Family

Today started off as a typical day. I woke up, looked to my left, even though I didn't need to, to realize it was still empty since last week. My husband Edward and I were not seeing much of each other lately, supposedly he was "too busy with work" to come home and see the children and I, which is funny being that we have 9 kids together. They range from 14 to 11 months and he hasn't even been around. I turned away from that idea and looked at Dianne who was still asleep on the bed which didn't surprise me since she, along with me, was up till 4am last night crying her eyes out. I next looked to the alarm clock next to my side of the bed which stated it was 7:12am in bright red numbering, time to get up. I was tired but slowly got up since I had no more time to rest, I had already slept in. I went to the bathroom and quickly stripped then jumped in the shower. 10 minutes later I was out and in my towel getting my clothes when Dianne started to cry. I pulled on my favorite summer dress that was brown with a cute white design and knee length then picked Dianne up and rocked her in my lap until she had calmed down and was just lying there. Today was August 7th which meant the day I dreaded, school shopping day. I got my wedding ring from the nightstand with one hand while the other held Dianne close to my waist. I was slipping it on when all of a sudden Mark and Ryan came running into my room playing tag and yelling. "Stop it right now. Get downstairs and be quiet about it." I ordered in a whisper, I would have yelled but that would have made Dianne even more upset then she was right now.

I walked down the beige hallway after Mark and Ryan, whose feet was pitter pattering on the hardwood floor that would need to be mopped soon. As pictures of my life passed me by, all of a sudden I was remembering the moment connecting with every picture just like how I did everytime I walked out of my bedroom. The pictures were perfectly lined up on the left wall, the first picture was of me and Alina, my daughter, when I was 15 and she was 1. I remembered I took the picture for my mom because she wanted to see how Alina was doing after I moved to Forks to live with my dad. I can't believe how much time has passed because now I'm 29 and she's 14. I get nervous about her being that she's the age I was when I was pregnant with her and gave birth. The next picture was one with me, Edward and Alina in it. He became my boyfriend when I was 16 when others would cringe away from me because I was a mother but he didn't, he welcomed me and loved me, he even loved Alina like his own even though she wasn't biologically his. Alina's father, Alex, had left me when he found out I was pregnant and after that I thought I would be alone in this world with only Alina's company but that all changed with Edward. The picture after that one was me at 18 with a 4 year old Alina in my lap, a wedding ring on my finger, Edward standing next to me with a 1 year old Crimson in his hands. Crimson was my 2nd child and the 2nd oldest in our family not to mention, Edward's first child and daughter but now she's growing so fast now that she's 12.

The next picture was of me at 21 holding a 1 year old Stephanie, with Alina standing next to me who at that time was 7, and Edward was sitting next to me with a 4 year old Crimson in his lap, she was always such a daddy's girl. Stephanie is now 9 and is a tomboy, the first one in the family. The picture after that one is of a very pregnant looking me outside with Alina asking me for some money. That day was so great because it was the first time it was mildly hot outside so we decided on a BBQ that day and it felt so good to be around so much family. Katie, she was 2 at the time but is now 7, and a 6 year old Crimson playing in the sandbox and a 3 year old Stephanie playing with Hotwheels on the patio and it was all caught without Edward in the picture because he was the one who took it. The next picture was one of me with Mark and Makenna who are the only twins we have and are now 5. It was around the time right after the twins were born that Edward and I started drifting apart, at that time it was only him staying out late or being too busy to pick up Stephanie from soccer practice or Alina from her friend's house. The last picture on the long hallway to the stairs was one of me about 7 months pregnant with Dianne, Dexter was maybe 1 or a little less and Ryan was 2, that picture showed all the family together except Alina because she was at her dad's at this time, I always think of that picture because it was the only picture where I actually had to fake the smile on my face. After I found out I was having Dianne, Edward drifted completely away, he wouldn't come home for dinner and would stay out all night long sometimes only coming home to change clothes but soon that changed, because he just started taking extra clothes so he never needed to come home. Dexter, my 2 year old, always sleeps on his side now because he knows that his dad is not coming home. As I reach the stairs and descend I think of all the sad feelings I have and wonder if everything wrong in my marriage is my fault.