A/N: my first attempt at a OTH fanfic. you've been warned. this has no real strict time frame, kinda mid-season two i guess. not a lot of Lucas, no Nathan so far so don't expect it to go that route. WARNING: This will probably not happen the way you expect it to. So, don't expect anything. This was a product of lack of sleep and a blueberry muffin. And it's kinda cliche. But I'm okay with that. :o) Enjoy.
Chapter One: Give Unto Me
•••••
Peyton walked into Karen's cafe. It was noon so the lunchtime crowd was nearly overcrowding the place. She stood still just inside the door and watched all of the people eating. The little kids laughing. The families having their family conversation. She wished she could slip in to any one of their shoes. Just for a day. Just for a day's relief from her life.
She noticed a lone empty table in one corner and took a seat. She was still watching the people around her when she felt a body sit down on the chair next to hers. She didn't turn towards them.
"It's been a while since I've seen you." A familiar voice said.
Peyton turned toward her. She didn't expect to see the surprised look in her eyes though. She knew she looked different. She hadn't been sleeping much. Or eating much. She didn't expect it to be so obvious to her though. Peyton watched as a smile spread across her lips to attempt to mask her surprise.
"Yeah," Peyton whispered, having a hard time finding her voice.
"Mind if I spend my break with you?"
"It looks like you've already made that decision." Peyton said, giving Haley an attempt at a real smile. It didn't work well.
"Yup." Haley said with a grin. "You're stuck with me for the next five minutes. Cause if I take off more than that at this time of day, Karen will kill me."
"Now, why would I do that?" Karen said as she came up behind the two girls. Haley looked up at the woman, surprise making an appearance in her eyes. She flashed the woman an innocent smile, and received the same one back. "Uh-huh." Karen said dryly before turning to the blonde and giving her a real smile. "Hey, Peyton."
"Hi." She said, slightly nervous at being put back in the company of two people who used to know her. One she could kind of handle. Two, she wasn't so sure. Not now. Not so soon. When she saw a worried look appear on Karen's face, she was sure the woman could hear her thoughts. Read them in her eyes. She forced a smile that she was sure looked as genuine as it felt.
"You want something to eat?" Karen asked after scanning the filled room. She needed to get Peyton's order and two others and quickly.
"Um, yeah. Just a coffee and a blueberry scone."
"Simple. I've always known you were a smart girl, Peyton." She said with a wink. "I'll be back in just a minute." She said and hurried over to a neighboring table to take a second order. Peyton felt Haley shift her attention back to the blonde.
"So, where've you been hiding?" She asked as she picked a napkin out of the holder. She began slowly tearing it to little bits. Peyton watched out of the corner of her eye, wondering if everybody in the real world tore napkins apart.
"I-I don't know. I've just been busy lately." Been busy not being busy. It wasn't really lying, she thought. Not completely, anyway. Besides, Haley sure didn't need to know the truth. It wouldn't help anything.
"So busy you've started skipping school?" Haley asked, keeping her attention on the napkin. Peyton wanted to reach over and make it go away, tear the thing into shreds. The slow tearing was pulling at her nerves, but she didn't know why. She sat frozen in fear at the question.
Brown eyes were suddenly looking up into her own.
"What's been going on, Peyton?" Haley said, whispering so quietly that Peyton could barely make her question out over the chatter of the cafe.
"N-Nothing."
"Here you go, Peyton." Karen interrupted, placing the scone and cup of coffee in front of the blonde with a smile.
"Thanks." She answered, forcing another smile. All of this acting was starting to take it's toll on her. She was thankful for the coffee and all of it's caffeine. After the first sip, she could feel herself start to calm down. A little bit, anyway. It was certainly better than nothing. She took a bite of her scone and attempted to pretend that her conversation with Haley was a simple, non-important one and that she could just brush it off without even making it obvious to the brunette.
"When's your dad coming back into town, Peyton?" Karen asked gently. Peyton swore the woman had a look of concern in her eyes. It unnerved her having Karen look at her that way.
