Prologue:: Is Fantasy, Or Reality Again?
Dear Rookie Nine…
I scribbled out the words quickly with the dark, dusky pen that shook between two uneasy fingers, the alabaster canvas that was my skin was almost ghostly in comparison of the raven ink. Falling back onto my bed, sinking into the plush covers, the dusky midnight blue spreading devouring my body hungrily, I began to think, thoughts swirling and churning in my numb mind. The covers that I planned to never feel again after this night seemed to try to stop my from going through with my plans.
Glancing down at my arms, I could see my insipid skin seemingly glow in the almost complete, silent darkness. The only light source in the room was the candle that flickered dryly in the empty air. Sloppy incisions, to say that my arms were unscathed would be a complete and utter lie. But yet again, to say that they were inflicted by another being was also a lie at most. I was at battle with no one except for myself, myself alone. The crimson regret that seeped from the blemishes reminded me that I was still alive, that I was still bleeding, that I still had a pulse. That my heart still worked, and I was still in this wretched world.
Though I didn't care for the scars what-so-ever. I was too lost as it is, why should I care at this point? No one would care, they were the ones who caused my downfall anyways. They would forget me anyways.
Eyes traveling towards the candle that dimly lit the seemingly airless room, I plucked the long, pastel feather that hardly kept its place on the oaken nightstand that stood sturdily near my bed. Just beyond the cinnamon scented candle was the picture of my mother, father, brother, and I. We looked so happy…and now everything was gone. My brother had slain them. Their bloods still painted the floors of this house that still stood. The scarlet speckles splayed on the sides of the walls, just a grim reminder that they weren't there to protect me anymore. A grim reminder that it was this village that ordered the ANBU Black Ops to kill them, the fact that they had elite assassins come to kill the parents of a young teen, and a little boy. A grim reminder that this village ordered my own brother to kill our family. A grim reminder that my sensei had known my brother, and maybe could have stopped him. A grim reminder that I couldn't save them from him, or anyone else. A grim reminder that nothing was ever going to get better.
Not right now, Sasuke.
Itachi was right. Not now, not ever. Not now for anything, because everything has stopped, and everything will stay that way. Never will it be fixed because no one can fix it. They all hurt me anyways. Why can't they get it through their thick skulls that I can't bring myself to love them or anyone? It's just an empty feeling that would hurt me more.
You're crazy Sasuke! Why can't you see it? She's only telling you to drop out because she CARES about you!
Naruto was correct too. I knew Sakura cared about me, in fact, I care about her. I tried to kill her though, and that was out of my own guilt. I didn't know how to handle the grief, and I thought that she would just make it worse. I thought that if I let her get any closer to me, than I'd just crumble back down and fall. I thought that if I got rid of her, then maybe things could go back to the numb disposition that it was before.
I protect you because I care about you.
I'm sure that Kakashi-sensei does are about me. I'm almost positive that he cares about everyone in Team 7, that makes him a good sensei, right? He had no means to hurt us, or me, even when I left the village. When he hurt me, it was because I went insane, it was because I was a threat to everyone else, it was because I had lost control, and would have killed or hurt anyone or everyone to get power or to get what I wanted.
You have everything that I've been looking for, you seek power, and you have a lust for it.
Not only did I seek power, but I also sought revenge. And now I know that revenge gets you nowhere in life, it doesn't do anything, and it surely doesn't make you feel any better. And people who only desire power and revenge will never see a day where they'll govern. Orochimaru was right about me all along, except I have a heart, even if it may bellowing empty beats.
No one can understand this, not when a nightmare becomes reality, and fantasy morphs with reality.
