Secret Agent 009 and 3 Quarters

Secret Agent 003.14

Disclaimer: I own HP as much as I own a Horcruxe. So, not at all.

Harry was in the Room of Requirement. It was a truly awesome room. It could have a T.V. It also came with a complete collection of James Bond movies.

So, of course, Harry was watching them.

'I want to be a secret agent! But, instead of 007, I would be 003.14. Because that's Pi, and I love pie. Apple pie, cherry pie, strawberry pie, pumpkin pie, any kind of pie. Mmmmmm... pie.

So, he went quickly to his room. Looking in his clothes, he found his dress robes and put them on. Then, he went around the school, holding his wand like a gun and rolling around on the ground. He was very stealthy (in his dreams) and no one even knew he was there (again, in his dreams).

He was near the girl's washroom when Hermione saw him. 'What are you doing?'

Harry stood up and glanced at her. He had been practicing his English accent and thought this would be the perfect time to test it. 'The name's Potter. Harry Potter.'

'I know your name. Now get in here and drink your Polyjuice potion.'

The green eyes brightened. 'Oh, do we have a top secret mission, and we need to go deep under cover and discover dastardly schemes to take over the world, and we will single-handedly...'

'No, I just want to spy on Ron, and it would look weird to have a first year girl all alone.'

'Well, I like my Polyjuice potion stirred, not shaken. Oh, wait, I mean shaken, not stirred. Ya, that's right.'

Hermione handed him a cup. 'Drink your juice box now.'

'Yay! I love juice boxes.' He took a sip and grimaced. 'You stirred this, didn't you? That's why it tastes so bad.'

...

Ten minutes later, Harry was a first year girl. 'Man, this is the best disguise ever! No one will suspect that I'm,' he stood up taller and looked official. 'Secret Agent 003.14!'

The other first year glowered at him/her. 'Yes, and what Secret Agent Whatever wants to do is spy on Ron. Now, go and walk behind him.'

'What? Walk behind him? That's your plan? No hiding behind trees and in garbage cans or anything?'

Hermione smiled. Harry regretted his comment when he found himself waist-high in candy rappers and banana peels.