Chapter 1 Routine

Chapter 1 Routine

My fist pulverized the plastic Sony alarm clock. The little jagged pieces of plastic sliced the caramel coloured skin between my wrist and pinky joint. That's why I woke up. And that's why I now hate all alarm clocks, regardless of size, colour, make and ownership.

I rolled off of the mattress. Too far. I rolled off the edge. Ow, my cognitive functions are causing as much pain as a watermelon sized suppository.

Stumbling across the carpeted softness that is my room like an old man with rheumatoid arthritis. I pass the mirror hanging on the front of my wardrobe. Oh my god, I look so decrepit. I look back at my bed and give it my angry face blaming it for my morning breath and disheveled appearance. I mean seriously, my hair looks like I just had sex. Although any chick who would want to have sex with a 14 year old kid with a hole in his chest must be some kind of angel. Huh, if Tom could hear my thoughts right now he would be all over that sentence.

Talking about Tom, I wonder how he is. I hope I don't have too much to catch up on (1) otherwise seriously I am gonna kill someone. I wonder who I would kill first? Maybe Mr. Byrne, the science teacher. This is Ofcourse assuming I make it through my first day back at school after… what did the note say? Oh, that's right "I got my tonsils removed". Ha, wouldn't it be funny if I got tonsillitis next week. Oh my god, that would be hilarious!

(A/N: POV change to third person! I know confusing isn't it? I apologize)

"Alex! You up yet!"

Jack's shrill cry made him spin around and crouch down into a combat position facing the door, 70 of his weight on his front foot and 30 on the back prepared to block a strike or dodge and weave until his opponent made a mistake.

How paranoid can you get? I should get some kind of medal for being the most paranoid teenager in the world. Alex thought

He recovered fast and spewed a reply to reassure Jack that he hadn't slept in.

Alex found a uniform lying at the bottom of his wardrobe waiting to be worn again. He smelled the shirt and made a face, looking like he had just seen John Howard in a thong (2). Resolving to solve this conundrum responsibly and maturely he got an aerosol can of some kind of deodorant sprayed copious amounts on the garment wishing for the best and hoping that Jack didn't notice. He got dressed and went to the bathroom, and attempted to get his hair on a leash with some water and a brush. Unfortunately, his hair had some kinf of a grudge on him today and he only succeeded in making himself look like a drowned rat.

I look like I congealed in a gutter somewhere in India. So thought he when he focused on what his hands were doing as he looped the checked strip of material round his neck.

Big piece over little piece once, big piece under little piece. Big piece over little piece again, through the loop under the strap, pull and tighten.

Alex gave himself a mental pat on the back went down the stairs. Seeing Jack at the kitchen bench with a two bowls of cereal and one apple juice and one orange juice, he tried to say hi. But before his voice box got a chance to work, his stomach announced that food was more important than talking.

Jack with a full mouth struggled to stop herself from spewing milk out her nose.

"You hear that Jack? That's my stomach trying to eat itself." Alex remarked reaching for his cereal and orange juice.

"I'm glad to see that much hasn't changed." Jack said

Once again, Alex's stomach made itself incredibly vocal.

"Okay, time to recharge!" Alex then proceeded to somehow make all the cereal disappear in less than twenty seconds

"It's scary how fast you can eat. Someday I swear your going to explode." Jack said with a funny looking frown on her face with was constantly moving.

"Jack?"

"Yeah, Alex?" she said her brow still trying to drill into her frontal lobe.

"Is your forehead having some kind of epileptic fit?"

"No! I'm trying to raise one eyebrow, I've been trying for ages but can't seem to get it!" she cried at him

"I think it's a genetic thing." He said whilst making his eyebrows chase each other in waves

"Stop doing that! You're teasing me again!"

Alex ignored her and poured the juice down his throat, while miraculously bidding her goodbye at the same time and raced out the front door slinging his bag over his shoulder at the same time. He only just heard Jack wish him good luck before the door shook the frame.

Ummm, im not very up to date with the whole AR thing because im not one of those people who reads the same book over and over again. So if snake head was during holidays and not school time then please tell me and ill fix it!

This if for all those who do not bother with Australian politics, John Howard is our recently replaced prime minister. He was over sixty and looked like a frog wore double bridged glasses and had supremely bushy eyebrows. So no Alex Rider would not want to see him in a thong.