555-KACL by Patrick Councilor

Author's Note: I would like to dedicate this story to Andrea. She has written stories of Frasier doing his radio show and in doing so, has inspired this one. Special thanks to those who have read my other stories and have left reviews that have GREATLY motivated me: MensaCat, Andrea, Kristen, and Leighann to mention a few.

"Good Afternoon Seattle. This is Dr. Frasier Crane. What a beautiful sunny day. My wonderful producer has brought in coffee for me and it is much appreciated. I'd like to start off by proposing a theme topic for today, if I may: 'New Beginnings'. You see, I've moved back to Seattle four months ago and could not be happier when KACL welcomed me with open arms. I've recently ended my relationship and moved back to this wonderful city. Let's get right to your calls." He took a big drink from his paper coffee cup with the plastic lid. He cringed. What was this swill? This was NOT how he liked his coffee.

His producer gave him a "thumbs-up", as a questioning gesture asking how he liked his coffee.

Frasier waved back. He then hit the cough button, pretended to sneeze, and spit most of the coffee in the waste basket beneath his console.

"Wow…" Frasier tried to compose himself. "That's SOME coffee." He rubbed his tongue against the roof of his mouth, as if that would rid him of the taste. "Alright…" he said while he checked his pockets for a mint. "Let's take our first call…" He opened his briefcase… Nothing… Damn. "Gary, who do we have on line one?" he asked as he settled in his chair for a LONG three hours.

"We have Sarah from Kirkland. She is having second thoughts about a blind date."

Frasier hit the button. "Hello Sarah, I'm listening."

"Thanks for taking my call Dr. Crane. I'm a nervous wreck about this date. I…I don't know what to do. I… I'm having second thoughts about going through with it."

"I see. And why do you feel this way?"

"I don't know. Blind dates usually don't have great success rates. I mean, why do my friends think that I need setting up?"

"What about your social life? Do you get out often to meet new people?"

"Well… no. But I do talk to a lot of new people on a daily basis."

"I see, and how do you do that if you don't get out that often?"

"I work out of my home. I sell home STD kits by phone."

"Oh my," Frasier said with great concern. "Home Sexually Transmitted Disease kits." He shot his producer a wide-eyed look. "Although your type of job may be great for conversation starters, I doubt it could lead to meeting someone in terms of dating."

"I know and there are so many diseases out there with so many people taking things for granted."

"I see where this is going Sarah. As a policeman may show signs of depression in view of human behavior due to their daily experiences centered around violent people, so must a doctor value health practices at home. On a daily basis, you are talking to strangers about sexually transmitted diseases. Subconsciously, you are rooting that fear inside you."

"Well, what do you think I should do Dr. Crane?"

"Go out on this date Sarah. Venture forth. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. If you are feeling uncomfortable, you could ask your courter to meet you in a public place for drinks, that way you are not committed to a full evening. Perhaps you could let him know that you want to start out slow and build on a solid, but romantic, friendship."

"Wow, thanks Dr. Crane. That's great advice. Do you mind if I call in tomorrow to let you know how it went?"

"I would like that Sarah. I'll be here for you."

"Thanks Dr. Crane."

"Thank you for your call." He clicked the button. "Who's next Gare?"

"I have Richard from Marysville on line two. He's having problems with his girlfriend."

Frasier tapped the button. "Richard, you're on the air. I'm listening."

"Thank God I got through Dr. Crane. I could really use your advice. I feel a little suspicious about my girlfriend. I don't think she is being completely truthful with me."

"And why is that?"

"I think she is only seeing me for my money."

"Well Richard, often men try to impress a lady with a great evening only to find that his first impression was too costly to try to maintain that type of economical composure. The bar was simply set too high from the start. Have you been dating her long?"

"No, only a few weeks."

"I see, and are you experiencing anxiety about her reaction about your net worth?"

"Yeah, I guess so. She thinks I'm rich."

"Rich? What would draw her to that conclusion?"

"I told her I was rich when I met her for the first time."

"Richard, would you listen to yourself? You're concerned about her being truthful, yet you have started this relationship on false pretenses. You may be lacking in self-confidence. I'm sure you have great attributes that can stand on their own merit to a lady you fancy. There is more to life than the size of a bank note a person can write."

"… yeah… I think I'm going to tell her my stocks crashed. Thanks Dr. Crane." His voice was followed by a dial tone.

Frasier sighed as he disconnected the line. "Listen, I'm certain there are other Richards out there in the same situations. If you are looking for a meaningful relationship, stand true to yourself. Not only will you be better off by not having to get yourself out of the corner you painted yourself in, but you will be feeling proud of your honesty and integrity. In the greater Seattle area, the number is 555-KACL. The lines are open, so please give us a call. Who's our next caller?"

"We have Spencer from Bellevue on line four. He's calling about his mother-in-law."

He tapped the button. "Good afternoon Spencer. I'm listening."

"You inconsiderate pompous jerk!"

"Excuse me," Frasier said defensively.

"I called in long before the show started and have been on hold for over 15 minutes."

"I do apologize for the wait, but this is a call-in radio show and there are times when we get flooded with calls."

"Bla-bla-bla. Are you going to ask me what my problem is or what?"

Frasier hit the cough button to say to Gary, "I think I already know what his problem is." Anger management. He sighed heavily before getting back with his caller. Truth was, Frasier wasn't up to handling this call. He was going through his own personal problems that weighed on him heavily.