"He said he'd probably make it back for Christmas." It was September. She hadn't talked with her dad since August. She was sure she wouldn't see him again until the new year. Karen nodded, obviously sorry she had asked the question. Peyton took a second bite out of her scone.
"Haley, isn't it about time you get back to work so Karen won't kill you?" Karen asked, mocking the way Haley had said the same thing earlier perfectly. Haley looked at her watch and, while groaning, stood up and resumed her duties after giving Karen a slight death stare. Karen only grinned back at the girl before stealing her seat next to Peyton. "God. I don't know how long it's been since I last got off my feet." She said with a small chuckle, attempting to lighten Peyton's mood a little. She got no response.
"Peyton?"
The blonde forced herself to look at Karen.
"How have you been holding up lately?
"Fine." She answered casually as she took another bite of her scone.
"Lucas tells me you haven't been going to school much recently." She said, raising an eyebrow a little. She watched the blonde's movements carefully, hoping to get an answer that way instead, knowing very well she wouldn't get a verbal one.
"I've been sick." She said after glancing at Karen.
"Peyton. You know, if there's ever anything you need help with, you can come to me, right?" The blonde looked at her square in the eye, surprised by her words. Karen thought it looked like Peyton had something she wanted to say, desperately wanted to talk about. But no words came. Peyton nodded her head, causing a strand of curls to fall into her face. She hastily tucked it back behind her ear and took another sip of her coffee.
"Hey Peyton, Mom. What's going on?" Lucas asked as he sat down in front of the two women. He flashed them both his trademark grin and stretched out in his seat.
"We were just having a chat." Karen said and looked at Peyton again, giving her a loving glance. She was concerned about the girl, she knew that much. She also knew that it seemed that Peyton was changing, and not for the better. "I guess I should get back to work." She said as she stood up. She gave Peyton what she hoped was an encouraging smile and left the pair alone.
"What's going on, blondie?" Lucas said to Peyton, slightly teasing her. He was hoping it would provoke a smile from her. A smile lingered on her lips for a minute, but he could tell it wasn't a real one. She took a sip of her coffee before answering.
"You do know you're blonde too, right?" She asked in an even tone.
"I've been told that before, yes." This time it was a shadow of a real smile. It partially soothed his fears about her being in trouble. She must just be having a bad day. That's all it was. "You going to the party tomorrow after the game?" She shook her head no as she finished off the rest of the undersized cup of coffee. "Brooke's not dragging you along this time?"
"Brooke and I don't spend very much time together anymore." She said, keeping her eyes on her scone as she picked at the remainder of it. She could see his eyes narrow without even looking at him.
"Why not?"
"We've both just been busy. Doing separate things."
"Uh-huh." He said just as she heard the bell at the front door ring, signaling someone either entering or exiting the cafe. "Well, here's your chance." Peyton looked up at Lucas from her plate, not knowing what he was talking about.
"Huh?"
"Brooke." He said and nodded behind her. She turned in time to see her best friend walking up to the pair. Peyton put on her best fake smile that she was sure wouldn't come close to fooling the girl who she had known since before they both could remember.
"Hey Broody, P. Sawyer." She said and took a seat beside the former. "You gonna eat that?" Brooke asked, pointing to the half-eaten scone that sat in front of Peyton. Peyton pushed it towards Brooke, who devoured it quickly. "Thanks." Peyton nodded.
"So, Brooke, are you going to the party tomorrow after the game?" Lucas asked her. She raised her eyebrows.
"Is that tomorrow?" Lucas nodded. "Then I'll be there." She turned towards Peyton. "You coming?" She received a nod in the negative. "Why not?"
"I've got something I have to do."
"What?" Brooke asked, surprised. Peyton could feel the anger start inside of her. It was as though Brooke thought the only things Peyton ever did were with her, like Peyton had no social life, or any kind of a life, outside of being in Brooke's company.
"Something."
"The mysterious Peyton Sawyer is back. I thought we got rid of her when we were fourteen?" Peyton didn't reply. She stood up and walked over to the counter instead, ignoring Brooke's not so friendly comment. From behind the bar, Karen noticed her and walked over.
"What can I do for you?"
"Um, how much do I owe you?"
