The Manic Adventure Of Sam, Zee, and Jackie

Chapter 1: The Daughters of The Intolerable Pigs Scrotums


The sounds of happily chirping birds whistled with the wind, opening her eyes drowsily the dark brunette was blinded by the bright light of the sun.

"Hm?" Blinking and groaning, the girl finally managed to clear her vision so that she could see. "Where am I?"

Pushing herself up, she noticed she was laying on grass that was lush and without any garbage among it. The trees looked like something one would see in a painting or drawing, too full of life to be real.

"Am I dreaming?" She asked herself softly, glancing at the beautiful scenery around her.

"I doubt that lass." The girl turned her left to find a strange short man on a small horse. Bulky and giving the impression of someone who sees himself as noble, he certainly wasn't a sight she was use to. "And why, may I ask, is a girl lost in a forest all by herself?" The short man was a sight she hadn't see before but she hadn't cared much.

The girl looked around, she wasn't alone when she passed out if her memory served right. "I don't know." She knew she was last with her best friends but where they could be she didn't know.

The short man sighed, he knew he couldn't leave her alone out here. It was against his traditions to abandon females as females were always valued "Come with me then."

"Huh?" the girl was hesitant to greedily accept the man's proposal, her imbedded stranger danger alarm was going off. "Um, I-I don't want to sound rude or ungrateful of you request but I don't know-"

"My name is Thorin Oakenshield, son of Thrain, son of Thror. Dwarf king of Erebor" he said to her, he was a bit pleased to see the display of shock that she showed toward the fact that he was a king. "I am traveling to the Shire to meet with my companions."

The girl looked at him funny, Thorin? The Shire? Erebor? Why did those name sound familiar? "I-I guess that works." Technically since he introduced himself he wasn't a stranger completely.

"And you girl?" he asked, giving a gesture toward her, "Your name?"

"Oh!" she blushed, "My name is Sam. Short for Samantha."

He gave her a funny look, she knew her name was common, though not popular, so she expected him to know it but he looked at her like he had never heard of it. Still, he said nothing about it so she didn't say anything else.

He nodded, "I won't make you walk, hop on." He scooted forward on his saddle to make room for her.

Sam stood from the spot she laid and made her way to Thorin, she really didn't think she could fit behind him on such a small animal. "Um, are you sure?"

"Would you rather I leave you?" he asked, raising his eyebrow at her. Sam was testing his patience and he was wasting enough time as it was.

"No, thank you I'll go." she hurried over to Thorin and his horse, which she now realized was a pony. Hopping on, she was surprised that the small animal could support her weight.

"Let us hurry, we should reach the Shire by night."

"Alright." Sam smiled though she was having butterflies in her stomach. Something was nagging at her about all this, something important.


Elsewhere another girl awoke to a stranger wondering if she was alright. This stranger was taller and older than the girl, dressed in rugged, grey robes, and carried a tall staff.

"What does a girl, so young and odd, doing out here alone and unarmed?" the elderly man asked, leaning against his staff.

The girl looked at the old man with a highly perplexed expression, "Huh?" her lip curled a bit, though not in disgust. The girl knew she was last with her friends and now they were gone.

The man sighed, the girl obviously wasn't from around here if her clothes were anything to judge by. Where could this child be from?

"Where am I?" she blurted out, looking at her surroundings, "Uh, Dude?"

The tall man looked at her, befuddled at the use of a word he had not ever heard of. "Do you speak to me child?"

The girl looked around and then turned to him sarcastically, "Uh is there anyone else around that I could be talking to? Yes, you."

"If you wish to speak to me, I would prefer you start by addressing me with my name instead of this 'dude'."

She looked at him with a blank expression, "You don't know what a dude is do you?" she rose her eyebrow as she spoke.

"No I do not." he answered with a curt nod, "And that matters little to me at the moment."

"Right," she agreed, standing up since she disliked sitting on the grass for too long. "and I would like to know where I am so could ya help me out?"

He sighed in slight annoyance and replied, "You are near the border of the Shire, home to hobbits. Did you have business here?"

