Birth of a Beast
Gasping,
panting, dripping with sweat
I pushed once more at the command of
nurse Simonette
"Just the head now, almost there
Do
exactly what I say this must be done
With great care!"
I
did as she bid
Crossed myself and hoped it wasn't dead
Gave one
last push, then the pain ceased
But instead of hearing my baby
crying
I heard the nurse sighing,
"Go fetch the
priest
This one has the face of the dead!"
When the priest
arrived, he came alone
Apparently the servant girl had absconded
I
knew the priest had seen many terrible things
Yet when he looked
into the cradle, added to my pain
He recoiled with shock
How
would we be able to let this one run amok!
I was going to name my
son, Charles
After my late husband, but now that was absurd
I
begged the priest
To baptize him with his own name
For the love
of Christ
The priest looked at me with a questioning
stare
Probably wondering what amount of sanity was left there
But
did as I said
Then laid my son next to me on my bed
"Learn
to love him as God does."
Collecting his lantern and
cloak
Gave me one last look
Then left, leaving me with my
son
Oh Lord! What have I done?
What horrible sin did I
commit?
What do you want me to admit?
That one time when he
kicked me with such violence
I called him a little beast for his
defiance
Mademoiselle Perrault said I must be careful
But I
said nonsense
You wouldn't be listening to the faithful
Don't
you think I've suffered enough?
The death of my husband and
parents,
Now this is too much!
I remembered how once Charles
had held my wedding ring
Over my swollen abdomen on a cotton
string
Declared that it would be a baby boy
That would give us
much joy
Oh! How I long for that dream to come true
Replace
this monster that has come out of the blue!
During this time, not
once has he cried
Maybe he has died
However when I looked
down
I gave a worried frown
For the bundle had taken a deep
breath
Let out a seducing wail that pierced my chest
With an
intense longing to hold him to my breast
But once his wails
ceased
My longing turned into hate
For this horrid thing seemed
to be my fate
I quickly dashed him away
I wanted Charles back
today!
I need him to hold me tight
And tell me that everything
will be alright
I ran into the farthest corner and cowered
Plugged
my ears in case he hollered
Squeezed my eyes tight
I realized I
couldn't fight
I couldn't stay like this forever
I didn't wish
to become a recluse, not ever!
After awhile, I slowly gathered
enough courage
To face the lifeless bundle that just laid
there
Not realizing what a cruel life it would have
For his
mother was used to popularity
Not prepared for anything as
terrible as this
At first I thought he was dead
But
suddenly he moved, filling me with dread
Fearing that piercing
wail
That would make even the devil cry in hell
But he merely
stretched
Resumed his peaceful slumber
I picked him up
Tried
not to look at his deformed face
And placed him into the
cradle
That dear Charles had made for him
I left that room
Sat
down at my loom
And began to fashion the first garment
That he
would ever wear
A mask
His Terrible Childhood
As long as
Erik wore his mask
Which thank go he did without complaint
I
was able to tolerate his presence
In fact, I hardly paid attention
to him
Only to feed and change him
Sasha kept him
company
Though Marie often fretted at the prospect
Of letting a
dog near a baby
Saying "He will think she's his mother!"
I
would simply reply, "I wouldn't be surprised
If all the
attention is simply because she thinks
It is my pet rat!"
At
this, she always end the argument
For she knew that it was useless
to pursue
When I was in that kind of mood
Unfortunately,
news travels fast
Marie and the Priest became my only companions
I
was no longer welcome anywhere
Yet, every Sunday, though I dreaded
it
I attended mass, my head held high
Ignored the cold stares
from the parishoners
Prayed with the rest of the community
Though
I often thought about leaving
I realized we wouldn't have any
place to go
I was lucky that I had the Priest and Marie on my
side
If I were to move, I would risk our lives!
My son
surprised me everyday, though I didn't admit it
He would display a
new talent, skill, knowledge,
Way beyond that of his years
I
tried to ignore it a first
But Marie always insisted on showing
me
Proof that he wasn't going to be an idiot
One day, in fact,
she tugged me away from the kitchen
Though I argued fiercely that
my cakes would burn
She was determined to show what he had
learned
We stopped outside his room and listened to the
bells
Played by a lonely child neglected by his mother
But
presently, I distinguished a tune
That was repeated several times
over and over
Then gracefully switching into another
This
wasn't a coincidence!
This child was going to be a genius!
Feeling
myself go red with shame
I turned my flushing face away
Muttered
something about my cakes burning
But what I really wanted to
do
Was get out of there
Before she could see the tears of
shame
Coursing down my cheeks
One night, during a rather
loud thunderstorm
I couldn't find Sasha
Who by all
rights
Should have been hiding under my bed
Suddenly I heard a
loud crash
That came from Erik's room
With half my heart
heavy
And the other half filled with hope
I slowly walked into
his room
His crib was turned on its side
And Sasha was pawing
at a trembling bundle
I watched in mute horror as she dragged it
across the room
When I finally got my voice, I feebly said
"Sasha!
Sasha! Leave it alone! Leave it alone!"
Even as I said these
words
I stayed rooted in my spot.
Sasha reluctantly came to my
side
Then I heard a great cry
"S..A..S..H..A, SA..SH..A,
Sasha, Sasha!"
It was the first word I had ever heard him
say!
I watched in fascination as he crawled over
Pulled himself
up by grabbing a fistful of her hair,
Touched her on the nose, and
repeated her name
I couldn't take it any longer
I straightened
his crib, tossed him in
Grabbed Sasha and locked her in my room
I
soon discovered that he would be a fast learner
By the age of two,
he could read
With amazing clarity
The Bible, and sing like
A
god from the heavens
But the one thing he fought
Was improving
the way he wrote
No matter how many times I tried
To beat him
into submission
He refused to learn in absolute stubbornness
After
awhile, I gave up
He knew so much more
That took scholars years
to learn
That it seemed pointless to scold him for something
So
petty
I had to constantly keep him supplied with
paper
Otherwise, I would find his designs
Lovingly carved into
the woodwork.
I tried taking all knives and other sharp
objects
Out of his reach
But when my silver needlework scissors
disappeared
And despite the fact that I beat him until I was
afraid of causing
Serious damage
He refused to tell me where
they were.
It was at that point where it occurred to me
That he
made things seem right
Even if it was wrong
It frustrated me to
no limits
The priest said it was most likely
That all he needed
was some preaching
But no matter that he spent
Days, weeks,
months preaching
Erik didn't get it.
From day one
Marie,
Father, and I all agreed
That it would be a grave mistake
To
take Erik outside into the world
So he had to be school
taught
Even though my father had taught me
Enough geometry
equal to that of a man's knowledge
Erik was soon way beyond it,
computing formulas I didn't understand
Even when he spent
Several
hours patiently trying to explain
I still couldn't comprehend
it
Soon Marie and the priest insisted
That I find him a better
tutor
One that would fit one of his main interests
Architecture
So
I agreed to see a friend of the priest
When the man arrived,
however,
I got the impression
That he wasn't here on a
mission
Only for a good time, not business
After his second
whiskey
And two hours of conversation about his family,
I asked
him if he had heard about Erik.