"Nothing. This one's on the house." Peyton looked a little surprised at the woman. She fumbled for words. "Think nothing of it. Just, on occasion, I like to spoil my son's friends."
"Thanks." Peyton said hoarsely. Karen nodded.
"Remember what I said earlier." She said in a hushed tone. "Anytime."
"Thanks." She repeated. "I have to go."
"Alright. Bye, Peyton."
"Bye." Peyton said and exited the cafe, attempting to put Haley, Brooke and Lucas out of her mind and retreat back to her world of solitude. She walked down the street, trying to ignore the small voice in her head that kept calling her name, over and over and over. The voice started becoming louder and louder until she realized it wasn't in her head. It was coming from behind her. The voice belonged to Haley.
"Peyton." She spun around to come face to face with the brunette. She was looking up at her, breathing heavily as if she had just ran a mile. "I kept calling your name, but you didn't stop." Haley said between deep breaths.
"I... I didn't hear you."
"Funny. I think everyone else on the street did." Haley said as she looked around self-consciously at the people nearby. "I wanted to talk to you." She added after putting her attention back on Peyton.
"About what?"
"I was wondering why you haven't been returning any of my calls lately." She said with uncertainty in her tone and in her eyes. Peyton squinted at her, wondering what lie to say next.
"I've been busy." Haley nodded.
"Can we talk?" She asked after a few moments of silence.
"Now?" Haley nodded. "I thought you had to work."
"Lucas took over for me." Haley looked around at the people surrounding them again. She then looked down at the ground for a second, before looking back up at the blonde. "Can we talk?"
"I guess."
"Let's walk." She said softly and they both started side by side in the direction Peyton was just walking. They spent the first few minutes in silence before Haley found the courage to start the conversation she had been thinking about for weeks. "Something's wrong with you, Peyton. I can tell."
"I'm fine." She responded, somewhat coldly at being accused of not being herself. She knew it was true, but she didn't want anyone else able to see it.
"You're not. Those words might work on everyone else. But I can see right through that act." Haley looked over at the blonde, who was refusing to look back at her. "I'm worried about you, Peyton." That caught the blonde's attention. She looked over at Haley.
"I'm fine. I promise."
"Then why aren't you going to school? Why'd you quit cheerleading?" Haley added in a quieter tone, "why do you look like hell?"
Peyton didn't say a word. There was nothing to say to those questions. She knew why everything was going on the way it was, but then again, she really didn't. Things were happening because of two reasons. She was destroying herself, piece by piece, but she couldn't explain why. Something was making her do it, but she didn't know what.
"Please. Just let me in." Haley whispered, almost sounding as though she were begging.
Peyton hated herself for doing what she was doing to Haley. She didn't deserve it at all. She knew she had to tell her something, even if it was a lie. She had to tell her so that she wouldn't be worried about her. She hated the thought of Haley worrying about her.
"I've just been having some sleeping problems." She said casually and looked over at the brunette. She couldn't tell if the lie was believed or not. "It's hard to go to school Without sleeping any the night before, you know? So I've been sleeping when I can which is usually the middle of the day. I'm trying to get it worked out, but it's just been difficult." She hated lying to Haley, but she knew it was for her own good. Nobody needed to worry about Peyton. She could take care of herself.
Haley gave her a look that made Peyton see she was unsure about letting the subject go. She slowly began to nod. "So, then, why didn't you just say that to begin with?"
"I would've, but the whole thing just sounds a little ridiculous, you know? Sleeping problems?" Peyton said in a mock, detached tone. "How lame can you be?" Haley laughed prompting Peyton to do the same.
"I guess that makes sense." She said, now seeming to believe Peyton. But only because she could see Peyton's old self starting to come back. It had been a while, so she was grateful to see her laugh again.
"So you're not worried anymore?"
"Nope."
"Good." Peyton said as she watched a bird take flight off of the path in front of them. It circled in the air twice before flying off into the wilderness.
"So do you think you're going to school tomorrow?" Haley asked, watching the blonde's movements. Peyton hesitated before smiling and looking over at Haley.
"Probably."