"Hobbit?" she squinted her eyes a bit, "What's a hobbit?"

The man cocked his head to the side in confusion, "How can you not know what a hobbit is?"

"Uh, I don't know." she answered looking at him with a mix of annoyance and sarcasm, "Probably because I've never been here before! Like ever! In my life! Much less heard of the word!"

"Then my suspicion stands true, you are not of this world." he said, "And if that is so then you must have been sent by Mahal then."

"Who?"

He shook his head and continued, "Do not bother yourself with that. For now we should become properly familiar with one another."

"M'kay." she was confused with this man but then he probably was the same with her, "My name is Zee."

"Zee." he said her name a few times to get use to her name, "I am Gandalf the Grey."

"Gandalf?" the name sounded familiar but she couldn't pinpoint where she recognized it. "Huh, alright. Well then, I obviously have no clue where I am or what to do.."

"Worry not child." he smiled, extending his hand toward her, "You may join me on a quest."

"A quest?"

"Yes, I am traveling with thirteen dwarves and a hobbit on a quest of a lifetime."

Zee rolled the idea around in her head before deciding on going, "Ah fuck it why not."


Sam felt uncomfortable just sitting in silence, Thorin spoke little about where they were going or who they were meeting. She normally wasn't bothered by silence if it was her being quiet, she wasn't use to being in silence that could only be broken if she spoke.

"We should stop soon." Thorin said in his rumbling, deep voice, "We need to rest a bit before going on."

Sam nodded though she knew he would not see the gesture, "Okay." She was a bit afraid to say more, when she did try to spark a conversation he would only give her annoyed grunts and small growls.

When they reached a comfortable destination, Thorin and Sam dismounted the pony. The animal was happy to have both riders off and trotted around for a mere moment.

"You are truly a curious girl." Thorin commented randomly, "You remind me much of my nephews."

Sam kind of smiled at the comment, she wasn't sure if that was good or bad but it was something. "Really? Are they like me?"

"When it comes to asking questions." he answered, "I imagine you are aware of your home over the world."

Sam looked at Thorin, slightly offended but at the same time admitting she probably didn't know the horrors of this place she was now in. "Well maybe more so of this place. I'm not from here." She figured he knew that considering she was only dressed jeans and T-shirt.

Thorin looked over his shoulder a bit, she noticed that he did that whenever he was thinking about something. "I assumed as much, you do not dress like any woman I have ever seen."

Sam shrugged, she could take it as an insult but it was true. She had yet to see anyone else but if his clothing was something to judge by she was a strange sight for the rest of this world.

"I don't suppose I could just leave you in some town of men," he said aloud, though he was looking directly at her it still sounded like he talking to himself. "I should take you with me on our journey."

Sam looked at him funny and asked, "Journey? What journey?"

"That would be why we are heading toward the Shire." he explained, he seemed to have a knack for sounding like everything is so obvious. "I wish to reclaim my homeland, a lonely mountain that lays in the East."

"Reclaim?" Reclaim meant to take back, who or what in the world stole Thorin's home? "What happened?"

Thorin shook his head, "It is a long tale and we do not have time for me to explain, maybe when we are in the Shire I will tell you."

Sam smiled and reminded herself to remember that promise, she wanted to know and it would drive her insane if she never found out what happened. Chances were it was something bad but she still wanted to know.

"So," she said after filing away the promise, "what's in the Shire that we need to do?"

"We need to see a hobbit." he told her before ending their longest conversation they had since they met not too long ago.


Hey Hobbit Fans, I hope you guys will like this Girl-in-hobbit-world fanfiction. This is a dedication for my besties TurnerzNike(Zee) and Crazy4books126(Jackie), neither have stories of their own but visit them if you want. Please keep in mind, we are (Zee and I) violent and use vulgar language, You have been warned.

Another thing, the pairs are

SamxFili-ZeexLegolas-Jackiex(Bilbo Vs Bofur or Tauriel Vs Singrid) Jackie it bisexual so I tried to take that into consideration but it created more problems for me. Eh, you guys will get a kick out of it.~ Michelle Laice Kat