with this guy, what was I looking for." She whispered hot tears leaking out onto his shoulder. "I told her I just wanted someone who understood, someone that didn't judge me or feel sorry for me. She said I didn't have to leave home to find someone, that she was there and she didn't know what to say, didn't know how to heal me but that she loved me, that loving me had to be enough." She whispered feeling him clutch her tighter. "I don't know what to say Danny, I don't know what you're looking for but I'm here and I love you. I want to be your person."

"I freak when I walk into the morgue." He whispered voice harsh with emotion. "Rips my fucking guts out and I almost can't go in there." He said tears soaking into her shirt. "Feel sick, same as when I come home, I can barely be in my house, I can't breath in the hall, I keep." He stopped taking a ragged breath. "I see him, poppin out to see if I want to go toss da ball around. He was a good boy." He whispered clinging to her. She nodded waiting for him to talk more if he needed. "I'm afraid ya won't wanna have kids wit me, dat ya think I won't keep em safe." He choked out.

"Danny." She said pulling back and shaking her head. "Baby that's your fear, not mine." She said firmly. "Never mine, I would never fear that." She said brushing the tears off his cheeks. "I know, I know Danny that if you could have, you would have taken that bullet for him. There isn't nor will there ever be any doubt in my mind and if and when we have children I know you'll be a great father, I know you'll do everything in your power to keep them safe." She insisted smiling lightly when he nodded reaching up to scrub at his eyes hating his tears.

"My pop, he's fucked up." He said relaxing a little feeling a little better just talking to her. "He hated me, hates everyone and I don't like talking bout em." He admitted shaking his head. "Guess I always thought I wouldn't have kids cause I never wanted to turn out like him. What did ya mean about if and when?" He asked and she smiled.

"I want kids." She assured him and he nodded smiling.

"I never did til you." He said softly. "I never had to many dreams besides my job til you."

"Tell me your dreams?" She asked and he smiled and nodded turning on the couch and stretching out adjusting her small body to his side so he could look at her and run his fingers through her hair.

"I'm thinking we'll get married and have bout 6 kids." He said smiling as she snorted and smiled up at him. "We can talk bout the number but at least 3." He said and she nodded smiling. "Maybe we get a house, ya know something wit a yard cause you'll send da kids out to run to wear em down cause I was a hyper little bastard and my kids will probably be da same." He said and she laughed resting her hand on his chest.

"Will we have a mini van?" She asked and he looked horrified for a second.

"No." He said shaking his head running his hand down her arm. "Man when me and Lou were kids my ma used to have dis old shitty station wagon, ya know da kind wit da seat in the very back?" He asked and she nodded watching him. "She made me ride in the very back cause if I was close to Lou we'd fight and she'd take us to school and we were always right in front of the school bus, all those kids watching me sitting there like a loser."

"Bet she told you something like it would build character." Lindsay said thinking of Danny's mom.

"Dat's exactly what she said." He said chuckling. "Hey Linds?" He asked softly and she nodded. "Do ya think it would be running from my problems to move?" He asked staring at the ceiling.

"I don't know." She admitted shivering as the cool night air brushed over her bare legs. "I think if it makes you feel better it can't be bad." She said not sure what the right answer was.

"I'm just thinking I'd feel better if I didn't always have to think bout it." He said lifting up to grab the blanket off the back of the couch and tossing it over both of them feeling her shiver every so often.

"Whatever you want I'll support you." She said and he smiled bending to kiss her head.

"I dunno, feels a little less closed in wit you here." He admitted softly. "I do love ya Lindsay."

"I know." She said nodding and smiling up at him tiredly. "I love you too." She said relaxing against his chest again.

"Oh you have got to be kidding me." Danny groaned hearing his cell phone ringing.

"Oh there's mine too." She said smiling tiredly. "I'll grab em." She said crawling off of him and jogging to her coat, grabbing her cell as she grabbed Danny's off the bar in the kitchen.

"Messer." Danny said smiling as Lindsay answered her phone.

"Crap." She said hanging up several seconds later seeing a frown on Danny's face. "Mandatory overtime." She said hating the thought of putting her wet clothes back on.

"Lucky us." Danny said sitting up and rubbing his face.

"Yuck." Lindsay said making a face as she walked out of the bathroom her wet clothes sticking to her.

"Here." He said handing her his rain coat. "Ya got spare clothes at work?" He asked and she nodded frowning as he started to move his motorcycle.

"Danny it's raining." She said and he looked up nodding.

"The subway is closed." He answered and she nodded. "Wait how did ya get here, did ya walk?" He asked looking almost horrified.

"No." She said smiling sweetly. "Don't freak but I took a cab." She said and his jaw dropped.

"Lindsay." He said shaking his head.

"I had my gun." She said shrugging as she slid his rain coat on.

"Lindsay." He said grabbing her arm as she reached for the door. "Promise me dat ya won't take a cab til dis is done?" He asked. "Ya don't know dat the windows aren't bullet proof."

"That's highly unlikely." She said frowning.

"Lindsay, I can't lose ya, I am gonna need a promise." He said staring at her.

"Fine." She said stepping closer and wrapping her arms around his middle hugging him. "I promise I won't take a cab anymore."