Word Count: 365
Genre: Humor/Crack
Characters: Vaan, Penelo, Balthier, Fran
Warnings: Minor spoilers to up to Henne Mines
"Penelo," Vaan began as soon as they were alone; the others were sleeping already or off gathering supplies, "why was it so rude to ask Fran her age?"
She sighed, exasperated, and rolled over to face him. "You never ask a lady her age."
"I asked you and Ashe, and you two didn't get mad."
"Ashe was mad, and we're much younger."
"Fran looks young."
"That doesn't mean she is, Vaan."
He stared at the fire, resigning himself to the fact that he would never find out. Suddenly, he asked, "Did you notice something else weird about them?"
"What?" Penelo asked, wondering if she would ever get any sleep.
"There weren't any boys."
"Why does that bother you? Maybe they were hiding deeper in the village. We didn't see any children, either."
Vaan placed a hand beneath his chin and used the other to poke the fire with a stick, staying quiet. After a moment, Penelo added, "And whatever you do, don't ask her about it, either."
"But I want to know."
"Understandable," Balthier said, coming from the darkness to lay some wood on the fire; it made a considerable number of sparks, and Vaan moved back. "I was curious myself when I first noticed it."
"So, where are they, then?" Vaan asked eagerly.
Balthier stoked the fire slightly more, then looked back at him. "There aren't any. The Viera don't have boys or children; they walk out from the wood fully grown."
"You mean grown women just walk out of a tree and into the village?" Vaan asked doubtfully.
"Don't believe Balthier." Fran approached the fire, laid down her bow, and sat next to the sky pirate. "He says that because the truth disturbs Humes."
Penelo waited quietly, and Vaan leaned forward. Fran continued, "Have you heard of a certain species of spiders, Vaan? After childbirth, the female eats the male."
Vaan's face faltered. Balthier remained somber, and Fran seemed entirely serious. "You're… joking, right?" he asked, looking from one to the other.
Balthier clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Here's another lesson, Vaan; sky pirates can never afford to be gullible."
On the other side of the fire, he could hear Penelo giggling.
