Author's Note: Just a little drabble from Lucius Malfoy's point-of-view after the events of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I hope I do a good job capturing Lucius's conflicting, somewhat confusing thoughts. Reviews are loved, just as long as they are constructive.
I am not ashamed.
I cannot be ashamed.
Do you think I'm evil?
Or are now expecting some sob sad story?
I will not reveal myself fully.
There will always be a part of me that I will always keep hidden.
You wonder why I am not ashamed.
Why am I not speaking the words that everyone wants to hear, the words that could possibly keep me out of Azkaban?
Because I refuse to be ashamed.
I cannot be ashamed.
I am a Pureblood, superior to everyone else.
I have been well-taught, very well-taught.
I have suffered for my blood.
Don't come any closer, I'm not going to tell you all the nice details that make for such a wonderful, heart-wrenching story.
I like to keep some things hidden, you see. I believe I have already made that clear.
Just know that I have suffered for being a Pureblood and that my lessons in blood purity have often been painful.
I have always been at war because of my blood, since the moment I was born.
At times I have been at war with myself because of my blood.
But don't expect me to elaborate on that.
Just know that I have screamed and bleed for my wonderful blood.
I think I've gone far enough on that matter.
I still have my pride, you see.
I will not be broken by my past.
Why am I not ashamed?
Because I cannot be.
Why?
Because if I was to be ashamed, then everything I have fought for, everything I have suffered for, it would have all been for nothing.
I cannot be ashamed.
I don't know what I'm going to do now. My side has lost the war. My life now feels so meaningless.
What have I been living for all these years?
I will stop there. I'm not going to start feeling sorry for myself. Proper Purebloods do not feel sorry for themselves, you see.
Proper Purebloods do not feel sorry for anyone.
I am alive, as are my Narcissa and my Draco.
So many others are dead.
Even the Dark Lord is dead.
Yet we are alive.
And we will rise again.
I will somehow find a way to move on with my life.
I have to find a way to move on with my life.
I cannot break now.
I have survived too much to break now.
I am still proud to be a Pureblood.
I have to be proud of my blood.
My entire life has been devoted to my blood.
If I was to be ashamed of my blood now, my entire life would have been for nothing.
I refuse to be meaningless.
Therefore, I refuse to be ashamed.
I don't care what you say or what you do to me.
I still will not be ashamed.
